Inspiration & Paradox 59: Why People Call Names Like "Stubborn Old Man" or "Angry Old Woman"

When I was much younger I couldn't understand why the old people I met were often grumbling, whining, angry and insistent in their ways. My rationale was that if these people claimed that they had been through it all, seen much more nonsense in this world then the youngsters, and "the salt they had eaten is more than the rice eaten by the youngsters" (as how the Chinese would interestingly put it), shouldn't they logically also become more open in their perspective, calmer, and slower in reacting to what is felt not to be right, and be more gracious in all their ways, why would they take things so hard?

But as I become older, I begin to realise that hard times, difficulties, and set backs in life may make it person wiser and more mature in their ways, but they could also easily cause a person's heart to turn cold, closed, hard, and even bitter. Many old people tend to be resistant to change because they feel that they would tried enough ways to know what works and what don't, they tend to be more cynical and critical because they feel that they know enough to make what they believe to be good judgement. Their fuse tend to be shorter because they probably have already put up too much nonsense before leaving them with no much patience or tolerance.

Perhaps that's why so many people talk about how to age well with grace and dignity. Instead of accepting old age as doddering and obsolesence and be seen as sour dumpings, continue to give and contribute in life. The physical form may keep be degenerating away day by day, but keeping the heart and mind going forward by learning, laughing, loving, and living will make all the difference.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

Inspiration & Paradox 58: Who Am I?

Have you ever mulled over who you really are, and considered the significance of your existence? I do, and rather often actually, since I was just a kid, not only when I feel despondent, but also during times when I feel so on top of the world. Many times, especially when standing amidst a crowd, suddenly I would ask myself what difference would it make to this world if I had just disappear into the thin air right away, who am I in this world, what difference would it make if I were to stop to exist, without me in this world, everything would just continue to be what it is like, the people I see in the crowd, their lives, the things I see, everything would continue to move on with time. My emotions, my thoughts, my desires, my ambitions, my fears, disappointments, my dreams and aspirations, my existence, and my all seem to only matter to just my brain, and paradoxically, they seem to be determined by what my brain thinks, those feelings are all exclusively mine, and they all seem to only matter to just me and nobody else. So what if I am glad, so what if I am sad, so what…….no one would be able to make that kind of connection about myself, except me. That feeling of isolation, smallness, and insignificance drives me to ponder a lot of myself, question my existence and my purposes in life. Our existence appears to be so transient, here we are today, and tomorrow we might be gone.

Life seems so fragile and meaningless until I came to know who God is, and who am I to Him. I found an outlet to those strange feelings and an answer to those moments of loneliness and insecurity. I am not alone, my God knows who I am, He calls me by my name, He knows me even before I was formed in my mother’s womb, He says I am wonderfully and fearfully made, He knows the number of hair I have on my head, He knows every single thought in my mind, and every emotion I have, every happiness and every sadness, and every move and breath I take, my past, my present and my future, my destiny. He knows them all. My God thinks about me in a way no one in this world can possibly fathom. That miraculous connection to my Creator perhaps is what people called spirituality. It makes me feel that my existence is more than just something what my brain determines it to be and what my five senses figure it to be. It’s an indescribable connection and a sense of intimacy, belonging, and bearing that my spirit can never find in this physical world, not even in the person who loves me with all his might and soul, and not even in the most precious and treasured relationship or object I can find or own.