Inspiration & Paradox 61: When Sacrifice is a Sacrifice?

So, does sacrifice bring pain or happiness?

Whether it’s in a relationship or approaching an issue in life, the act of sacrifice often suggests the experiencing of great struggle and dilemma when in coming to terms with a situation and making a certain decision to give up something. However, people also often say that no good things happen without a sacrifice; this is,  no pain, no gain. This is the paradox of sacrifice. Think about it, the expected or desired outcome of that sacrifice must be so important that is enough to drive one to make that hard decision. If no benefits can be achieved by making a sacrifice, then there would be no sacrifices, and this makes the understanding of sacrifice concept fuzzy. Perhaps what could make a distinction is the motives behind the sacrifices, how selfless is it? Who receives the benefits of the sacrifice, others or own self after all? Nevertheless, when one gives up his time or his “well-being” for a purpose or for a person, the end result of the intended act of sacrificing must have brought about an outcome that is attractive enough to make one feel good or right about that sacrifice. Take for instance a common example of a mother who says she will make the sacrifice of giving up her rewarding career to take care of her growing up children.  What has probably helped her make the decision is the prospect of her children receiving more attention and guidance, better training and development, and becoming more able learners in schools and in life. So if the children grow up to do well in life, isn’t this also the gain of the mother and that sacrifice becomes not so much of a sacrifice? Take another contrasting case of a poor man who has nothing to give away but his time for a group of needy children who have nobody to take care of them. And if he tells you that that it’s not at all a sacrifice to him because this is what would make him feel happy and fulfilled in life, would it be still appropriate to call that a kind of sacrificial love for others?

Inspiration & Paradox 60: Can You Really "Balance Life"?

I am pretty sure you have heard of advise like this “you need to balance your life”, “you have to balance between job and family”. I personally find it hard to appreciate it because life it’s often about prioritising importance, letting go of certain things, and making sacrifices rather than making the balance of activities in amount. For instance, for myself, I have a family and two kids but I also have full-time job. I spent 80% of my time on my work and the rest of my time goes to my family. I never see myself as being able to balance my career and family. It is obvious enough from the amount of time I commit in each aspect that there is no balance there. Juggling the two is a constant challenge. But the decision on how little time I would spend on my family was upfront a very conscious one – if I work full time, I would have only little time left for my children who would then be left to other care-givers. I see it as something that I would have to give up if I work, and that I need to feel good about the arrangement and decision, otherwise I would not have done it the way. After all, my family could have also lived simply on just my husband’s one income if I choose not to work and stay at home to take care of the kids.

I guess ultimately, when we are being pulled in different directions and have to manage a tension caused by the demands and obligations in life, it’s about striking a point where we could make a conscious choice on how what the most feasible arrangement would be and be happy with whatever decision that is made.

Inspiration & Paradox 59: Why People Call Names Like "Stubborn Old Man" or "Angry Old Woman"

When I was much younger I couldn't understand why the old people I met were often grumbling, whining, angry and insistent in their ways. My rationale was that if these people claimed that they had been through it all, seen much more nonsense in this world then the youngsters, and "the salt they had eaten is more than the rice eaten by the youngsters" (as how the Chinese would interestingly put it), shouldn't they logically also become more open in their perspective, calmer, and slower in reacting to what is felt not to be right, and be more gracious in all their ways, why would they take things so hard?

But as I become older, I begin to realise that hard times, difficulties, and set backs in life may make it person wiser and more mature in their ways, but they could also easily cause a person's heart to turn cold, closed, hard, and even bitter. Many old people tend to be resistant to change because they feel that they would tried enough ways to know what works and what don't, they tend to be more cynical and critical because they feel that they know enough to make what they believe to be good judgement. Their fuse tend to be shorter because they probably have already put up too much nonsense before leaving them with no much patience or tolerance.

Perhaps that's why so many people talk about how to age well with grace and dignity. Instead of accepting old age as doddering and obsolesence and be seen as sour dumpings, continue to give and contribute in life. The physical form may keep be degenerating away day by day, but keeping the heart and mind going forward by learning, laughing, loving, and living will make all the difference.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

Inspiration & Paradox 58: Who Am I?

