Inspiration & Paradox 107: Time for Recollection

“Don’t tell him (my-father-in-law) that I am not working”, “why did you tell others that you are not working”, “there’s no need to tell others”, “keep these things to yourself”… my mother-in-law’s words repeated in my mind for many days.

For a while I really didn’t get what she meant. It was minutes before I could sense my crumbling pride and work through my own thoughts…

I was a bundle of nerves after I left my full-time job, but I was also very much looking forward to a new leash of life as a stay-at-home-mum. Whoa, new schedule, new objectives, new plans, new tasks and new routines. Honestly, I don’t mind a teeny bit rolling up my sleeves to dish out hot meals for my family, in fact I have a fetish for it. I know very well the importance of coaching my children, enjoy the new routines of morning exercise, cooking and baking, gardening, and putting in more hours on my website, and taking up part-time teaching in the university. But at the same time, I still miss that sense of “thrive and strive” when working in an organisation, especially when the days are so filled with “to-do-lists” and become rudderless with no sense of direction or focus. I seem to be shortening my sleeping hours, hatching more plans than ever, and having more anxiety to do more every day.

I began to understand why I was fazed by my mother-in-law’s words as I recalled my own feelings in my first month of staying at home…

I didn’t like buying groceries on a weekday morning in the cold stores with slow streams of maids and old folks coming in to browse and shop. I am not trying to make a mockery of these people; but being part of that picture made me feel like I am leading a mundane little life. Neither did I like to see mothers all dressed and powered up for work in the morning saying goodbye to their children as I sent Jackie to her childcare centre in my tee and shorts. It was like as if the whole world was reeling under rapid progress, while I just stagnated away in reclusion. And as if these were not enough to bruise my ego, the credit card telemarketer who was soliciting for new members had to drop my call the moment I told him that I was not working. I thought he was mean. Paging through the daily newspapers was also a dread when the economic slump news became massive. Headlines that read “The most important thing to do now is to keep your job…”, “More retrenchment expected…” “Families making ends meet” made the future gloomier by the day and put into me thoughts that I must be a nitwit to quit in such a time as this. I managed to shake off those negative feelings every time it came without trying to figure the reason for them. Some friends said I must be out of my mind to quit my job, while others applauded my boldness to step out of the corporate world. Then I actually felt quite proud of myself – hey, I was not mainstream! I had what it took to go against popular decisions! I realised there was a host of other meanings in those words that I didn’t associate with. And now I recall what the office canteen boss exclaimed when the news of my resignation reached his ears, “What a waste, you studied so much and now you’re going to stay at home to be a yellow-faced old hag, I just don’t understand you people!” and how the department secretary carped at me, “I tell you, the worst job is to be a housewife!” Names like “yellow-faced-wife” and “housewife” sounded terrible to me, but I didn’t care a fig what was hurled at me. To a certain degree, I even thought these people had quite a fair sense of humour.

Were my emotions then suppressed? I’m really not sure. Perhaps what my mother-in-law said just tipped over some large heaps of words that were piled over me before and caused me to quicken to my own inner senses.

Here I am, born and bred in a culture where everybody tells everybody that a good education is a passport to securing a good job, getting a good pay, and ultimately leading a good life. Period. No matter how much welfare you are able to contribute to your family, if you are not pursuing a good full-time job in a well-known organisation, you are not doing anything very esteemed. So when I turned against this social norm, I was actually secretly bothered by how I perceived myself – a small and insignificant nobody.

To say the least, my own self-discovery startled me. I know very well, it’s not my mother-in-law’s fault, or anybody else’s. While everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I sure can choose my own beliefs and not let any negative thought bug me. This time, I blame it on my own egotism that has turned the wrong side out.

I need to go recollect myself.

Inspiration & Paradox 106: Wrong Context or Wrong Crowd?

Following is one of those emails that flies around the offices on Friday afternoons. It's a thought-provoking one. The story wraps up with the suggestion that we humans are incapable of appreciating beauty and talent in an unexpected context.

Think about it again, is it "wrong context", or simply a case of "wrong crowd"? What's your take?

**********************************************************************************

A Violinist in the Metro

A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that thousand of people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule.

A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk.

A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.

The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.

In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.

Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston and the seats average $100.

This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of an social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people. The outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?

Inspiration & Paradox 105: Perfectly Imperfect Love

This morning I had a chat with Jackie’s child-care teacher…

Children are eager to please the people they love, and they do this by performing - behaving well and doing things right. And honestly, we adults often take advantage of that, don’t we. We show our anger and even say unkind words to our children when they misconduct. And often, they attach our emotions and reactions to how much we love them. Well, this happened to Jackie. In her most grown-up voice, she jested in the middle of our regular bedtime story-telling session last night, “When I don’t share my toys with my friends, teacher won’t love me.” Subsequently, a string of questions led me to discover that her childcare teacher has been teaching the kids to “win her love with good behaviour”.

So there I was at the child-care centre, trying pretty hard to put it across to the teacher in a nice way so that she wouldn’t feel embarrassed or offended, and frankly, most importantly, it wouldn’t cause a backfire on Jackie. I shared with her my concern about what Jackie had been picking up in the child-care, and my earnest request that the kids learned the correct reasons for good behaviour. I told that I would like Jackie to understand that our love for her was not a result of how good her behaviour was, and that her disobedience would not make us love her lesser even though we could be upset and appear to be very angry with her.

Awfully tough, isn’t. As much as we know the right things to do with our kids and want them to grow up feeling confident and secure, sometimes, we adults cannot even really grasp the concept of unconditional love ourselves very well, let alone a three-year old. Without a loving relationship, children don’t seem to have any reason to want to learn to behave in an acceptable. And it’s so hard for them to understand why when they do the wrong things, the love adults flaunt about is not expressed in the way they can understand (hugs and kisses).

God, help us flawed parents (and teachers) have a significant positive impact on our children’s lives with our imperfect love for them!

Inspiration & Paradox 104: Stars Do Not Twinkle

As with most young children, my 3-year-old loves the song Twinkle Twinkle Little Stars.

But we know that stars do not twinkle. When we look at them through the telescopes, they appear as discrete, tiny points of light.

Stars only appear to twinkle. We are viewing them through the thick layers of the earth atmosphere. As we look at them, the light given off by them has to travel through the moving layers of the turbulent earth atmosphere to reach our eyes. When this happens, the light of the stars is bent or refracted in different directions, resulting in the twinkling effect that our eyes see.

Inspiration & Paradox 103: An Adult Trapped in a Child’s Body

Lately, I have been looking for my favourite cartoon again. Most of the people around me have not heard of it -- Mafalda, a character created by Argentine cartoonist Quino.

Why do I find this 5-year-old girl so remarkable? She makes me laugh.

Patriotic, deeply concerned about humanity, human rights, and world peace, Mafalda is super-quirky, always posing awkward questions to her parents and friends. I adore her pure innocence, child-like temperament, and marvel at her strong character and sharpness of a grown-up thinking all at the same time. “An adult trapped in a child’s body” is how I describe her. She doesn’t try to be funny or even thinks she is funny, she is just funny! While her thoughts do evoke some very serious thinking about the ills of society, how the messages are crafted and delivered and the humour that comes with them will make you rock. Also, her bunch of quirky little friends (businessman, rich mummy wannabe, dreamer, and rebel) is a big attraction to me as well!

If you like comics, I highly recommend Malfada to you. It's translated into only a few languages though, and English is not one of them.

Inspiration & Paradox 102: The Older We Get, The More Lost We Feel

This comic strip by Scotts Stantis was published in the papers in 1995. It says in the first picture "WHAT AM I GOING TO BE WHEN I GROW UP?", and in the second, "I'M GROWN UP AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING." Then in my early twenties, I thought what was depicted was funny but very real, so I made a cutting to keep it. Today, after more than 10 years, I saw it again while doing some housekeeping. The same sentiments somehow came back...

