Inspiration & Paradox 86: Gaining and Losing at the Same Time

"It is one of the paradoxes of success that the things and ways which got you there are seldom those things that keep you there."~ Charles Handy

"For everything you gain, you lose something."~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Most of us plateau when we lose the tension between where we are and where we ought to be."~ John Gardiner

Inspiration & Paradox 85: Deadly Poison Now A Hot Favourite

Botulism toxin, one of the world's deadly killers, today has become a favourite cosmetic treatment called “Botox”, amongst thousands and thousands of mainstream people. A growing number of people are not only going for the cosmetic surgery but are now getting the treatment as festive and birthday gifts for family and friends.

No longer the preserve of Hollywood stars only, this famous poison in the diluted form is injected into the skin to weaken the facial muscles that control wrinkling. The Botox effect gradually wears off so repeat injections are required in about four months.

Where’s the common sense that it’s totally unnatural to inject a toxic chemical into the body? Common sense it’s not so common, I suppose...

"We are all born mad and some of us remain so!" Samuel Beckett

Inspiration & Paradox 84: Be Still When Gripped by Fear

Someone recently pointed out how irrational we can become when fear strikes. Sharing about his night topo out in the jungle back during his army days, he recalled how terror took control after receiving no reply came from his army mates no matter how he cried out for them. In that instance of realising that he was all alone and had lost his direction in the pitch-dark jungle, his very first reaction was run! And he ran as fast as he could without any vision or knowledge of which direction he was heading. "Staying put" was not an option in that state of panic...

How often are we like him? When the situation becomes so difficult that we want to run away from it, when a job becomes so unbearable that we want to call it a day, when someone do us wrong, we want to get back at it right away, when the road is long and winding, we want to shift up to a faster driving gear so that we can quickly see our destiny at the other end of the road... Often we already have a big reaction before we could think and assess the next best course of action to take.

Inspiration & Paradox 83: Greatest investment in this economic downturn

As I hugged my 3-year-old daughter this morning while trying to pull her out of bed, I asked myself how many more times of such hugging do I have....kids grow up too fast, by the time we know it, we have to relate to them at a different level. I was reminded..."when they are still young, find every opportunity to play with them, love them, teach them, and be with them, it may seem rash to give up your job when many jobs out there are becoming unstable, but you will surely realise one day that children are the greatest investment during this economic downturn..."

Inspiration & Paradox 82: Fulfilment of Being Ordinary

We were at my daughter’s childcare annual year-end concert this morning. One of the classes presented a Chinese song and dance item entitled “The Heart and Soul of a Small Fry” (my own translation), and I instantly turned to my husband who was sitting next to me and criticised that the teacher could have made a wiser choice of song. I was expecting the five, six year-olds to be singing with positive exuberance and embracing with all their hearts the future with great hopes for big achievements in life. I just could not understand the appropriateness of singing a song that promotes the happiness and contentment of people who contributing to the society by being just ordinary people holding small, lowly jobs. It was an absolute ridicule, I thought.

But as I sat there totally uninspired, thinking about the silly irony that the concert was presenting, something even more ironical happened. The words of the tuneful song spoke to my heart ... it went “I have never been bothered before that I am not somebody famous, because there is really also a blessing and a sense of fulfillment in being very plain and ordinary.” I did not immediately know why I reacted so emotionally to the song, but I came to realise something that was deep down in my heart – that I was yearning for simply living! And perhaps I needed a song like this to brace myself for a decision that I have trying to make for the past many months – to quit my full-time job and be with and for my young children more. I wrestled with the conviction that my kids are the most important people to me, my personal desire to achieve and fulfill more than what I am able to today, and be all that I can as a career woman. I wanted others to be proud of what I could do as a working mom and be inspired by my drive and capability and also had the fear of being rejected by the workforce if I wanted to find a job again after several years of unemployment.. And with the recent months of staffing issues and piling workload and incidents of being misunderstood at work, great discouragement set in and bogged me down, and at the same time, the impulsiveness in wanting to make things right away at all cost caused me to feel extremely anxious and depressed. A part of me wanted me to escape from all these, to see that it was time for me to let go of everything and leave the job and just be with the children, and another part of me told me to hold on and find vindication.

I still have no idea exactly what course of actions what I should take now, but the song lyrics surely did something to me; it tore apart the veil in my heart. I seem to be able to sense my own heart better and have received a clue to the answer to my confusing questions -- “It’s okay, don’t justify, stop struggling, let go of your pride, be still and spend time to find out and work out God's place for me in this world by pursuing the most important things in this season of my life."