Have you ever mulled over who you really are, and considered the significance of your existence? I do, and rather often actually, since I was just a kid, not only when I feel despondent, but also during times when I feel so on top of the world. Many times, especially when standing amidst a crowd, suddenly I would ask myself what difference would it make to this world if I had just disappear into the thin air right away, who am I in this world, what difference would it make if I were to stop to exist, without me in this world, everything would just continue to be what it is like, the people I see in the crowd, their lives, the things I see, everything would continue to move on with time. My emotions, my thoughts, my desires, my ambitions, my fears, disappointments, my dreams and aspirations, my existence, and my all seem to only matter to just my brain, and paradoxically, they seem to be determined by what my brain thinks, those feelings are all exclusively mine, and they all seem to only matter to just me and nobody else. So what if I am glad, so what if I am sad, so what…….no one would be able to make that kind of connection about myself, except me. That feeling of isolation, smallness, and insignificance drives me to ponder a lot of myself, question my existence and my purposes in life. Our existence appears to be so transient, here we are today, and tomorrow we might be gone.

Life seems so fragile and meaningless until I came to know who God is, and who am I to Him. I found an outlet to those strange feelings and an answer to those moments of loneliness and insecurity. I am not alone, my God knows who I am, He calls me by my name, He knows me even before I was formed in my mother’s womb, He says I am wonderfully and fearfully made, He knows the number of hair I have on my head, He knows every single thought in my mind, and every emotion I have, every happiness and every sadness, and every move and breath I take, my past, my present and my future, my destiny. He knows them all. My God thinks about me in a way no one in this world can possibly fathom. That miraculous connection to my Creator perhaps is what people called spirituality. It makes me feel that my existence is more than just something what my brain determines it to be and what my five senses figure it to be. It’s an indescribable connection and a sense of intimacy, belonging, and bearing that my spirit can never find in this physical world, not even in the person who loves me with all his might and soul, and not even in the most precious and treasured relationship or object I can find or own.

Inspiration & Paradox 57: Give Away Power to Become More Powerful!

I love to read about organiational management, principles, beliefs, and stories. The greatest paradox of organizational life I have so far learnt perhaps is “The more power leaders give away, the more they have.” But even the most enlightened leaders, who recognize that empowering their employees is the key to a faster, more flexible organization, are struggling to answer these questions: "How will I know what is going on?" "Wouldn’t things run wildly out of control!"

Many leaders seem to think that all the stuff about empowering are not more than just nice sounding, politically correct theories that as long as they don't deny it publicly, they won't get criticised. However, relinquishing power to others takes great courage and wisdom. Only committed visionary leaders will find ways to embrace paradox no matter how hard it is. These successeful and enduring eaders discover that real power comes from committed employees who feel empowered. They want their followers to be knowledgeable and fully informed on all aspects of an operation. As a result, they strive for openness and spend much time and effort clarifying misunderstandings quickly and promoting open, two-way communication. These leaders recognize that the stronger each of their follower is, the more each can do. The better decision maker each follower is, the easier it is to push the bigger decisions down to lower levels. And all these ultimately strengthens the position of the leader, bringing him/her even greater success, which one alone can never achieve.

Inspiration & Paradox 56: Love Yourself to Not Hurt Your Spouse

A foreign pastor shared a very thought-provoking insight in church today. He talked about the resolution he made some 20 years ago that caused him to consciously make the effort to love and cherish his wife since then. It was then not too long into their marriage that he and his wife had some differences that led to a conflict. He raised his voice at his wife who reacted just by crying. Not only did he not soften his attitude but continued to be sarcastic and stepped out of the house in a fit of anger. As he did that, God spoke to him "You hate yourself. You are hurting your wife because you hate yourself. When you spoke harshly to her, you are punching yourself hard right at your own face. She is the flesh of your flesh, so when you hurt her, you are also hurting yourself". Those words drove him to repent of his wrong and seek forgiveness from his wife.

Perhaps you already realize that we are talking about a paradox here: Only by learning to love ourselves more can we love others more. By becoming more self-nurturing and assertive, we can become more giving. By knowing what it is to love ourselves can we then know how to offer love to others. By being able to recognize, listen to and honor our own emotions and needs in relation to our spouse, we can then express our wants, disappointments, hurts and frustrations to your spouse in constructive, non-demanding ways... And only such a person is truly strong, stable, mature, secure, confident, and attractive.