Inspiration & Paradox 101: Children Without Limits Feel Limited

Time and again, I have been told that we need to know how to discipline our children, especially when they are young. One revelation that really stands out to me is, “Our children expect us to punish them when they misbehave, and when we fail to do that, they tend to feel insecure and afraid.”

How very true this is! Yes, all children do fear disciplining parents and want to run away from the punishments meted out. Yes, they hope and even beg that they be spared of their wrongdoing; however, when we let them go scot free every time they err, overtime, they form an impression of us – weak, irresponsible, and unsure parents. And when they live under a perceivably weak authority that fails to teach and show them the boundaries and limits in life, they grow up lacking a sense of being protected, a sense of security.

Interesting, isn’t it. Lesson gleaned: Rules keep us safe.

Inspiration & Paradox 100: Circumstances Make or Reveal Us?

Look at this pot of Prickly Pear Cactus. It’s desperately reaching out for the sunlight in my balcony and the shape of its pad has also evolved into some strange-looking thin and long strip. I’ve been thinking lately…if I had left the pot in a different corner, would it grow the same way like now?

Do circumstances make us what we are or reveal who we are?

Inspiration & Paradox 99: Every Ending is a Start

The standard answer to the people who have asked me why I left my job was I have chosen to spend more time to raise my kids by taking up a part-time role instead. It’s a brief response, but a truthful one. Recording in black and white my feelings about important journeys in my life always helps me in a way come to terms with things. I figure it’s a sense of closure, a sense of completeness; a sense of urgency to start a new journey. It’s a way of therapy, getting in touch with myself. And this is what I will do now, dropping that “period” as the chapter ends.

Part of the truth also has to be that I have come to a cross road after 8 years in the same place and function, where I feel I want to make a different choice in life. I guess at some point in time, you just want to make a turn and find a fresh start somewhere because riding on the same old road gets scarier and scarier. It just gets too comfortable each year. I need to feel that I am progressing, not in monetary rewards, but in my knowledge and experience as a human. Staying where I am does not make me contented anymore. I think I had made my contribution, and want to be able contribute elsewhere. Well, it’s not true that the job was not demanding anymore, it was still, but I just know the boundaries of the job too well, what I could do and influence and what I could not. I think it’s very correct when people say “once the real passion and vision for the job is gone, it’s time to leave”. It’s hard to admit it, but I think that has happened to me.

Now I need to figure how to work on my new beginnings and am very curious how my life would come together again after this.

Inspiration & Paradox 98: The Cheap Bubble

Shopping has become an emotional experience for a lot of people.

Many of us get into a habit of scouting and sniffing out for sales and buying cheap clothing, shoes, bags, and etc. The thrill of shopping at discounted prices and getting more for the buck has gotten us into this addiction of buying and stocking up cheap deals we don’t need most of the time. On one hand, our shopping behaviour thrives on discovering good bargains, on the other, it seems that we never really consider if we are really benefiting in terms of saving money or spending even more on unnecessary stuff.

Inspiration & Paradox 97: Stop Looking For Trouble

The massive daily news on the gloom and doom of the economy is getting on my nerves. Reports of people cutting back on expenses, making ends meet, joblessness, failing businesses, deep pay cuts, restructuring and downsizing are all making wonder if I was too stupid to quit my job now, why didn’t I decide to just cling on to it for another one or two years and see how things move first….I hate these news, I don’t like the fact that they are making me feel wavered about something which I was very sure about, the future and my family financial security. What if Jason’s business gets hit by this economic crisis? Now stop it…cut out all the What Ifs, stop looking for trouble in the future, live in the present, think positively of new possibilities with my resignation, the work I am going to do, the time I would have after I leave my job in Jan next year...

Keep Your Spirits Up & Have a Blessed 2009!

"Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength."
Spurgeon, Charles Haddon

"The worst thing you can possibly do is worrying and thinking about what you could have done."
Lichtenberg, Georg C.

"Worry gives a small thing a big shadow."
Proverb, Swedish

Inspiration & Paradox 96: Latest Beauty Buzz is to Get Eaten Alive by Fish

Yes, you know I’m talking about the peculiar skin treatment - Fish Spa.

When the legs are dipped into the pool, it's totally free of pain, but downright exhilarating, extremely ticklish. I had to slap my own face to keep my legs in the water as hundreds of these little fish rushed over to nibble and bite relentlessly, but the good news is, after a while you just got immune to the sensation, and then it became kind of therapeutic.

Garra Ruffa, also nicknamed doctor fish, is a small flesh-eating tropical fish now popularly used for treating skin diseases such as psoriasis blotches, flaky and crusty skin, and scabby epidermis. Once found in the lowly river basins of Turkey, they’re now a highly sought after fish in the fish spa markets of Korea, Japan, Malaysia, China and Singapore and are very expensive due to strict importation and exportation regulations. When placed in the spa, these Garra Ruffa fish feed themselves on the dead cells of the human body, leaving the healthy skin of the human body to grow. They not only remove dead skin cells, but also massage the skin and improve blood circulation. It's believed that when the skin is better supplied with oxygen, it becomes softer and smoother!

Inspiration & Paradox 95: When You Can't Gel Personality and Behaviour

Yesterday, while I was scurrying across the road with my two daughters in Orchard Road, making sure that we could beat the traffic light, I spotted a colleague in front of us. And as I was about to bid hello to him, he did something which I think I would remember for a long time…

You have to understand this, in the office, he is known to be an irate, brutish, heavy-handed, unrelenting guy whom most people don’t fancy working with in projects. Never, never did I expect him to do this… A granny was waving packets of tissue papers under the traffic light. When he saw her, he stopped dashing forward, turned around, and brisked up towards the old lady and hurriedly handed over a dollar coin, and when the three packets of tissue paper were dished out to him, he dismissed them with a quick signal of his hand. And before I could catch his attention, he had already scampered across the turning-red traffic lights and disappeared into the thronging crowd.

As people are writing to the papers to “remove” from the streets these people who simply are eking out a living in between the lives of others in the name of protecting the positive image of this affluent city, what this guy did, his compassionate gesture has certainly shocked me. Who would imagine such a roughshod personality to display such a tender-hearted act of kindness towards a total stranger?

Have we been judging too hard on people’s behavior and character? Don’t these hard-faces, people who consistently appear rude and unfriendly but can surprise you with a kind act deserve a million times of our respect than those double-faces who are consistently sweet and nice but can surprise you with a nasty stab from behind?

Inspiration & Paradox 94: Economy Down, Sales Up!

On 13 June 2008, Times Online published an article entitled "Rise in champagne sales is sign of recession" that began with this "Champagne sales have increased in Ireland which, according to an economic paradox, signals the country is heading for a recession."

Market researchers explained that with dwindling spending power during a recesion, consumers like to find small ways to cheer themselves up. When finances can’t stretch to big ticket-items like house renovation, cars and long holidays, they will always find money for less expensive treats such as sunglasses, nail varnish, lipstick or chocolate.

So, how true is this syndrome for you?

Inspiration & Paradox 93: When I am big, He is small

Truths learnt from Ed Welch's book:

• When people are big, God is small.
• Need other people less, love other people more.

Inspiration & Paradox 92: Whoever Makes the Most Mistakes Wins

Rather than cripple, failure can strengthen. Depending on how we respond to them, blows can shatter us as if we were a cheap clay pot or temper us as they would steel.

~ Unknown Quote from Whoever Makes the Most Mistakes Wins: The Paradox of Innovation

Inspiration & Paradox 91: Change is really good...but no thanks!

Dilbert's View of "Change".
Is it yours too?

Change is Great!!!

You go first.

Inspiration & Paradox 90: The tension between strength and flexibility in learning ballet

My older daugher Jerrie faces some challenges when doing the stretching exercises during her ballet class, whereas Jackie, my younger daughter has an amazingly flexible body, which seems to be perfect for learning gymnastics. Yesterday, I had the opportunity to talk to their ballet teacher and learn a little bit about ballet.

