Paradox and Inspiration 137: Killing time...

Has it occured to you that when discussing hobbies and interests, phrases such as "to kill time" and "to past time" have evaporated from our speech, leaving us with only "to find time" and "to manage time"...

Paradox and Inspiration 136: Elusive Point of Balance

Many parents are quick to crucify Amy Chua. I believe her method of bringing up her daughters is not entirely garbage. At least for me, she has pointed to the relevance of authority and discipline. Well, I am not lauding that mums should turn into stuffed-animals arsonists or ego-shamers of their children when they fall short in their performance, and I feel she has over generalised Chinese Mums, but there were many plain truths in what she said. And I think she got into the spate of cacophonous attacks because those truths were just downright hard, old-fangled, and drab. But I think this is one of the best things she said "as a parent, one of the worst things you can do for your child's self-esteem is to let them give up."

Yet, the point of balancing the East and West approaches in raising young souls can be elusive. I have been trying to find it (respecting the kids' individuality and protecting their self-esteem on one hand and punishing and pushing them so that they achieve on the other) and at the same time wondering if in reality it exists at all...What worked for her and her daughters may not necessarily be the best for others, and can even be plain diaster for some. So, I must say, though she wrote with exceptional aplomb, to be agreeable with her view that "Chinese Mothers are Superior" is far from easy.

Paradox and Inspiration 135: Tiger or Wimp?

"I wish she wasn't so soft and indulgent. I wish she recognised that in some ways the school cafeteria is more intellectually demanding than the library."

David Brooks
Tiger Mum? Amy Chua's a Wimp
The Straits Times, Review and Forum 19 Jan 2011

Paradox and Inspiration 134: Are Your Children Demanding Teachers Earn Respect?

Many parents, including my other half have spoken about how our new generation of youngsters have to be nurtured differently, how they should be generously showered with praises so as they would not grow up with a defeatist attitude and warped self-esteem, and how we should treat them as equals when relating to them, talk to them as if they are adults and we are all friends, and that we should be aware that they are a different generation that demand their teachers and seniors to earn their respect and adoration by first proving their credibility and worth.

Yes, I agree that sometimes we as Asian parents do not listen enough to our children, allowing them to express their views, showing appreciation of their opinions despite of our own negative experience we have with our own parents when we were young. But I am afraid that in our endeavour to perform better than the previous generation, we might have unconsciously thrown ourselves to the other extreme when raising our children. As much as we desire our children to grow up as highly self-assured, confident individuals, ask of ourselves if we have also at the same time allowed them to become too self-opinionated, ego-centric, and even too critical and arrogant in the way they perceive others. Are we indirectly encouraging them to be too quick in judging others from the start and demanding their authorities and teachers to first prove their worth before receiving any positive treatment? Are we really teaching our children the right thing? Why should we condone such behaviours and inclinations, just because they belong to a newer, more rebellious generation?

I want my children to be confident and articulate, but I also want to accentuate in them a positive, teachable spirit. As parents, we were called to be the parents of our children and not their friends. They must learn about the institution of authorities in their life and in this society, an awareness of others, and due polite respect for the authorities, the elderly, their seniors, teachers, bosses and parents, who all should be given the benefit of the doubt for the positions they are in. Yes, children should not be expected to blindly and willingly accept any kind of ill treatment and wrong teachings, but what I mean is start with the positive attitude, relate to teachers from the onset with a respectful attitude, recognising they have been given the responsibility to rule over them, rather than adopting a challenging, critical, nonchalant or even hostile disposition right from the beginning. How about unreasonable and incapable educators? Yes, they do exist unfortunately, but they will just have to worry for themselves as their standing and honour amongst their students, peers, and bosses will surely dissipate over time. When we over-indulge our children and bail them out too early from difficult situations, they cannot experience the hard truths about life for themselves and would never learn that the world just doesn't revolve around them.

Paradox and Inspiration 133: Wander

“Not all those who wander are lost.” – J. R. R. Tolkien

Paradox and Inspiration 132: Questions We Never Were Curious Enough to Ask

A story was told of a housewife who was preparing dinner when her inquistive daughter popped her a question. "Mum, why do you always have to cut the ham into half before putting it into the oven to grill?" The housewife paused for a moment and replied, "Hmmm....well darling, I'm not sure why but I learned to do this from your grandma since I was a little girl like you."