Inspiration & Paradox 55: Can We Be Friends?

The question of whether bosses should build friendship with their subordinates at the workplace somehow came up again in a family dinner conversation a couple of days ago. Perhaps, I like to talk about this subject because it's an area I really struggle with it and I want to learn how to better relate to my team members. As usual, I didn't get a clear answer to what was right or wrong, "it depends" seemed to be the perfect way to give the discussion a closure.

A typical reaction you will probably get when you touch on the subject is "this is ridiculous, impossible, silly...". In such a mindset, and especially in the Asian context (I think), developing friendship between superiors and subordinates is too idealistic; too naive. Allowing these people to become friends will only put the bosses at a disadvantage and cause them to lose their authority and rights as superiors. In this paradigm of thinking, friendship hampers productivity unnecessarily and makes bosses look incompetent. Moreover, when you start to choose who you want to be closer friends with, others might start pointing a finger at you for playing favouritism. So, if it's so tough to be your subordinates' friends and it exposes too much of your insecurity, don't try, just keep maintaining that professional distance and working relationship.

However, to the surprise of many people, a recent prestigious research found that fostering friendship between bosses and their employees does more good than harm. It promotes a warm, relaxed, and motivating work environment and improves the chances of achieving a more engaged workforce which in turn leads to a deeper commitment level at work, better productivity and success for the business. The study revealed that turning subordinates into your friends is a wise choice as it can reduce work stress and have a positive impact in the performance of the organisation. As I have always remarked about the highest ranking people in the organisation, "there is no need to show and exert authority, it's a fact that they already have it, and people know it". Perhaps, friendship and sincerity at work really can do greater wonders than fear and submission. But still, today many remain suspicious about this as it takes a great deal of courage to manage the tension between wanting to conduct work in a "business way" and in a "buddy way".

Inspiration & Paradox 54: Honey Lowers Sugar Level in Blood -- The Fructose Paradox

A revolutionary approach to weight control and overall health claims that natural honey can lower blood glucose level. The fuelling of the liver with a spoonful of honey or two for the night fast prior to bed (contrary to the belief that one should not eat late or he/she will grow fat) involves the following principles:

1. The liver is optimally replenished via fructose uptake and conversion into glucose and liver glycogen (stored glucose).

2. Fructose allows the uptake of glucose into the liver by activating the glucose enzyme --The Fructose Paradox.

3. Sleep is activated via insulin, serotonin and melatonin.

4. With good liver plenitude and stable blood glucose the brain activates the release of recovery hormones.

For more details, refer to: http://www.benefits-of-honey.com/hibernation-diet.html

Inspiration & Paradox 53: Great Minds Think Alike...

I'm sure many of us know and commonly use this witty English proverb "Great minds think alike" to flatter oneself or another, but do you know the second part of the proverb? If I tell you, next time you would probably think twice when you want to use this proverb.

Very ironically (I wonder what was the attitude and perspective of the author when he first coined this proverb), the second half of is "Fools seldom differ".

Very paradoxical, insightful, and full of sarcasm, right? Sounds like one of those remarks we sometimes hear "she is cute but ugly"...and reminds me of Hong Kong's famous "chou dou fu" (smelly fried tou fu).

Inspiration & Paradox 52: Compassion and Accountability

I just read this article on "Compassion Paradox"which I see many people wrestle with as they manage their subordinates.

The dilemma or struggle to show emphathy or to demand accountabilty with the right person and at the right time can be a skill which comes with some experience. Many people are either expert at holding people accountable or great at showing compassion. Learning to be excellent at both is key to becoming an effective leader. People who are comfortable with accountability view compassion as too "soft". And, people who are comfortable with compassion see accountability as too "hard". The paradoxical truth is that neither extreme is either "soft" or "hard". They are simply different responses to different leadership situations. You cannot be too soft if you want to be compassionate. Similarly, you cannot be too hard if you want accountabilty.

Inspiration & Paradox 51: Sheer Luck or Plain Effort?

The great scientist Louis Pasteur said this more than a century ago:

"Chance favors only the prepared mind."