The beauty of ballet is in striking a fine balance between strength and flexibility. The challenge here is that these two forces counter each other. It's easy to find a very strong person who is not so flexible or an extremely flexible person who is not so strong, but the strongest and most flexible person does not exist. A good ballet dancer has to find that harmony between strength and flexibility so that he/she is able to bend the body to achieve certain art forms and techniques and at the same time has enough muscle power to achieve them.

Inspiration & Paradox 89: Sleep and Lose Weight

“A daily spoonful or two of honey taken prior to bedtime can help us sleep better and lose weight at the same time”.

Now, I expect what I just said to stir up an upheaval of emotions for most of you. How can something so sweet be any good when you are closely watching your weight? Doesn’t it sound all too stupid to consume more calories before you sleep when you are trying all day to lose weight and reduce calories in your meals? Doesn’t everyone know that our body metabolism rate at night is low, so we should avoid eating too late if we want a flat tummy? Surely, this must be one of those baseless old wives’ tales about dieting or some quick fix that’s central to all fad diets. More in... How to Sleep and Lose Weight at the Same Time?

Inspiration & Paradox 88: Expert Knows the Limit

The more we know, the less we understand.

"My definition of an expert in any field is a person who knows enough about what's really going on to be scared." (P.J. Plauger, Computer Language, 1983)

Inspiration & Paradox 87: What isn’t part of yourselves doesn’t disturb us.

How much does this make sense to you?

“If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn’t part of yourselves doesn’t disturb us.” —Hermann Hesse

Inspiration & Paradox 86: Gaining and Losing at the Same Time

"It is one of the paradoxes of success that the things and ways which got you there are seldom those things that keep you there."~ Charles Handy

"For everything you gain, you lose something."~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Most of us plateau when we lose the tension between where we are and where we ought to be."~ John Gardiner

Inspiration & Paradox 85: Deadly Poison Now A Hot Favourite

Botulism toxin, one of the world's deadly killers, today has become a favourite cosmetic treatment called “Botox”, amongst thousands and thousands of mainstream people. A growing number of people are not only going for the cosmetic surgery but are now getting the treatment as festive and birthday gifts for family and friends.

No longer the preserve of Hollywood stars only, this famous poison in the diluted form is injected into the skin to weaken the facial muscles that control wrinkling. The Botox effect gradually wears off so repeat injections are required in about four months.

Where’s the common sense that it’s totally unnatural to inject a toxic chemical into the body? Common sense it’s not so common, I suppose...

"We are all born mad and some of us remain so!" Samuel Beckett

Inspiration & Paradox 84: Be Still When Gripped by Fear

Someone recently pointed out how irrational we can become when fear strikes. Sharing about his night topo out in the jungle back during his army days, he recalled how terror took control after receiving no reply came from his army mates no matter how he cried out for them. In that instance of realising that he was all alone and had lost his direction in the pitch-dark jungle, his very first reaction was run! And he ran as fast as he could without any vision or knowledge of which direction he was heading. "Staying put" was not an option in that state of panic...

How often are we like him? When the situation becomes so difficult that we want to run away from it, when a job becomes so unbearable that we want to call it a day, when someone do us wrong, we want to get back at it right away, when the road is long and winding, we want to shift up to a faster driving gear so that we can quickly see our destiny at the other end of the road... Often we already have a big reaction before we could think and assess the next best course of action to take.

Inspiration & Paradox 83: Greatest investment in this economic downturn

As I hugged my 3-year-old daughter this morning while trying to pull her out of bed, I asked myself how many more times of such hugging do I have....kids grow up too fast, by the time we know it, we have to relate to them at a different level. I was reminded..."when they are still young, find every opportunity to play with them, love them, teach them, and be with them, it may seem rash to give up your job when many jobs out there are becoming unstable, but you will surely realise one day that children are the greatest investment during this economic downturn..."

Inspiration & Paradox 82: Fulfilment of Being Ordinary

We were at my daughter’s childcare annual year-end concert this morning. One of the classes presented a Chinese song and dance item entitled “The Heart and Soul of a Small Fry” (my own translation), and I instantly turned to my husband who was sitting next to me and criticised that the teacher could have made a wiser choice of song. I was expecting the five, six year-olds to be singing with positive exuberance and embracing with all their hearts the future with great hopes for big achievements in life. I just could not understand the appropriateness of singing a song that promotes the happiness and contentment of people who contributing to the society by being just ordinary people holding small, lowly jobs. It was an absolute ridicule, I thought.

But as I sat there totally uninspired, thinking about the silly irony that the concert was presenting, something even more ironical happened. The words of the tuneful song spoke to my heart ... it went “I have never been bothered before that I am not somebody famous, because there is really also a blessing and a sense of fulfillment in being very plain and ordinary.” I did not immediately know why I reacted so emotionally to the song, but I came to realise something that was deep down in my heart – that I was yearning for simply living! And perhaps I needed a song like this to brace myself for a decision that I have trying to make for the past many months – to quit my full-time job and be with and for my young children more. I wrestled with the conviction that my kids are the most important people to me, my personal desire to achieve and fulfill more than what I am able to today, and be all that I can as a career woman. I wanted others to be proud of what I could do as a working mom and be inspired by my drive and capability and also had the fear of being rejected by the workforce if I wanted to find a job again after several years of unemployment.. And with the recent months of staffing issues and piling workload and incidents of being misunderstood at work, great discouragement set in and bogged me down, and at the same time, the impulsiveness in wanting to make things right away at all cost caused me to feel extremely anxious and depressed. A part of me wanted me to escape from all these, to see that it was time for me to let go of everything and leave the job and just be with the children, and another part of me told me to hold on and find vindication.

I still have no idea exactly what course of actions what I should take now, but the song lyrics surely did something to me; it tore apart the veil in my heart. I seem to be able to sense my own heart better and have received a clue to the answer to my confusing questions -- “It’s okay, don’t justify, stop struggling, let go of your pride, be still and spend time to find out and work out God's place for me in this world by pursuing the most important things in this season of my life."

Inspiration & Paradox 81: Sleep Talking

It’s strange; when we sleep, our brains seem to be as active as when we are awake, and our thinking, as logical, even though our body acts as if it’s in a state of paralysis. Just like in the case of my husband - he sleep-talks, and whenever I catch him doing that, I play along by responding to what he says, and almost every time he would “converse” with me as if he can really hear me. What’s so funny is, because only he can understand the context of the topic he has created in his dream, what he says to me is often gibberish and doesn’t make sense at all! The most incredible thing is, sometimes when he is obviously still sleeping, he can even tell me that he is awake and that I should stop poking fun at him!

Inspiration & Paradox 80: Are We Doing What We Say?

Strangely, the more we talk about something and emphasise that it’s important to us, the more we struggle with it and aren’t doing it. Just look at the extent we read, talk and extol about the goodness of health foods, staying slim, the need to exercise and relax; the more this world desires and strives for wholesome living, the more problems we seem to face – rising levels of obesity, weight and health issues, and stress and anxiety in our lives. What has gone wrong?

Inspiration & Paradox 79: Who is cleverer? A great charismatic leader or his follower?

A story was told of two great historical leaders:

"William Gladstone and Benjamin Disraeli were two of the fiercest political rivals of the 19th century. Their epic battles for control of the British Empire were marked by intense animosity that spilled over from the public arena into their personal lives. Ambitious, powerful, and politically astute, both men were spirited competitors and masterful politicians.

Though each man achieved impressive accomplishments for Britain, the quality that separated them as leaders was their approach to people. The difference is best illustrated by the account of a young woman who dined with the men on consecutive nights. When asked about her impression of the rival statesmen, she said, "When I left the dining room after sitting next to Mr. Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England. But after sitting next to Mr. Disraeli, I thought I was the cleverest woman in England." "

Inspiration & Paradox 78: “Don’t just do something, sit there”

A book entitled “Don’t just do something, sit there” caught my attention last week while I was browsing through some self-help books. The author, Richard Eyre challenges the wisdom of the ages and old clichés, and argues for a place for new maxims to inspire thoughts and establish liberating, energising attitudes towards life.

