Inspiration & Paradox 75: False Self-esteem

Food for thoughts...

I was very much perplexed when told that the all-too-familiar American culture of promoting one’s self-esteem from young is now reaping its negative effects in terms of the nation’s rising depression rate. The Asian culture is often criticised for being too unforgiving and stingy with praises and that we have to look to the Westerners and learn to be gracious with our children, always telling them how much you love them, making them feel important and great, and even when they fail or make a mistake, assure them it’s okay, and tell them that they are always the best no matter what happens. We are reprimanded for not knowing how to celebrate and reward successes, for being too harsh with wrongdoings, and bringing up children who are not as confident, open, self-assured, and vocal as the Westerners...

Now, where are the “holes” in the Self-esteem Movement? I was explained that the self-esteem built in a culture of constant praises and rewards (... even for the smallest and most insignificant achievement) and unconditional acceptance of even the stupidest blunder does not allow oneself to learn about realistic assessment of one’s own abilities, strengths and weakness, and does not help in building a character of resilience and tenacity that would cushion the hard effects of failures, hardship, disappointments in the different seasons of life. After being told all the time that everything is alright and “I am the best”, it is obviously hard to come to terms with some very real imperfections in their life, their abilities as compared with others. People become confused and disoriented, and do not know how to face the realities and chart their next steps when they underachieve or make serious blunders in life. And when images of themselves and the world swirled into messy disarray, depression sets in...

"True self-esteem requires an accurate appraisal of one's own abilities in comparison to those of others...a phony self-esteem is vulnerable to puncture by life's experience."
Richard O'Connor