Inspiration & Paradox 81: Sleep Talking

It’s strange; when we sleep, our brains seem to be as active as when we are awake, and our thinking, as logical, even though our body acts as if it’s in a state of paralysis. Just like in the case of my husband - he sleep-talks, and whenever I catch him doing that, I play along by responding to what he says, and almost every time he would “converse” with me as if he can really hear me. What’s so funny is, because only he can understand the context of the topic he has created in his dream, what he says to me is often gibberish and doesn’t make sense at all! The most incredible thing is, sometimes when he is obviously still sleeping, he can even tell me that he is awake and that I should stop poking fun at him!

Inspiration & Paradox 80: Are We Doing What We Say?

Strangely, the more we talk about something and emphasise that it’s important to us, the more we struggle with it and aren’t doing it. Just look at the extent we read, talk and extol about the goodness of health foods, staying slim, the need to exercise and relax; the more this world desires and strives for wholesome living, the more problems we seem to face – rising levels of obesity, weight and health issues, and stress and anxiety in our lives. What has gone wrong?

Inspiration & Paradox 79: Who is cleverer? A great charismatic leader or his follower?

A story was told of two great historical leaders:

"William Gladstone and Benjamin Disraeli were two of the fiercest political rivals of the 19th century. Their epic battles for control of the British Empire were marked by intense animosity that spilled over from the public arena into their personal lives. Ambitious, powerful, and politically astute, both men were spirited competitors and masterful politicians.

Though each man achieved impressive accomplishments for Britain, the quality that separated them as leaders was their approach to people. The difference is best illustrated by the account of a young woman who dined with the men on consecutive nights. When asked about her impression of the rival statesmen, she said, "When I left the dining room after sitting next to Mr. Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England. But after sitting next to Mr. Disraeli, I thought I was the cleverest woman in England." "

Inspiration & Paradox 78: “Don’t just do something, sit there”

A book entitled “Don’t just do something, sit there” caught my attention last week while I was browsing through some self-help books. The author, Richard Eyre challenges the wisdom of the ages and old clichés, and argues for a place for new maxims to inspire thoughts and establish liberating, energising attitudes towards life.

“If a thing is worth doing, it’s worth doing well.” versus “If a thing is just barely worth doing, then just barely do it.”

“Never put off until tomorrow that which you can do today.” versus “Always put off a put-off-able in favour of a now-or-never.”

“Get serious.” versus “The reason angels can fly is that take themselves lightly.”

Such principles bring to memory the Martha and Mary story in the Bible.

“Now as they went on their way, he entered a certain village, where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. She had a sister named Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to what he was saying. But Martha was distracted by her many tasks; so she came to him and asked, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her then to help me." But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her" (Luke 10:38-42).

The conflict between a hard worker, a doer “Martha” and “Mary” a dreamer, who rather sits and listens ignoring the work there is to be done, points to something much more to life than organising, working and worrying. It teaches that the world will not come to an end if we would sit still for a few moments, to be re-charged and renew our passion for life and work, to listen and connect to someone dear and important.

Don't Just Do Something, Sit There!

Inspiration & Paradox 77: Skills of Obtaining Power Deteriorate Once Power is Attained

Have you come across “tyrannical” leaders whom you find hard to respect and wondered how they get to the place where they are? Perhaps we can find the answer in the paradox of power.

While we know that power can be attained by coercion, deception and manipulation, we also believe that power is wielded most effectively by leaders who are attuned to and can engage the needs and interests and that empathy and collaboration is extremely important in acquiring and exercising power. However, ironically, some studies show that once people assume positions of power, they become more selfish, impulsive, and aggressive, which are all not helpful in influencing and attaining power.

Inspiration & Paradox 76: Know Less, Love More...

As I grow to understand life less and less,

I learn to love it more and more.

- Jules Renard

Inspiration & Paradox 75: False Self-esteem

Food for thoughts...

I was very much perplexed when told that the all-too-familiar American culture of promoting one’s self-esteem from young is now reaping its negative effects in terms of the nation’s rising depression rate. The Asian culture is often criticised for being too unforgiving and stingy with praises and that we have to look to the Westerners and learn to be gracious with our children, always telling them how much you love them, making them feel important and great, and even when they fail or make a mistake, assure them it’s okay, and tell them that they are always the best no matter what happens. We are reprimanded for not knowing how to celebrate and reward successes, for being too harsh with wrongdoings, and bringing up children who are not as confident, open, self-assured, and vocal as the Westerners...

Now, where are the “holes” in the Self-esteem Movement? I was explained that the self-esteem built in a culture of constant praises and rewards (... even for the smallest and most insignificant achievement) and unconditional acceptance of even the stupidest blunder does not allow oneself to learn about realistic assessment of one’s own abilities, strengths and weakness, and does not help in building a character of resilience and tenacity that would cushion the hard effects of failures, hardship, disappointments in the different seasons of life. After being told all the time that everything is alright and “I am the best”, it is obviously hard to come to terms with some very real imperfections in their life, their abilities as compared with others. People become confused and disoriented, and do not know how to face the realities and chart their next steps when they underachieve or make serious blunders in life. And when images of themselves and the world swirled into messy disarray, depression sets in...