“If a thing is worth doing, it’s worth doing well.” versus “If a thing is just barely worth doing, then just barely do it.”

“Never put off until tomorrow that which you can do today.” versus “Always put off a put-off-able in favour of a now-or-never.”

“Get serious.” versus “The reason angels can fly is that take themselves lightly.”

Such principles bring to memory the Martha and Mary story in the Bible.

“Now as they went on their way, he entered a certain village, where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. She had a sister named Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to what he was saying. But Martha was distracted by her many tasks; so she came to him and asked, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her then to help me." But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her" (Luke 10:38-42).

The conflict between a hard worker, a doer “Martha” and “Mary” a dreamer, who rather sits and listens ignoring the work there is to be done, points to something much more to life than organising, working and worrying. It teaches that the world will not come to an end if we would sit still for a few moments, to be re-charged and renew our passion for life and work, to listen and connect to someone dear and important.

Don't Just Do Something, Sit There!

Inspiration & Paradox 77: Skills of Obtaining Power Deteriorate Once Power is Attained

Have you come across “tyrannical” leaders whom you find hard to respect and wondered how they get to the place where they are? Perhaps we can find the answer in the paradox of power.

While we know that power can be attained by coercion, deception and manipulation, we also believe that power is wielded most effectively by leaders who are attuned to and can engage the needs and interests and that empathy and collaboration is extremely important in acquiring and exercising power. However, ironically, some studies show that once people assume positions of power, they become more selfish, impulsive, and aggressive, which are all not helpful in influencing and attaining power.

Inspiration & Paradox 76: Know Less, Love More...

As I grow to understand life less and less,

I learn to love it more and more.

- Jules Renard

Inspiration & Paradox 75: False Self-esteem

Food for thoughts...

I was very much perplexed when told that the all-too-familiar American culture of promoting one’s self-esteem from young is now reaping its negative effects in terms of the nation’s rising depression rate. The Asian culture is often criticised for being too unforgiving and stingy with praises and that we have to look to the Westerners and learn to be gracious with our children, always telling them how much you love them, making them feel important and great, and even when they fail or make a mistake, assure them it’s okay, and tell them that they are always the best no matter what happens. We are reprimanded for not knowing how to celebrate and reward successes, for being too harsh with wrongdoings, and bringing up children who are not as confident, open, self-assured, and vocal as the Westerners...

Now, where are the “holes” in the Self-esteem Movement? I was explained that the self-esteem built in a culture of constant praises and rewards (... even for the smallest and most insignificant achievement) and unconditional acceptance of even the stupidest blunder does not allow oneself to learn about realistic assessment of one’s own abilities, strengths and weakness, and does not help in building a character of resilience and tenacity that would cushion the hard effects of failures, hardship, disappointments in the different seasons of life. After being told all the time that everything is alright and “I am the best”, it is obviously hard to come to terms with some very real imperfections in their life, their abilities as compared with others. People become confused and disoriented, and do not know how to face the realities and chart their next steps when they underachieve or make serious blunders in life. And when images of themselves and the world swirled into messy disarray, depression sets in...

"True self-esteem requires an accurate appraisal of one's own abilities in comparison to those of others...a phony self-esteem is vulnerable to puncture by life's experience."
Richard O'Connor

Inspiration & Paradox 74: Where's the Crowd?

When discussing about places, where to go and where not to go, you probably have heard something like this before:

“NOBODY GOES THERE ANYMORE, IT’S TOO CROWDED.”

What are we talking about?

Inspiration & Paradox 73: "Made from Sugar" and Not "Made of Sugar"

Popular low-calorie, diet sweetener Splenda is made from sugar and tastes like sugar, but strangely, it is not made of sugar, that is, it's free of sugar! How is this possible. Read full account in "Can You Drink Safely with Splenda?"

Inspiration & Paradox 72: Poor, Obese People

There is a growing body of research showing that the people who have gained the most weight in the last decade tend to have the lowest incomes. The poor face higher obesity because unhealthy food is more affordable has become a modern-day paradox.

The working poor often have no time for cooking, little money to buy fresh fruits and vegetables, and a long walk to the closest supermarket with a good produce section. These people are obese, frankly, because they have no money, and some diets are cheaper than others. Without adequate resources, poor families must maximize the number of calories they can buy so that their members do not suffer from frequent hunger. They may consume lower-cost foods with relatively higher levels of calories per dollar to stave off hunger when they lack the money or other resources like food stamps to purchase a healthier balance of more nutritious foods. The greater the economic constraints, the harder it will be for these families to achieve the nutritional quality of foods they need.

Inspiration & Paradox 71: How We Spend Money

"Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like."

~ Will Rogers

Inspiration & Paradox 70: Milk does not build Bones -- The Calcium Paradox

I find the Calcium Paradox rather shocking to read, especially when all this while I have been told to top up my intake of calcium by drinking more milk.

Studies showed that postmenopausal women who were taking calcium supplements a day were associated with an increase, instead of a decrease in fractures. A huge research on traditional Chinese diet, disease, and lifestyle studied more than 10,000 people in 130 villages across China from the southern coast to the Gobi desert and found that populations that relied on plant-based sources such as vegetables and whole grains for their calcium had much less heart disease, cancer, diabetes, and obesity than North Americans.

Some nutritionists have thus warned against the consumption of milk for strong bones. The argument is that we all assume bones are made up from only calcium, but the truth is that our bones are built on a foundation of collagen, proteins, magnesium, calcium, boron and other minerals, which together form the bone matrix. Taking enough calcium is important for children who are growing bones, but calcium supplementation alone does not go well with adults in terms of density. Preventing osteoporosis does not depend on calcium alone, but rather on preserving the bone matrix. The bone matrix is a living tissue whose strength and structure depend on many factors including other minerals besides calcium, the absorption of these nutrients from the gut, physical activity, and lifestyle. Also, milk is acid-forming and it's calcium-magnesium-phosphorus levels are way out of balance for proper human absorption and utilization. Fruits and vegetables provide alkalinity and are highly beneficial for bone health.

Inspiration & Paradox 69: When Good is Hated

Read this snippet in Reader's Digest:

A fellow teacher assigned his Year Four student to write a topic sentence for the following phrases: "Sam always works quietly. Sam is polite to the teacher. Sam always does his homework."

The student's topic sentence? "I hate Sam."

Inspiration & Paradox 68: Eat less fat and get fatter

Many people have experienced this paradox in their weight loss diet - "eat less fat and yet get fatter". The real culprit is sugar and refined carbohydrates which lead to insulin resistance. Read about it in Jane's story: Mystery of a Failed Weight Loss Diet.

Inspiration & Parodox 67: Relationship becomes difficult when life becomes easy.

My brother-in-law was sharing about his parents who used to be very loving but now have a problem relating to each other. He said something very interesting: couples belonging to his parents’ generation were able to endure hardship together but don’t know how to enjoy life together, in Chinese, 可以共患难, 但不能同享福. He went on to explain why –in their younger days, when times were difficult, couples shared a common goal, they slogged hard to provide for the children and keep the family together; life was in a way very purposeful and meaningful. There was somewhat a sense of unity. However, when their children grew up and their finances improved significantly, they suddenly could not relate to each other anymore, and started to have frequent arguments and vent their frustration at each other. They appeared to have lost their sense of mission in life and began to drift apart from each other.

He also spoke about the importance of developing a network of friends and keep a social support group which will be there for us when we retire from our jobs. He related that people who are retiring from their high corporate posts often faced a crisis in their lives as all of a sudden they have nothing to do and became a “nobody” in this world. Many of these men are left with no one else except their wives to command and boss around. Hence, ironically, many relationships became very difficult and tense at a time when people are supposed to feel most carefree and relaxed.