That very weekend, as part of her routine visit, the housewife dropped by at her mum's place and remembered to ask her daughter's question. And she was stumped as her mum as-a-matter-of-factly said, "Oh, I had to cut it into halves because I never had a plate big enough for the whole ham."

Paradox and Inspiration 131: Last Minute Interventions

Two weeks ago, I had a large fibroid in my uterus removed by laparoscopy. Much to my relief, I am now up and about.

In the past 9 years, open surgery was the only option given to me by my gynaecologist due to the fibroid size – scanned as 8cm in diameter. Yet, a second opinion from another gynaecologist gave me only 50% chance of doing a laparoscopy provided I took a special medicine for some time to shrink the fibroids beforehand. As much as I resented the idea of a 5 to 6 weeks recovery from an open surgery and putting up with the pain, the uncertainty of a successful keyhole surgery led me to my eventual choice – open surgery.

Just two weeks before the scheduled open surgery, my sister unexpectedly passed me the contact of an expert in minimally invasion surgery. However, after having my appointment date messed up by the counter staff and making a wasted trip, and reading to greater length that only small fibroids can be removed by laparoscopy on the internet, I talked myself out of the idea of seeking further advice. Having reached the end of my tether and feeling completely resigned to an open surgery, I decided to forget about the new appointment date.

Guided by some bizarre coincidence, I ended up at the dentist in the morning of the appointed day and then having the dentist somehow led to share with me that her friend’s fibroid which was as big as 10cm was removed by keyhole surgery. That was nothing close to what I had been drummed into believing all the time! Never did I know that large fibroids could be removed that way! Bowled over by the hope of avoiding the big surgery came, I showed up for the appointment that afternoon, without any prior planning. Unbelievably as it turned out, the doctor confidently said the surgery could be done for the 8cm fibroid and I immediately scheduled for it to happen the following week.

Many amazing things occurred, but nothing topped being told by the doctor after the surgery that the fibroid turned out to be joined with another big fibroid and its size was more than double - 19cm by 18cm!

Thank God for all the last minute interventions!

Paradox & Inspiration 130: What is Happiness?

A survey conducted by the National University of Singapore Business School in 2006 polled more than 1,000 people, aged 20 to 69 concluded the following:

"...people who have a university or postgraduate qualification and earn $5,000 or more a month are the happiest...But they are also dissatisfied with their achievements and enjoy life the least, compared with those who are less well-off...it is the Singaporeans earning less than $2,000 a month who enjoy life the most"

The Straits Times, 10 Jan 2010

So, this study seems to suggest happiness is not about enjoying life?

Paradox & Inspiration 129: Laze and Be Merry

In her Straits Times article "Have a lazy new year", a lady columnist criticised that purposeful and noble new year resolutions were stifling and questioned if there was more to life than bettering ourselves. Resolved not to undertake any industrious endeavours for the new year, she claimed, "All I want to do with time is to waste it." She advised us to think twice before signing up for another self-improvement class, and instead of getting up for morning exercise, have a luxurious sleep-in until noon...and announced she would be spending lots of time in the virtual world by joining her husband who was having loads of fun acquiring girlfriends in computer games.

When has staying productive and busy become so uncool? And, do people actually need to make resolutions just to become lazy?

Paradox & Inspiration 128: Life Isn't...

Life is not about how far you run,
how high you climb,
but it is about...
how fast you bounce.

Paradox and Inspiration 127: Time Waits for No Man

Behold, without the world stopping for even a split second to send off 2009, the rushing tides of 2010 have already crept in for more than a week! It all seems too uneventful, the normalcy of the fact that "2009 is gone forever!" scares me; surely this has to be more dramatised than this… we can never have 2009 back!

Be awaken to the jolting fact time never stops, steer the rudder and work on my to-do-list that is growing by the day. Make 2010 count please.

