Inspiration & Paradox 56: Love Yourself to Not Hurt Your Spouse

A foreign pastor shared a very thought-provoking insight in church today. He talked about the resolution he made some 20 years ago that caused him to consciously make the effort to love and cherish his wife since then. It was then not too long into their marriage that he and his wife had some differences that led to a conflict. He raised his voice at his wife who reacted just by crying. Not only did he not soften his attitude but continued to be sarcastic and stepped out of the house in a fit of anger. As he did that, God spoke to him "You hate yourself. You are hurting your wife because you hate yourself. When you spoke harshly to her, you are punching yourself hard right at your own face. She is the flesh of your flesh, so when you hurt her, you are also hurting yourself". Those words drove him to repent of his wrong and seek forgiveness from his wife.

Perhaps you already realize that we are talking about a paradox here: Only by learning to love ourselves more can we love others more. By becoming more self-nurturing and assertive, we can become more giving. By knowing what it is to love ourselves can we then know how to offer love to others. By being able to recognize, listen to and honor our own emotions and needs in relation to our spouse, we can then express our wants, disappointments, hurts and frustrations to your spouse in constructive, non-demanding ways... And only such a person is truly strong, stable, mature, secure, confident, and attractive.