"True self-esteem requires an accurate appraisal of one's own abilities in comparison to those of others...a phony self-esteem is vulnerable to puncture by life's experience."
Richard O'Connor

Inspiration & Paradox 74: Where's the Crowd?

When discussing about places, where to go and where not to go, you probably have heard something like this before:

“NOBODY GOES THERE ANYMORE, IT’S TOO CROWDED.”

What are we talking about?

Inspiration & Paradox 73: "Made from Sugar" and Not "Made of Sugar"

Popular low-calorie, diet sweetener Splenda is made from sugar and tastes like sugar, but strangely, it is not made of sugar, that is, it's free of sugar! How is this possible. Read full account in "Can You Drink Safely with Splenda?"

Inspiration & Paradox 72: Poor, Obese People

There is a growing body of research showing that the people who have gained the most weight in the last decade tend to have the lowest incomes. The poor face higher obesity because unhealthy food is more affordable has become a modern-day paradox.

The working poor often have no time for cooking, little money to buy fresh fruits and vegetables, and a long walk to the closest supermarket with a good produce section. These people are obese, frankly, because they have no money, and some diets are cheaper than others. Without adequate resources, poor families must maximize the number of calories they can buy so that their members do not suffer from frequent hunger. They may consume lower-cost foods with relatively higher levels of calories per dollar to stave off hunger when they lack the money or other resources like food stamps to purchase a healthier balance of more nutritious foods. The greater the economic constraints, the harder it will be for these families to achieve the nutritional quality of foods they need.

Inspiration & Paradox 71: How We Spend Money

"Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like."

~ Will Rogers

Inspiration & Paradox 70: Milk does not build Bones -- The Calcium Paradox

I find the Calcium Paradox rather shocking to read, especially when all this while I have been told to top up my intake of calcium by drinking more milk.

Studies showed that postmenopausal women who were taking calcium supplements a day were associated with an increase, instead of a decrease in fractures. A huge research on traditional Chinese diet, disease, and lifestyle studied more than 10,000 people in 130 villages across China from the southern coast to the Gobi desert and found that populations that relied on plant-based sources such as vegetables and whole grains for their calcium had much less heart disease, cancer, diabetes, and obesity than North Americans.

Some nutritionists have thus warned against the consumption of milk for strong bones. The argument is that we all assume bones are made up from only calcium, but the truth is that our bones are built on a foundation of collagen, proteins, magnesium, calcium, boron and other minerals, which together form the bone matrix. Taking enough calcium is important for children who are growing bones, but calcium supplementation alone does not go well with adults in terms of density. Preventing osteoporosis does not depend on calcium alone, but rather on preserving the bone matrix. The bone matrix is a living tissue whose strength and structure depend on many factors including other minerals besides calcium, the absorption of these nutrients from the gut, physical activity, and lifestyle. Also, milk is acid-forming and it's calcium-magnesium-phosphorus levels are way out of balance for proper human absorption and utilization. Fruits and vegetables provide alkalinity and are highly beneficial for bone health.

Inspiration & Paradox 69: When Good is Hated

Read this snippet in Reader's Digest:

A fellow teacher assigned his Year Four student to write a topic sentence for the following phrases: "Sam always works quietly. Sam is polite to the teacher. Sam always does his homework."

The student's topic sentence? "I hate Sam."

Inspiration & Paradox 68: Eat less fat and get fatter

Many people have experienced this paradox in their weight loss diet - "eat less fat and yet get fatter". The real culprit is sugar and refined carbohydrates which lead to insulin resistance. Read about it in Jane's story: Mystery of a Failed Weight Loss Diet.

Inspiration & Parodox 67: Relationship becomes difficult when life becomes easy.

My brother-in-law was sharing about his parents who used to be very loving but now have a problem relating to each other. He said something very interesting: couples belonging to his parents’ generation were able to endure hardship together but don’t know how to enjoy life together, in Chinese, 可以共患难, 但不能同享福. He went on to explain why –in their younger days, when times were difficult, couples shared a common goal, they slogged hard to provide for the children and keep the family together; life was in a way very purposeful and meaningful. There was somewhat a sense of unity. However, when their children grew up and their finances improved significantly, they suddenly could not relate to each other anymore, and started to have frequent arguments and vent their frustration at each other. They appeared to have lost their sense of mission in life and began to drift apart from each other.

He also spoke about the importance of developing a network of friends and keep a social support group which will be there for us when we retire from our jobs. He related that people who are retiring from their high corporate posts often faced a crisis in their lives as all of a sudden they have nothing to do and became a “nobody” in this world. Many of these men are left with no one else except their wives to command and boss around. Hence, ironically, many relationships became very difficult and tense at a time when people are supposed to feel most carefree and relaxed.