Paradox and Inspiration 126: Never get into the good books of the judges if you want to be Singapore Idol

In the Life Section of 2 Jan 2010 Straits Times, Jeremy Au shared his interesting analysis of why Sylvia Ratonel, who was deemed as the hot favourite, lost the Singapore Idol title to Sezair Sezal. One of the determining factor according to him had to do with how much the judges like the contestant. When the judges so frequently made it so obvious that Sylvia Rationel should emerge as the winner, it was like giving her "the kiss of death". Why? Singapore voters hated the judges and would do anything to crush the judges' hope, according to Jeremy Au.

Paradox & Inspiration 125: Kids, Don't Wash Your Hands Before Meal Times

How often do we holler our kids for not washing up themselves before they grab and stuff food into their mouths? And how much money have we so lavishly splurged on antibacterial hand soaps? And how much effort have we made to survey the most effective brand of antibacterial bath gel just to make sure the kids stay clean and protected at all times? We think that our kids should keep themselves germs-free so that they don't fall sick easily, don't we?

A new Northwestern University research suggests otherwise. Its findings reveal that normal exposure to everyday germs early in life can prevent diseases in adulthood. Below are some quotes from Thomas McDade, lead author of the study, associate professor of anthropology in Northwestern's Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences and a faculty fellow at the Institute for Policy Research.

"...inflammatory networks may need the same type of microbial exposures early in life that have been part of the human environment for all of our evolutionary history to function optimally in adulthood...we have this idea that we need to protect infants and children from microbes and pathogens at all possible costs...But we may be depriving developing immune networks of important environmental input needed to guide their function throughout childhood and into adulthood. Without this input, our research suggests, inflammation may be more likely to be poorly regulated and result in inflammatory responses that are overblown or more difficult to turn off once things get started."

The study, which began in the 1980s, was conducted with data from a longitudinal study of 3,327 Filipino mothers in their third trimester of pregnancy. The mothers were interviewed about care giving and their households were assessed for socioeconomic levels and hygiene. Researchers continued to make visits and followed up until the research subjects were approximately 22 years of age. Blood tests revealed Filipino participants in their early 20s had CRP concentrations on average of .2 milligrams per liter -- that's about five to seven times lower than the average CRP levels C-reactive protein (CRP), a protein that rises in the blood due to inflammation, in adulthood, for Americans of the same age.

You, the discerning reader make the judgement call and decide.

Paradox & Inspiration 124: Story Finds an Ending

At 3am in the wee hours of 4 September, 2003, our car crashed into a right turning silver vehicle which failed to stop for us at the junction of Bukit Timah Road and Central Expressway. The almost head-on collision left me with a back lash, serious bruises on the chest, a dentine fracture, and two chipped teeth. The next three day found me lying in Tan Tock Seng Hospital, which issued a month of medical leave for me to recover at home. My two-year old daughter whom we were then rushing to the Kandang Kerbau Hospital because of a persistent high fever in the middle of the night ironically recovered instantly after the accident. She was yanked like a puppet to the front seat from the back seat where I was sponging her after I lost grip of her and just before I smashed unto the seat in front of me. For reasons known only to God, she miraculously survived the crash without even the slightest scratch on her body. The Chinese proverb, “Not even strand of hair on the body was disturbed” best described her escape. Much to my relief, my husband, the driver, sustained only cuts and bruises on the body with the protection of the activated airbag. And thankfully, despite the hard slam, none of my bones was ruptured. To this day, recounting how car was wrecked beyond recognition in the crash still sends cold quivers down my spine.

The silver car driver’s very first statement to the police was that he failed to stop for us, however, a few days later he amended his statement and claimed that the traffic was green in his favor. My husband set out on a furious search for witnesses, and traffic cameras, checked with the relevant authorities, but all was in vain. In the meanwhile, I was struggling to recover from the excruciating pain on the lower back which the doctor informed that I probably had to live with it for the rest of my life.

Months later, in 2004, the police wrapped up the case by announcing it as “Inconclusive” due to the contradictory statements from both parties and the lack of evidence on what had actually happened in the accident. Hence, both parties had to bear equal responsibility for the damages. As we were not ready to incur any lawyer fees and continue with the energy-draining ordeal, we committed the situation to God, gave thanks for the closure and were determined to forgive that man and move on.