Inspiration & Paradox 66: Chaotic traffic may not be as dangerous as you think and orderly roads may not be as safe as you perceive

I have got to agree with some people who said that the traffic in Hanoi has to be the craziest in the world. What you see is a horrendous torrential rush of cars, carts, pedestrians, bicycles, motor cycles, vans, buses, and sometimes even horse carriages, all coming from different directions and intersecting, and a perpetual honking of the honk which nobody seems to be paying attention or bothered with. Crossing the streets was a daunting and heart pounding experience for me and my family, as there never seemed to be a break in the streams of vehicles and you would never find a right moment to cross unless you take a leap of faith to step out and trust that those darting motorcycles would somehow react in time to navigate around you. Our tour guide however revealed one interesting fact – though the traffic seemed to be extremely chaotic and somewhat out of control, nobody was obeying any rules on the road, and the traffic lights and lane markings were completely ignored, the accident rate surprisingly was much lower compared to that of the big modern cities with big roads where vehicles sped at a much faster rate. I am not sure how exactly that is possible but it probably has to do with the level of vigilance which naturally soars when surrounding danger is perceived, or perhaps the monotony of freeway travel on the straight express lanes in the cities has made travelling on the road even more challenging.

Inspiration & Paradox 65: Small is Big

In the minds of the Vietnamese, NOTHING IS
IMPOSSIBLE!

I snapped these pictures during my recent holidays with my family in Hanoi...

Look, who says you need a van or a truck to transport these things... 3 fat live pigs, 3 men in a row, a big basket of live chickens, and even a huge door (see the green oblong shape?)!!!

Inspiration & Paradox 64: When what you do now seems so insignificant...

Want to share this story that a friend sent to me over the email a few days ago. It came as an encouragement to me when I, with my own eyes and my own mind could perceive no purpose, and no fulfilment in what I am doing today...

"Don't give up.....
One day I decided to quit...I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality... I wanted to quit my life. I went to the woods to have one last talk with God. "God", I asked, "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?" His answer surprised me... "Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?" "Yes", I replied. "When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I to ok very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said. "In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would not quit." He said."Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Comparedto the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle." He asked me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots". "I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you." "Don't compare yourself to others." He said. "The bamboo had a different Purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful." "Your time will come", God said to me. "You will rise high" "How high should I rise?" I asked. "How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return."As high as it can?" I questioned. "Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can." I left the forest and brought back this story. I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you. Never, Never, Never Give up."

Inspiration & Paradox 63: Yesterday's Beliefs, Today's Ironies

Think twice before you make a judgment on impossibilities, especially if you are famous enough to be remembered by the many generations to come.

Lord Kelvin, President of the Royal Society, London - 1895"Heavier than air flying machines are impossible"

RCA Executives - 1920"This wireless music box [the radio] has no imaginable commercial value. Who would payto hear a message sent to nobody in particular?"

Thomas Watson, Chairman of the Board, IBM - 1943"I think that there may be a world market for maybe five computers"

Ken Olson, Chair, Digital Equipment - 1977"There's no possible reason anyone would ever want to have a computer in their home"

Bill Gates - 1981"640K ought to be enough for everybody"

Margaret Thatcher - 1974 "It will be years - not in my time - before a woman will become Prime Minister."

Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, US Office of Patents - 1899."Everything that can be invented has been invented."

A Boeing engineer, after the first flight of the 247, a twin engine plane that carried ten people. "There will never be a bigger plane built."

Business Week, August 2 - 1968 "With over 50 foreign cars already on sale here, the Japanese auto industry isn't likely to carve out a big slice of the US market."

Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859. "Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy."

Inspiration & Paradox 62: Truth or Tolerance?

A speaker made this remark during a parenting seminar that my husband and I attended – "I cannot stand it when people teach their children to be tolerant of other races’ differences – religion, belief, values. We must learn to respect the differences and not tolerate them. "

In dealing with what is the true religion and responding to what are the "truths" in our lives, we know that between two religions, it is possible that both are not true but it’s impossible that both are true. So how does one respect or tolerate another person’s religion and yet stand firmly on his/her own different religion? And when judging another’s beliefs, is it morally wrong to tell someone that it’s morally wrong? How do you respect another person’s values when they are totally different from yours? What is the difference in action and attitude when a person respect instead of tolerate? Can one really respect another person for the difference in responding to truths? Does respect entail acknowledging that everyone has the right to believe in everything, and one should not try to alter the beliefs of others? Aren't truths absolute? Or to some people they are only relative - that there are such a thing as half truth, less or greater truth? Or what does it really mean? And does tolerance simply mean that one should put up with the things you are not very happy to experience with the other person and pretend that it’s alright?

Inspiration & Paradox 61: When Sacrifice is a Sacrifice?

So, does sacrifice bring pain or happiness?

Whether it’s in a relationship or approaching an issue in life, the act of sacrifice often suggests the experiencing of great struggle and dilemma when in coming to terms with a situation and making a certain decision to give up something. However, people also often say that no good things happen without a sacrifice; this is,  no pain, no gain. This is the paradox of sacrifice. Think about it, the expected or desired outcome of that sacrifice must be so important that is enough to drive one to make that hard decision. If no benefits can be achieved by making a sacrifice, then there would be no sacrifices, and this makes the understanding of sacrifice concept fuzzy. Perhaps what could make a distinction is the motives behind the sacrifices, how selfless is it? Who receives the benefits of the sacrifice, others or own self after all? Nevertheless, when one gives up his time or his “well-being” for a purpose or for a person, the end result of the intended act of sacrificing must have brought about an outcome that is attractive enough to make one feel good or right about that sacrifice. Take for instance a common example of a mother who says she will make the sacrifice of giving up her rewarding career to take care of her growing up children.  What has probably helped her make the decision is the prospect of her children receiving more attention and guidance, better training and development, and becoming more able learners in schools and in life. So if the children grow up to do well in life, isn’t this also the gain of the mother and that sacrifice becomes not so much of a sacrifice? Take another contrasting case of a poor man who has nothing to give away but his time for a group of needy children who have nobody to take care of them. And if he tells you that that it’s not at all a sacrifice to him because this is what would make him feel happy and fulfilled in life, would it be still appropriate to call that a kind of sacrificial love for others?

Inspiration & Paradox 60: Can You Really "Balance Life"?

I am pretty sure you have heard of advise like this “you need to balance your life”, “you have to balance between job and family”. I personally find it hard to appreciate it because life it’s often about prioritising importance, letting go of certain things, and making sacrifices rather than making the balance of activities in amount. For instance, for myself, I have a family and two kids but I also have full-time job. I spent 80% of my time on my work and the rest of my time goes to my family. I never see myself as being able to balance my career and family. It is obvious enough from the amount of time I commit in each aspect that there is no balance there. Juggling the two is a constant challenge. But the decision on how little time I would spend on my family was upfront a very conscious one – if I work full time, I would have only little time left for my children who would then be left to other care-givers. I see it as something that I would have to give up if I work, and that I need to feel good about the arrangement and decision, otherwise I would not have done it the way. After all, my family could have also lived simply on just my husband’s one income if I choose not to work and stay at home to take care of the kids.

I guess ultimately, when we are being pulled in different directions and have to manage a tension caused by the demands and obligations in life, it’s about striking a point where we could make a conscious choice on how what the most feasible arrangement would be and be happy with whatever decision that is made.

Inspiration & Paradox 59: Why People Call Names Like "Stubborn Old Man" or "Angry Old Woman"

When I was much younger I couldn't understand why the old people I met were often grumbling, whining, angry and insistent in their ways. My rationale was that if these people claimed that they had been through it all, seen much more nonsense in this world then the youngsters, and "the salt they had eaten is more than the rice eaten by the youngsters" (as how the Chinese would interestingly put it), shouldn't they logically also become more open in their perspective, calmer, and slower in reacting to what is felt not to be right, and be more gracious in all their ways, why would they take things so hard?

