Paradox and Inspiration 156: Forgiving and Forgetting, Which Comes First?

Critics of "Forgive and Forget" believe that forgiving doesn't mean forgetting - one can forgive without forgetting. As much as it sounds logical, I find that when I have forgiven, it is actually when I find it hard to remember how I have been wronged. Could "forget and forgive" hold more truth then? How much can you really forgive if you can't forget anything?

Paradox and Inspiration 155: US Health Stats

A disturbing fact, the United States

...spends the MOST money on health care (as a % of GDP)...

...yet, is ranked 73rd in the world for overall health system performance.

Source: World Health Organization

Paradox and Inspiration 154: When Adults are Also Children

Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.
~Jim Fiebig

Paradox and Inspiration 153: When Being Right is Wrong

Sorry, that was mean. I could have just nodded my head to acknowledge that I had heard her.

Somehow, I just marched into the shop and brushed past the sales lady, without even looking at her face or bothering to respond to her "What are you looking for" in Mandarin. I'm not sure why I did it, perhaps all I could think of at that point in time was to rush to grab a bag of dried wolfberries and go, or maybe then I had ignored her because I was turned off by the repeated encounters of sales people asking that same old standard question when in your mind there's absolutely nothing that I am looking for, or could it be that I was still processing her question for an answer and by the time I could decide if I was actually looking for something, I had already whizzed past her? I'm only human, entitled to occasional glitches.

Full of excuses.

Paradox and Inspiration 152: Religion to Unite or Divide?

Man institutes religion to unite divided hearts, but sanctions it to tear families apart.

Paradox and Inspiration 151: Which is More Offensive?

A banner at the Boon Lay MTRT tells you that littering, spitting and urinating are punishable by law. This is nothing bizzare for the locals, but hold on, look at the fines. Why are they different?

I got you, didn't I?

Paradox and Inspiration 150: Hard Truths Hit Home

Before facing The Hard Truths, I did not have the same measure of appreciation for the leader’s vision, and less did I know the man's commitment to this country.

Lee Kuan Yew epitomises the figure of austerity and paternalistic authority. His unvarnished opinions could easily come across to others as callousness at its worst. And his brutal candour in responding to the journalists questions was startling, to say the least. Even if he hadn't quipped that he was not at all interested in impressing people, I think even his biggest opposition would not dispute that.

It's probably hard to ascribe the attributes of a benevolent and gracious leader unto him. However, he shall not be forgotten for being the architect behind Singapore's remarkable transformation from third-world country to first and his dogmatic push of ideas including a clean and green island, a corruption-free government, and a society based on meritocracy. And perhaps what stands out the most for me is his unequivocal passion for Singapore that exudes through and through. In his words - “Singapore is my concern till the end of my life.”

His firm belief in Singapore’s vulnerability had led him to making decisions that earned him high praises on international level as well as invited the most bitter criticisms at the same time. Some of his views were not easy to accept – the power of hierarchy that influences the prejudices of each race, the misgiving that the Malays in Singapore would not compromise on their religious practice and beliefs for the sake of social integration, the implication that currently all oppositions are "duds" deemed as not capable enough to rule Singapore, the belief that females should produce more children and contribute substantially to the work force at the same time (and let foreign maids hired at low cost to take over the care-giver role?), and the argument that Singapore is not yet a nation when a not-so narrow definition of “a nation” could have been anchored on instead.

While reading the book, you feel like you're bending over under the overbearing weight of his extreme empahsis of economy prowess. But I must say at some point, it did set me thinking, how often in life are we given a middle path to perform the balancing act? Sometimes it's just not a matter of striking a balance but about making a hard choice of sacrifices, is it?

Paradox and Inspiration 149: What Is....

A riddle from my impressive girl,

What is more powerful than God,
The poor has it,
The rich doesn't have it,
And you will die if you eat it?