A year later, the unthinkable happened. We received a letter from our car insurance lawyer, informing that the silver car driver had implicated us as a co-defendant for the suit he was involved in. His passenger had sued him for her injury and he wanted us to bear part of the responsibility. There’s nothing more fitting than the Chinese proverb “thunder strikes in bright sunny sky” to describe this jarring, freakish news. So many questions flooded our minds as we tried to figure the situation, “What could be more outrageous than for this man to sue us for something he did wrong!” “What does he have up in his sleeves?” “Isn’t he going too far to push his luck!”

Flabbergasted and vexed, we had no choice but to pursue the matter. Our car insurance lawyer could not take up private cases, so he referred us to another lawyer who so coincidentally happened to know our case inside out. You wouldn’t believe this; it’s so surreal -- this lawyer turned out to be the lawyer representing the silver car’s passenger who was suing her own driver!

We engaged the lawyer and before long the whole investigation started all over again. Immediately, I was sent for a series of detailed scans and examination of my back condition by different doctors. Everything was so dreadful and wearisome. I resented the process, wishing that the car accident had never happened at all.

Ultimately, six years later, just after the lawyer had finished preparing me for the Assessment Hearing in Court, the matter took a drastic turn out of the blue. A letter dated 1 September 2009, merely three days away from the very same day the accident happened in 2003, made its way from the lawyer’s office to our mailbox, offering a compensation to settle the case out of the court amicably.

Monetary wise, the payoff was small, but the finish of the episode was good enough to shake off any sense of injustice that had smitten us for those years.

I thank you, God, with all my heart.

Paradox & Inspiration 123: Money Can't Buy

Money can buy a house
but not a home.
Money can buy a bed
but not sleep.
Money can buy a clock
but not time.
Money can buy a book
but not knowledge.
Money can buy food
but not an appetite.
Money can buy position
but not respect.
Money can buy blood
but not life.
Money can buy medicine
but not health.
Money can buy sex
but not love.
Money can buy insurance
but not safety.

Paradox & Inspiration 122: Plague Doesn't Kill

An oriental legend tells of the desert traveler, who, one night met Fear and Plague, going to Baghdad where they expected to kill 10,000 persons.

The traveler asked Plague if he would do all the killing and Plague answer, "Oh, no, I shall kill only a few hundred and my friend Fear will kill the others."

-R & R Magazine

Paradox & Inspiration 121: The Lemonade Cleansing Recipe

Designed over a half century ago by Stanley Burroughs, the Master Cleanse, also known as the Lemonade Detox uses natural ingredients to clean the internal digestive walls of debris build-up and mucous.

What I find paradoxical is its ingredients – lemon juice, cayenne pepper, refrigerated mixture. As the Master Cleanse is not a diet because no solid food is eaten, I would take it as a fasting recipe. And during fasting, it is rather incredulous to take cold, citrus, and spicy drinks even if it’s for one or two days. I'd deem it as too stimulating and damaging for the digestive system!

Yet, those who have been on this 10-day detox process say it is safe, and swear by its cleansing and weight loss results. And what is most fascinating is most detox programmes come and go, but this Master Cleanse method has lasted for more than 50 years and has even become more popular now.

Paradox & Inspiration 120: Oxymorons

My favourite oxymorons:

1) religious tolerance
2) civil war
3) seriously funny
4) terribly good
5) good grief
6) negative growth
7) final draft
8) pretty ulgly

And, my favourite one-word oxymorons:

1) extraordinary
2) spendthrift
3) supernatural
4) someone

Paradox & Inspiration 119: Harmful Cigarettes

Big irony.

While FDA is furiously slapping bans on herb companies which sell products with insufficient safety tests, it is endorsing the marketing and selling of a deadly carcinogenic -- cigarettes.

If cigarette is neither a food nor a dietary health supplement, it is then clearly a drug. But if it’s approved as a drug, where are the required safety tests? In fact, you immediately know there isn’t when you see those graphic health warning labels on every pack of cigarette.

Paradox & Inspiration 118: Mother Teresa's Anyway Poem

Mother Teresa's Anyway Poem

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.