But as I become older, I begin to realise that hard times, difficulties, and set backs in life may make it person wiser and more mature in their ways, but they could also easily cause a person's heart to turn cold, closed, hard, and even bitter. Many old people tend to be resistant to change because they feel that they would tried enough ways to know what works and what don't, they tend to be more cynical and critical because they feel that they know enough to make what they believe to be good judgement. Their fuse tend to be shorter because they probably have already put up too much nonsense before leaving them with no much patience or tolerance.

Perhaps that's why so many people talk about how to age well with grace and dignity. Instead of accepting old age as doddering and obsolesence and be seen as sour dumpings, continue to give and contribute in life. The physical form may keep be degenerating away day by day, but keeping the heart and mind going forward by learning, laughing, loving, and living will make all the difference.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

Inspiration & Paradox 58: Who Am I?

Have you ever mulled over who you really are, and considered the significance of your existence? I do, and rather often actually, since I was just a kid, not only when I feel despondent, but also during times when I feel so on top of the world. Many times, especially when standing amidst a crowd, suddenly I would ask myself what difference would it make to this world if I had just disappear into the thin air right away, who am I in this world, what difference would it make if I were to stop to exist, without me in this world, everything would just continue to be what it is like, the people I see in the crowd, their lives, the things I see, everything would continue to move on with time. My emotions, my thoughts, my desires, my ambitions, my fears, disappointments, my dreams and aspirations, my existence, and my all seem to only matter to just my brain, and paradoxically, they seem to be determined by what my brain thinks, those feelings are all exclusively mine, and they all seem to only matter to just me and nobody else. So what if I am glad, so what if I am sad, so what…….no one would be able to make that kind of connection about myself, except me. That feeling of isolation, smallness, and insignificance drives me to ponder a lot of myself, question my existence and my purposes in life. Our existence appears to be so transient, here we are today, and tomorrow we might be gone.

Life seems so fragile and meaningless until I came to know who God is, and who am I to Him. I found an outlet to those strange feelings and an answer to those moments of loneliness and insecurity. I am not alone, my God knows who I am, He calls me by my name, He knows me even before I was formed in my mother’s womb, He says I am wonderfully and fearfully made, He knows the number of hair I have on my head, He knows every single thought in my mind, and every emotion I have, every happiness and every sadness, and every move and breath I take, my past, my present and my future, my destiny. He knows them all. My God thinks about me in a way no one in this world can possibly fathom. That miraculous connection to my Creator perhaps is what people called spirituality. It makes me feel that my existence is more than just something what my brain determines it to be and what my five senses figure it to be. It’s an indescribable connection and a sense of intimacy, belonging, and bearing that my spirit can never find in this physical world, not even in the person who loves me with all his might and soul, and not even in the most precious and treasured relationship or object I can find or own.

Inspiration & Paradox 57: Give Away Power to Become More Powerful!

I love to read about organiational management, principles, beliefs, and stories. The greatest paradox of organizational life I have so far learnt perhaps is “The more power leaders give away, the more they have.” But even the most enlightened leaders, who recognize that empowering their employees is the key to a faster, more flexible organization, are struggling to answer these questions: "How will I know what is going on?" "Wouldn’t things run wildly out of control!"

Many leaders seem to think that all the stuff about empowering are not more than just nice sounding, politically correct theories that as long as they don't deny it publicly, they won't get criticised. However, relinquishing power to others takes great courage and wisdom. Only committed visionary leaders will find ways to embrace paradox no matter how hard it is. These successeful and enduring eaders discover that real power comes from committed employees who feel empowered. They want their followers to be knowledgeable and fully informed on all aspects of an operation. As a result, they strive for openness and spend much time and effort clarifying misunderstandings quickly and promoting open, two-way communication. These leaders recognize that the stronger each of their follower is, the more each can do. The better decision maker each follower is, the easier it is to push the bigger decisions down to lower levels. And all these ultimately strengthens the position of the leader, bringing him/her even greater success, which one alone can never achieve.

Inspiration & Paradox 56: Love Yourself to Not Hurt Your Spouse

A foreign pastor shared a very thought-provoking insight in church today. He talked about the resolution he made some 20 years ago that caused him to consciously make the effort to love and cherish his wife since then. It was then not too long into their marriage that he and his wife had some differences that led to a conflict. He raised his voice at his wife who reacted just by crying. Not only did he not soften his attitude but continued to be sarcastic and stepped out of the house in a fit of anger. As he did that, God spoke to him "You hate yourself. You are hurting your wife because you hate yourself. When you spoke harshly to her, you are punching yourself hard right at your own face. She is the flesh of your flesh, so when you hurt her, you are also hurting yourself". Those words drove him to repent of his wrong and seek forgiveness from his wife.

Perhaps you already realize that we are talking about a paradox here: Only by learning to love ourselves more can we love others more. By becoming more self-nurturing and assertive, we can become more giving. By knowing what it is to love ourselves can we then know how to offer love to others. By being able to recognize, listen to and honor our own emotions and needs in relation to our spouse, we can then express our wants, disappointments, hurts and frustrations to your spouse in constructive, non-demanding ways... And only such a person is truly strong, stable, mature, secure, confident, and attractive.

Inspiration & Paradox 55: Can We Be Friends?

The question of whether bosses should build friendship with their subordinates at the workplace somehow came up again in a family dinner conversation a couple of days ago. Perhaps, I like to talk about this subject because it's an area I really struggle with it and I want to learn how to better relate to my team members. As usual, I didn't get a clear answer to what was right or wrong, "it depends" seemed to be the perfect way to give the discussion a closure.

A typical reaction you will probably get when you touch on the subject is "this is ridiculous, impossible, silly...". In such a mindset, and especially in the Asian context (I think), developing friendship between superiors and subordinates is too idealistic; too naive. Allowing these people to become friends will only put the bosses at a disadvantage and cause them to lose their authority and rights as superiors. In this paradigm of thinking, friendship hampers productivity unnecessarily and makes bosses look incompetent. Moreover, when you start to choose who you want to be closer friends with, others might start pointing a finger at you for playing favouritism. So, if it's so tough to be your subordinates' friends and it exposes too much of your insecurity, don't try, just keep maintaining that professional distance and working relationship.

However, to the surprise of many people, a recent prestigious research found that fostering friendship between bosses and their employees does more good than harm. It promotes a warm, relaxed, and motivating work environment and improves the chances of achieving a more engaged workforce which in turn leads to a deeper commitment level at work, better productivity and success for the business. The study revealed that turning subordinates into your friends is a wise choice as it can reduce work stress and have a positive impact in the performance of the organisation. As I have always remarked about the highest ranking people in the organisation, "there is no need to show and exert authority, it's a fact that they already have it, and people know it". Perhaps, friendship and sincerity at work really can do greater wonders than fear and submission. But still, today many remain suspicious about this as it takes a great deal of courage to manage the tension between wanting to conduct work in a "business way" and in a "buddy way".

Inspiration & Paradox 54: Honey Lowers Sugar Level in Blood -- The Fructose Paradox

A revolutionary approach to weight control and overall health claims that natural honey can lower blood glucose level. The fuelling of the liver with a spoonful of honey or two for the night fast prior to bed (contrary to the belief that one should not eat late or he/she will grow fat) involves the following principles:

1. The liver is optimally replenished via fructose uptake and conversion into glucose and liver glycogen (stored glucose).

2. Fructose allows the uptake of glucose into the liver by activating the glucose enzyme --The Fructose Paradox.

3. Sleep is activated via insulin, serotonin and melatonin.

4. With good liver plenitude and stable blood glucose the brain activates the release of recovery hormones.

For more details, refer to: http://www.benefits-of-honey.com/hibernation-diet.html

Inspiration & Paradox 53: Great Minds Think Alike...

I'm sure many of us know and commonly use this witty English proverb "Great minds think alike" to flatter oneself or another, but do you know the second part of the proverb? If I tell you, next time you would probably think twice when you want to use this proverb.

