Inspiration & Paradox 58: Who Am I?

Have you ever mulled over who you really are, and considered the significance of your existence? I do, and rather often actually, since I was just a kid, not only when I feel despondent, but also during times when I feel so on top of the world. Many times, especially when standing amidst a crowd, suddenly I would ask myself what difference would it make to this world if I had just disappear into the thin air right away, who am I in this world, what difference would it make if I were to stop to exist, without me in this world, everything would just continue to be what it is like, the people I see in the crowd, their lives, the things I see, everything would continue to move on with time. My emotions, my thoughts, my desires, my ambitions, my fears, disappointments, my dreams and aspirations, my existence, and my all seem to only matter to just my brain, and paradoxically, they seem to be determined by what my brain thinks, those feelings are all exclusively mine, and they all seem to only matter to just me and nobody else. So what if I am glad, so what if I am sad, so what…….no one would be able to make that kind of connection about myself, except me. That feeling of isolation, smallness, and insignificance drives me to ponder a lot of myself, question my existence and my purposes in life. Our existence appears to be so transient, here we are today, and tomorrow we might be gone.

Life seems so fragile and meaningless until I came to know who God is, and who am I to Him. I found an outlet to those strange feelings and an answer to those moments of loneliness and insecurity. I am not alone, my God knows who I am, He calls me by my name, He knows me even before I was formed in my mother’s womb, He says I am wonderfully and fearfully made, He knows the number of hair I have on my head, He knows every single thought in my mind, and every emotion I have, every happiness and every sadness, and every move and breath I take, my past, my present and my future, my destiny. He knows them all. My God thinks about me in a way no one in this world can possibly fathom. That miraculous connection to my Creator perhaps is what people called spirituality. It makes me feel that my existence is more than just something what my brain determines it to be and what my five senses figure it to be. It’s an indescribable connection and a sense of intimacy, belonging, and bearing that my spirit can never find in this physical world, not even in the person who loves me with all his might and soul, and not even in the most precious and treasured relationship or object I can find or own.