By this, he meant that sudden flashes of insight (“Aha!”) don't just happen by pure chance, but are the product of preparation and hard work. Most of his great discoveries and insights were not those he was pursuing, but since his mind was prepared to make sense of them from his countless failures, he discovered much and was considered as “lucky”. He believed that nobody could accomplish goals or make discoveries by waiting for it to happen out of chance or sheer accident. Chance can only be encountered and appreciated if the mind is prepared to receive it. The prepared mind will recognize the "chance" as good fortune or an opportunity and act on it to make it happen. The unprepared mind cannot see the "chance" and keeps on going without benefiting anything.

Many great people shared the same belief as Pasteur:

"I am a strong believer in luck and I find the harder I work the more I have of it." -- Benjamin Franklin

Fortune has rarely condescended to be the companion of genius. -- Isaac Disraeli

"When you work seven days a week, fourteen hours a day, you get lucky." -- Armand Hammer

Inspiration & Paradox 50: Paradoxical Proverbs

lThis blog marks something significant -- I have come thus far and now am celebrating my 50th Paradox!

Read these proverbs and muse over them, the paradox in them, the philosophy and truth in them.....

Begin to weave and God will give you the thread.
— German proverb

More company increases happiness, but does not lighten or diminish misery.
— Thomas Traherne

If God is, why is there evil? But if God is not, why is there good?
— St. Augustine

Amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
— Author Unknown

As the island of our knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance.
— John Wheeler

It takes both sunshine and rain to make a rainbow.
— Author unknown

The smallest deed is worth more than the greatest intention.
— Seen on a church marquee.

It is good to have an end to journey toward;but it is the journey that matters in the end.
— Ursula LeGuinn

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see, and knows what the mind cannot understand.
— Robert Vallett

Inspiration & Paradox 49: Our best may not be God's best.

Perhaps one of the greatest ironies in my own life is having two daughters. As all my three other siblings are girls, since young I longed to have heros and brothers who could stand up and protect me like what was often shown on TV and movies. Ironically, my mum put me in a girl school for six years until secondary one, a welcome change for me. Later in life, before settling down, I still had a social life, then I liked to hang around a lot with guy friends. I enjoy their company, I like their culture, straightforwardness, no wishy-washy, in Mandarin we call it "shuang kuai". When my husband and I decided to have kids, I yearned for a boy, I wanted to have boys. It was as if my hopes were build around bearing and raising up fine boys and strong men. When I was pregnant, I was almost sure that I was carrying a boy, I felt it was a boy in all my nerves. During my second pregnancy, I had the same feelings. But in both cases, I was wrong, they all turned out to be girls. I name them Jerrie and Jackie -- both very strong female names, in my opinion.
Don't get me wrong, I love my girls a lot, and I love them with all my heart, and I don't have the slightest sense of regret of not having any sons. I often think that if God then had given me boys instead, I would not be as blessed and happy as now with my girls and their loveliness and gentleness and all the precious lessons they taught me to be a better mother. I am just sharing with you how ironical life sometimes can be, and how sometimes we may be wrong about what could really make us feel contented and fulfilled in life.

Inspiration & Paradox 48: "Acidic" foods are alkaline-forming foods

You heard of acidic versus alkaline foods?

If you have, I am sure you must have also been advised to include in your diet more alkaline-forming foods for better promotion of health. What I find very interestingly and also very ironically, a food's acid or alkaline-forming tendency in the body has nothing to do with the actual pH of the food itself! Take for example, lemons and limes are very acidic foods, however the end-products they produce after digestion and assimilation are very alkaline, so lemons and limes are considered alkaline-forming in the body -- which is good for our bodies. Likewise, meat will test alkaline before digestion but it leaves very acidic residue in the body so, like nearly all animal products, meat is very acid-forming. Hence, stomach acid or the pH of the stomach is an entirely different matter from the pH of the body's fluids and tissues. The body has an acid-alkaline (or acid-base) ratio called the pH which is a balance between positively charges ions (acid-forming) and negatively charged ions (alkaline-forming). If you are interested to read more, go to my honey web resource: http://www.benefits-of-honey.com/vinegar-and-honey.html

Inspiration & Paradox 47: What is Perfect Vision?