Very ironically (I wonder what was the attitude and perspective of the author when he first coined this proverb), the second half of is "Fools seldom differ".

Very paradoxical, insightful, and full of sarcasm, right? Sounds like one of those remarks we sometimes hear "she is cute but ugly"...and reminds me of Hong Kong's famous "chou dou fu" (smelly fried tou fu).

Inspiration & Paradox 52: Compassion and Accountability

I just read this article on "Compassion Paradox"which I see many people wrestle with as they manage their subordinates.

The dilemma or struggle to show emphathy or to demand accountabilty with the right person and at the right time can be a skill which comes with some experience. Many people are either expert at holding people accountable or great at showing compassion. Learning to be excellent at both is key to becoming an effective leader. People who are comfortable with accountability view compassion as too "soft". And, people who are comfortable with compassion see accountability as too "hard". The paradoxical truth is that neither extreme is either "soft" or "hard". They are simply different responses to different leadership situations. You cannot be too soft if you want to be compassionate. Similarly, you cannot be too hard if you want accountabilty.

Inspiration & Paradox 51: Sheer Luck or Plain Effort?

The great scientist Louis Pasteur said this more than a century ago:

"Chance favors only the prepared mind."

By this, he meant that sudden flashes of insight (“Aha!”) don't just happen by pure chance, but are the product of preparation and hard work. Most of his great discoveries and insights were not those he was pursuing, but since his mind was prepared to make sense of them from his countless failures, he discovered much and was considered as “lucky”. He believed that nobody could accomplish goals or make discoveries by waiting for it to happen out of chance or sheer accident. Chance can only be encountered and appreciated if the mind is prepared to receive it. The prepared mind will recognize the "chance" as good fortune or an opportunity and act on it to make it happen. The unprepared mind cannot see the "chance" and keeps on going without benefiting anything.

Many great people shared the same belief as Pasteur:

"I am a strong believer in luck and I find the harder I work the more I have of it." -- Benjamin Franklin

Fortune has rarely condescended to be the companion of genius. -- Isaac Disraeli

"When you work seven days a week, fourteen hours a day, you get lucky." -- Armand Hammer

Inspiration & Paradox 50: Paradoxical Proverbs

lThis blog marks something significant -- I have come thus far and now am celebrating my 50th Paradox!

Read these proverbs and muse over them, the paradox in them, the philosophy and truth in them.....

Begin to weave and God will give you the thread.
— German proverb

More company increases happiness, but does not lighten or diminish misery.
— Thomas Traherne

If God is, why is there evil? But if God is not, why is there good?
— St. Augustine

Amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
— Author Unknown

As the island of our knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance.
— John Wheeler

It takes both sunshine and rain to make a rainbow.
— Author unknown

The smallest deed is worth more than the greatest intention.
— Seen on a church marquee.

It is good to have an end to journey toward;but it is the journey that matters in the end.
— Ursula LeGuinn

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the mind cannot understand.
— Robert Vallett

Inspiration & Paradox 49: Our best may not be God's best.

Perhaps one of the greatest ironies in my own life is having two daughters. As all my three other siblings are girls, since young I longed to have heros and brothers who could stand up and protect me like what was often shown on TV and movies. Ironically, my mum put me in a girl school for six years until secondary one, a welcome change for me. Later in life, before settling down, I still had a social life, then I liked to hang around a lot with guy friends. I enjoy their company, I like their culture, straightforwardness, no wishy-washy, in Mandarin we call it "shuang kuai". When my husband and I decided to have kids, I yearned for a boy, I wanted to have boys. It was as if my hopes were build around bearing and raising up fine boys and strong men. When I was pregnant, I was almost sure that I was carrying a boy, I felt it was a boy in all my nerves. During my second pregnancy, I had the same feelings. But in both cases, I was wrong, they all turned out to be girls. I name them Jerrie and Jackie -- both very strong female names, in my opinion.
Don't get me wrong, I love my girls a lot, and I love them with all my heart, and I don't have the slightest sense of regret of not having any sons. I often think that if God then had given me boys instead, I would not be as blessed and happy as now with my girls and their loveliness and gentleness and all the precious lessons they taught me to be a better mother. I am just sharing with you how ironical life sometimes can be, and how sometimes we may be wrong about what could really make us feel contented and fulfilled in life.

Inspiration & Paradox 48: "Acidic" foods are alkaline-forming foods

You heard of acidic versus alkaline foods?

If you have, I am sure you must have also been advised to include in your diet more alkaline-forming foods for better promotion of health. What I find very interestingly and also very ironically, a food's acid or alkaline-forming tendency in the body has nothing to do with the actual pH of the food itself! Take for example, lemons and limes are very acidic foods, however the end-products they produce after digestion and assimilation are very alkaline, so lemons and limes are considered alkaline-forming in the body -- which is good for our bodies. Likewise, meat will test alkaline before digestion but it leaves very acidic residue in the body so, like nearly all animal products, meat is very acid-forming. Hence, stomach acid or the pH of the stomach is an entirely different matter from the pH of the body's fluids and tissues. The body has an acid-alkaline (or acid-base) ratio called the pH which is a balance between positively charges ions (acid-forming) and negatively charged ions (alkaline-forming). If you are interested to read more, go to my honey web resource: http://www.benefits-of-honey.com/vinegar-and-honey.html

Inspiration & Paradox 47: What is Perfect Vision?

Recently I had my short-sighted vision corrected to 6-6 using Lasik. I was told that in 5 years time, I will not be able to escape long-sightedness. I find the idea of long sightedness and short-sightedness all very paradoxical if taking them apart from all the scientific reasonings we learn in school. Short-sightedness seems to be easier to understand -- you can see only near and not far, your vision is limited. Long-sightedness is not so easy to understand, if one cannot see things from a short distance, how are they able to see things that are faraway? In life, if the short term needs are not met, how will one be able to have the drive to go for things in the future? I have heard of people having a problem of short-sightedness on one eye and long-sightedness on the other, I cannot imagine what the world is like for them..... But may be then having a perfect vision is not about having 6-6 for some people who choose to just see with their mind and not eyes -- they only focus on things they can see. It is perhaps all about seeing what you want to see. Like bablies, don't they only focus on what is around them and what they are interested in or what catches their attention? So perhaps a real perfect vision can only be envisioned with the mind -- all our needs of seeing something is met when our focus is only on that something, that is, there is no need to see at a distance when our focus is only on all the happenings right in front of us, and similarly, there is no need to see where I am when my mind is on an object faraway.....

Inspiration & Paradox 46: Aggressiveness could mean Timidity

I noticed that when a person encounters uncertainty, insecurity, or threats and is overcome by fear and stress and pressure, aggression can easily set in. That is, the more one is gripped by fear, the more agressive his/her behaviour can become. It is like a defensive mechanism. So behind an aggressive and confrontational person, there could be a real timid, and insecure personality.

Inspiration & Paradox 45: Honey Fights Tooth Decay!

I am a honey enthusiast and I just found out that some university professor believed that certain honeys could stop plaque-forming bacteria in teeth and gums from growing. The honeys work to reduce acid in your mouth and stop the production of dextran, a gummy substance that helps plaque stick to your teeth. And the result is less tooth decay and fewer cavities! Ironical isn't it, I mean, I am very surprised because we always warn our children not to take too much sweet stuff as they are not good for the teeth.
PS: You might want to learn more about what honey is and its amazing benefits from my web resource: http://www.benefits-of-honey.com/. You will be amazed that a tiny little creature like bee could create such extraordinarily huge goodness for the human body. Yet, another paradox in life.

Inspiration & Paradox 44: When Less is More

In the pursuit of simplicity in our modern, hectic lifestyle, we are challenged to reflect upon our ambitions, possessions, career, and attachments and ask ourselves if we could let go of any unnecessary baggages. Having a mindset that "Less is More" can help us put our feet on the road of freedom and simplicty .