Answer?
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
NOTHING

Paradox and Inspiration 148: Grace versus Law

Truths that I never knew before:
1) Righteousness is not earned. It is an unmerited gift. Romans 5:17
2) Faith is superior to the law. Galatians 3:23-25
3) Either all of grace or all of law, no part grace and part law. Colossians 2:13-15
4) Obedience is the fruit of blessings, and not the root of blessings. Romans 1:1-5
5) Obedience to faith and not the law. 2 Corinthians 10:5

Paradox and Inspiration 147: Dignity Doesn't Come with Age

While looking for an unoccupied table at the IMM food court, I caught my nine-year-old reasoning with an old granny in Mandarin. On enquiring, my girl complained that she was the first to get to the table but the old lady argued that she was more deserving because she had gone round the food court three times hunting for a table. I pulled my reluctant, red-faced daughter away and explained to her that it was not worth fighting over it. As we retreated, the old lady also hastened off to alert the rest of her family members of her find. This time, another young boy bolted over to take the same table, but was again shooed away by the returning old lady. Looking disgusted, the boy stormed off, muttering "I really feel like giving her the finger!"

Paradox and Inspiration 146: Choice to Smile

A perspective that I'm been trying to point to my girl who tends to feel blue after having a ball of a good time with her cousins...

“Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.”
~Dr. Seuss

Paradox and Inspiration 145: "Disneyland with a Death Penalty"

Singapore, "an antiseptic island peopled by a passive citizenry and governed by paranoia"?
Hard Truths, Lee Kuan Yew

Is this why so many western foreigners have labelled us as a people as dull and uninspired as dirt?

Paradox and Inspiration 144: ERP IU Cashcard Cover - to use or not to use?

Jason got a piece of ERP IU Cashcard Cover free from a purchase of a new Thinkpad. Useless, he griped. Obviously he wasn't thrilled in the slightest by the gift. The cover, an invention by a Singaporean, was meant to hide the cash card from window-smashing thieves and help one avoid the consequence of forgetting to insert the cashcard before driving through an ERP gantry. O come on, if there's no cash card, why put the cover, he groused again.

Paradox and Inspiration 143: Riches Without Money

"Some people are rich before they have money."
~www.financialjesus.com

Paradox and Inspiration 142: Woes of a Working Mum and the Logical Fallacy of Rewarding Moms for Working & Producing More Children

Today an old friend of mine recounted how her husband had fallen out with his own mom ever since she refused to relieve part of their burden by taking care of her daughter and how on one occassion she had to cajole her daughter's childcare teacher who was on her off-day into taking care of her sick daughter for the day. Realising I wasn't alone in the same plight of having no maid or any other help with my children, I began to wonder if there were a lot of people like me who have fallen through the cracks of the social system. I recalled during the General Election, one of the Opposition Parties found out that many old folks in Singapore were worried about falling sick. For my friend and I, it was about praying hard that the children would not come down with a bout of fever or flu that would result in denial of entry to the centre and no childcare for that day.

It's been already two years since I surrendered my corporate climb to join the part-time work force. In all honesty, I had never entertained the idea of quitting work for the family until Jerrie entered Primary One. As much as I would love to return to work full-time (Oh, how I miss the adrenaline rush from work achievements much more than the luxury of living on a dual income!), I just cannot imagine where the panacea to all my childcare woes could be sourced from. When holding on to a full-time job, I could never understand what people meant by striking a work-life balance. Resigning to a work-life imbalance sounded more realistic. Whenever the kids fell ill (and Jerrie was quite a sickly child then), we had to literally plead for help to take care of the kid for a day or two while we rushed off to attend meetings. On discovering how crappy and irresponsible the before-and-after school care was, I tried not to mull over it to repress the stabbing guilt. Many people couldn’t comprehend why we were so resolved on not hiring a maid to help out with the kids just like everybody else. Too non-conformist or too idealistic thinking? I'm altogether not too sure either. Simply put, I could hardly imagine relinquishing the role of caring for my young kids to a foreign maid.

It was then far from easy to save my sanity when I had to aim for excellent work performance and also think about meeting the needs of my kids at the same time; when I had to make sure either my husband or myself could make it to the childcare centre in time to collect the kids from Monday to Friday; when I would rebuke myself for ending up paying the late fines on days when I was not able to come up with a reasonable excuse to end the meeting earlier and reach the centre before 7pm; when I had to stop questioning why my heart could become so callous as to let my kids eat take-away food from the hawker centre seven days a week; when I just didn't know where to turn my seemingly unrepentent face away from the penetrating eyes of the childcare teacher who informed that I had time and again failed to read my child's communication book and missed signing her up for some particular centre activity; when I had to drop everything at work and rush home after receiving calls from my daughter who was weeping in trepidation on the other end of the line and sounded as if she was on the verge of freaking out after finding out she had forgotten to bring a book or stationery expected by her ferocious teacher; and when I felt there was no choice but to shut myself off from finding out how the child was coping in school because all energy seemed to have departed after work and I felt too depleted to care. Every morning, before enough strength could be braced to figure how to make a break from the rut of everyday challenges, I found myself wedged behind the running wheel of a bewildering roller coaster ride. And as each day slipped by, each one like the last, it dawned on me that I was forging forward but barely getting by.