Recently I had my short-sighted vision corrected to 6-6 using Lasik. I was told that in 5 years time, I will not be able to escape long-sightedness. I find the idea of long sightedness and short-sightedness all very paradoxical if taking them apart from all the scientific reasonings we learn in school. Short-sightedness seems to be easier to understand -- you can see only near and not far, your vision is limited. Long-sightedness is not so easy to understand, if one cannot see things from a short distance, how are they able to see things that are faraway? In life, if the short term needs are not met, how will one be able to have the drive to go for things in the future? I have heard of people having a problem of short-sightedness on one eye and long-sightedness on the other, I cannot imagine what the world is like for them..... But may be then having a perfect vision is not about having 6-6 for some people who choose to just see with their mind and not eyes -- they only focus on things they can see. It is perhaps all about seeing what you want to see. Like bablies, don't they only focus on what is around them and what they are interested in or what catches their attention? So perhaps a real perfect vision can only be envisioned with the mind -- all our needs of seeing something is met when our focus is only on that something, that is, there is no need to see at a distance when our focus is only on all the happenings right in front of us, and similarly, there is no need to see where I am when my mind is on an object faraway.....

Inspiration & Paradox 46: Aggressiveness could mean Timidity

I noticed that when a person encounters uncertainty, insecurity, or threats and is overcome by fear and stress and pressure, aggression can easily set in. That is, the more one is gripped by fear, the more agressive his/her behaviour can become. It is like a defensive mechanism. So behind an aggressive and confrontational person, there could be a real timid, and insecure personality.

Inspiration & Paradox 45: Honey Fights Tooth Decay!

I am a honey enthusiast and I just found out that some university professor believed that certain honeys could stop plaque-forming bacteria in teeth and gums from growing. The honeys work to reduce acid in your mouth and stop the production of dextran, a gummy substance that helps plaque stick to your teeth. And the result is less tooth decay and fewer cavities! Ironical isn't it, I mean, I am very surprised because we always warn our children not to take too much sweet stuff as they are not good for the teeth.
PS: You might want to learn more about what honey is and its amazing benefits from my web resource: http://www.benefits-of-honey.com/. You will be amazed that a tiny little creature like bee could create such extraordinarily huge goodness for the human body. Yet, another paradox in life.

Inspiration & Paradox 44: When Less is More

In the pursuit of simplicity in our modern, hectic lifestyle, we are challenged to reflect upon our ambitions, possessions, career, and attachments and ask ourselves if we could let go of any unnecessary baggages. Having a mindset that "Less is More" can help us put our feet on the road of freedom and simplicty .

Inspiration & Paradox 43: When great understanding of each other in verbal communication leads to great misunderstanding in others

It seems paradoxical that the more you understand how and what the other person thinks, the lesser the verbal signals you will provide, and the more bizarre the conversation can become for outsiders, and the greater the misunderstanding it could cause in others. Give you an example that I encountered this morning:

I hit my little toe real hard against an old table leg accidentally this morning. It was excruciatingly pain, and I told my husband that I was going to sell the table to the “garong gunu” man (man who goes from house to house to look for old stuff to buy) as it was getting too much in my way. I said I will sell it for 100 bucks. He said the garong gunu man would laugh. Even though I knew that he actually meant my price was ridiculously high and I was asking too much, I purposely added “you mean the garong gunu man will be too thrilled to know that it’s only 100 bucks, ok, then let it be 200 bucks, how about that”. I knew my husband understood that I wasn’t serious about it and I also knew he wasn’t serious and what he meant exactly when he next said with a plain smile on his face – “Okay, 200 bucks then”. That’s how our conversation on the table ended. And I thought in my heart no outsider would ever understand our kind of language. Interestingly, many things are somehow left unspoken when two persons know each other well enough to interpret words the way they are supposed and intended to mean.

Inspiration & Paradox 42: Like attracts like or unlike?

Paradox strikes when I think about chemistry between people. There seems to be two different laws of attraction at work. People say that like attracts like and for a couple to sustain a relationship, they need to have common interests, likings, and share the thoughts and aspirations, but I also commonly hear people say that opposites attract, people look out for attributes which they do not have themselves in their other halves and even argue that opposites can be provide a complementary element in the relationship and they could live in mutual dependency.
Ask yourself how you would reconcile this paradox....