Inspiration & Paradox 43: When great understanding of each other in verbal communication leads to great misunderstanding in others

It seems paradoxical that the more you understand how and what the other person thinks, the lesser the verbal signals you will provide, and the more bizarre the conversation can become for outsiders, and the greater the misunderstanding it could cause in others. Give you an example that I encountered this morning:

I hit my little toe real hard against an old table leg accidentally this morning. It was excruciatingly pain, and I told my husband that I was going to sell the table to the “garong gunu” man (man who goes from house to house to look for old stuff to buy) as it was getting too much in my way. I said I will sell it for 100 bucks. He said the garong gunu man would laugh. Even though I knew that he actually meant my price was ridiculously high and I was asking too much, I purposely added “you mean the garong gunu man will be too thrilled to know that it’s only 100 bucks, ok, then let it be 200 bucks, how about that”. I knew my husband understood that I wasn’t serious about it and I also knew he wasn’t serious and what he meant exactly when he next said with a plain smile on his face – “Okay, 200 bucks then”. That’s how our conversation on the table ended. And I thought in my heart no outsider would ever understand our kind of language. Interestingly, many things are somehow left unspoken when two persons know each other well enough to interpret words the way they are supposed and intended to mean.

Inspiration & Paradox 42: Like attracts like or unlike?

Paradox strikes when I think about chemistry between people. There seems to be two different laws of attraction at work. People say that like attracts like and for a couple to sustain a relationship, they need to have common interests, likings, and share the thoughts and aspirations, but I also commonly hear people say that opposites attract, people look out for attributes which they do not have themselves in their other halves and even argue that opposites can be provide a complementary element in the relationship and they could live in mutual dependency.
Ask yourself how you would reconcile this paradox....

Inspiration & Paradox 41: Who can we best learn parenthood from?

As a child, I had a very difficult relationship with my mum. Basically, I could not agree with anything she did and I gave her a hard time. And when I had my first baby, I went through a very "blue" period. Strange enough, I did not have any natural mother instinct to tell me what were the expectations of a good mother. Having no mental picture of what an ideal mother should be, I was very fearful, felt very helpless and lost.

I realise that by the time we know well enough what is correct parenting and learn how to act and communicate like good responsible parents, it is the end of parenthood, our children have grown up and entered into parenthood themselves, and they start to wonder what they are supposed to do as responsible parents. And this vicious cycle of parenting struggle goes on and on. It seems that no children actually have known or seen before or could even envisage in their mind what perfect parents should be like. If this is really so, how can we learn to be perfect parents when parenthood cannot be repeated there will never ever be perfect parents for us to model after?

Inspiration & Paradox 40: Be glad when you feel lonely?!

I have friends who see loneliness as an emotional pain and fail to see any possibilities of good things springing from it. They undermine their sense of self-worth and feel they are not sufficiently loved by others as a result of feeling lonely.

But only as we thoughtlessly throw ourselves into the maddening mass, and start to compulsively secure relationships with all our might, fill our agendas and crowd every single bit of our own space, we then realise what we actually need after all.

Loneliness could be a place of solitude to discover your true self, a clue to help us find that stable inner security which will build us meaningful friendships, an amplifier to help us hear that still small voice within us telling us which direction to go, and an energising potion upon which we depend to engage in life pursuits.

Inspiration & Paradox 39: The Liar Paradox

If you love paradoxical statements, take a look at this one -- the Liar Paradox which revolves round a self-referential sentence:

(A) This sentence is false.

The statement in itself is a contradiction. If (A) is true, then (A) is false. On the other hand, assume (A) is false, then (A) is true. Since (A) is true if and only if it is false and (A) is one or the other, then it is both -- true and false, which is not possible!

Inspiration & Paradox 38: Beginnings are Endings & Endings are Beginnings

I understand why people say "All beginnings are also endings."

The beginning of life is usually marked by celebrations and joyful thoughts, however every beginning will surely has its ending, and when life marks its ending, it is remembered by just the opposite -- only grief and hard-to-let-go feelings. Similarly, beginnings of trials, sickness or persecution will bring tears, pain and suffering, but all trials will eventually come to end, and their endings bring relief and a heart of restfulness.

So, beginnings are also endings, and endings are also beginnings.

Inspiration & Paradox 37: Trouble with recalling unforgetable dreams

I am a dreamer, I tend to dream a lot, I mean having frequent dreams and long dreams at nite while asleep. And there is one thing that I always find very unexplainable and bizzare -- whenever I am awoken from a dream in the middle of the night, every scene and detail of what I see and hear in my dream seems to so vivid and deeply etched in my mind that I am always so very sure that I could remember everything becasue it was so real and I tell myself that I will describe it to my husband the next day. However, strangely, whenever morning comes, I wake up with hardly any recollection of the contents of the dream no matter how hard I try to recall. And I get very frustrated and confused because I just could not remember it anymore.

Inspiration & Paradox 36: Confusion is Positive

Have you ever been told by others when you are confused that "confusion is good" or have you ever told someone who is confused that "confusion is good"? Probably. The rationale is confusion shows that you know enough to actually recognise conflicting ideas and unclarity and it could indicate the beginning of knowledge. And if you know nothing about the subject, there will absolutely be no ground for confusion and thus no chance for learning to take place.

Inspiration & Paradox 35: Wish to change the wish to change

A couple of days ago, this TV host contester was asked “if there is one thing that you could wish that you could change in your life, what would that be?” His answer was original and unexpected – “it would be the wish to change the wish that he could change something in his life.” The whole beauty and glory about life itself is that it could never be repeated. Yes, he felt that there would always be some regrets in life, but instead of wishing he could do it all over again, he would rather think of how to face the consequences of those regrets.
I thought the way this guy has put his response across was quite interesting.

Inspiration & Paradox 34: Office workspace and Creativity level

Probably you might hear this kind of argument before when people in the office start to debate over whether work space should be improved to crank up the creative tempo in the organisation -- If we already enjoy a thriving creative culture, we really don’t need to talk about wrecking our brains in giving special space for creative work. If, on the other hand, creativity is not an integral part of your culture, this sort of workspace will then not be needed to contribute to a more creative organization. Question to this paradox then is: So when do we really need creative work space?

Inspiration & Paradox 33: Can you ask what you do not know?

I am pretty sure that you can identify with me this problem-- whenever people blame us for not taking the iniative to ask or clarify with others about a matter and hence not being able to contribute to the final resolution of the issue, we sometimes can't help but to protest "how am I supposed to ask about anything when I do not know anything??!!"

Inspiration & Paradox 32: Have you ever had the feeling of being so finite in this infinite world?

When I was not even a teenager, I mused a lot over my existence in this world and state of my existence. The fact that I actually existed as part of this amazing universe then overwhelmed me a lot, so much so that I felt that that my being was so small, insignificant and even absurd. I was very sure that if I were to just disappear in a split second from the surface of this earth, it wouldn't mean anything at all to this world. Trying to put dimension to my existence in this universe made me feel trapped and imprisoned. The deep consciousness and the fullness related to the acknowledgment of my finite existence was overpowering and actually caused me to feel that I was but an empty shell that is just a micro bit part of the infinite universe.

Inspiration & Paradox 31: Motion is an illusion?

Have you heard of the famous Zeno's Paradoxes which have interesting arguments about motion?
The first one I know is called the Dichotomy Paradox. Basically it says that if you want to get to a point that is say, 100 meters away, you must first get to the 50-meter mark, and to reach that, the you have to complete 25 meters. But to do that, you must first finish 12.5 meters, and so on and so forth. Since space is infinitely divisible, we can repeat these 'requirements' forever. Thus you have to reach an infinite number of 'midpoints' in a finite time. This is impossible, so you can never reach his destination.
Another one is known as the Arrow Paradox: A flying arrow at any given time has a certain position, and so does a motionless arrow. The question then is: which arrow then is actually moving?