Another friend had taken the plunge to be a stay-at-home mum some ten years ago. She recently shared with me how in the first few years she would stress to her children that she had given up her career to coach them and they better not let their grades slip, and how her husband had labelled her as "an unwilling housewife". Why do stay-at-home mums often feel that they had made a great sacrifice? Let's face it, it's an under-appreciated role in the society. Working mums are affirmed and incentivised by the government while stay-at-home mums are brushed aside and even slapped with steeper childcare fees. What message is being passed on here? Working moms are contributing more to the society? Then what about moms who had to send a child to full-time childcare to have more time for another schooling child or other family commitments? In a nation so hardwired for fostering economic growth and competitiveness, we stay-at-home-mums have paled into insignificance. Even with a part-time job now, having to make arrangements with my husband to make sure there’s always someone at home with the young kids remains a constant effort. A mere triviality it may seem, but with no maid or any other help in the picture, I do question if others could imagine how entangled people like us actually felt about appearing in gatherings or places without the kids. On one hand working moms are much valued, and on the other, they are beseeched to produce more children to boost the Total Fertility Rate, save the shrinking population, and ease immigration tensions, but oh man, where is all the help and support coming from?!

Paradox and Inspiration 140: Idiocy is Wondrous

"Idiocy in the modern age isn't an all-encompassing, twenty-four-hour situation for most people. It's a condition that everybody slips into many times a day. Life is just too complicated to be smart all the time...It is a wondrous human characteristic to be able to slip into and out of idiocy many times a day without noticing the change or accidentally killing innocent bystanders in the process." ~ Dilbert

Paradox and Inspiration 141: What He Says Versus What Others Say About Him

"You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him."

— Audrey Hepburn

Paradox and Inspiration 139: A Questionless Answer

It's amazing how sometimes people are so eager to give you an answer to a question that you may not even have...

Paradox and Inspiration 138: Making Ourselves Feel Painful

It’s easier to endure great pain than to feel the short or face the fear, so between pain and fear, pain wins hands down most of the time. And hence, the punishment we mete out to ourselves can be far more damaging and undeserving than anybody else may have given us.

Paradox and Inspiration 137: Killing time...

Has it occured to you that when discussing hobbies and interests, phrases such as "to kill time" and "to past time" have evaporated from our speech, leaving us with only "to find time" and "to manage time"...

Paradox and Inspiration 136: Elusive Point of Balance

Many parents are quick to crucify Amy Chua. I believe her method of bringing up her daughters is not entirely garbage. At least for me, she has pointed to the relevance of authority and discipline. Well, I am not lauding that mums should turn into stuffed-animals arsonists or ego-shamers of their children when they fall short in their performance, and I feel she has over generalised Chinese Mums, but there were many plain truths in what she said. And I think she got into the spate of cacophonous attacks because those truths were just downright hard, old-fangled, and drab. But I think this is one of the best things she said "as a parent, one of the worst things you can do for your child's self-esteem is to let them give up."

Yet, the point of balancing the East and West approaches in raising young souls can be elusive. I have been trying to find it (respecting the kids' individuality and protecting their self-esteem on one hand and punishing and pushing them so that they achieve on the other) and at the same time wondering if in reality it exists at all...What worked for her and her daughters may not necessarily be the best for others, and can even be plain diaster for some. So, I must say, though she wrote with exceptional aplomb, to be agreeable with her view that "Chinese Mothers are Superior" is far from easy.

Paradox and Inspiration 135: Tiger or Wimp?

"I wish she wasn't so soft and indulgent. I wish she recognised that in some ways the school cafeteria is more intellectually demanding than the library."

David Brooks
Tiger Mum? Amy Chua's a Wimp
The Straits Times, Review and Forum 19 Jan 2011