Inspiration & Paradox 81: Sleep Talking

It’s strange; when we sleep, our brains seem to be as active as when we are awake, and our thinking, as logical, even though our body acts as if it’s in a state of paralysis. Just like in the case of my husband - he sleep-talks, and whenever I catch him doing that, I play along by responding to what he says, and almost every time he would “converse” with me as if he can really hear me. What’s so funny is, because only he can understand the context of the topic he has created in his dream, what he says to me is often gibberish and doesn’t make sense at all! The most incredible thing is, sometimes when he is obviously still sleeping, he can even tell me that he is awake and that I should stop poking fun at him!

Inspiration & Paradox 80: Are We Doing What We Say?

Strangely, the more we talk about something and emphasise that it’s important to us, the more we struggle with it and aren’t doing it. Just look at the extent we read, talk and extol about the goodness of health foods, staying slim, the need to exercise and relax; the more this world desires and strives for wholesome living, the more problems we seem to face – rising levels of obesity, weight and health issues, and stress and anxiety in our lives. What has gone wrong?

Inspiration & Paradox 79: Who is cleverer? A great charismatic leader or his follower?

A story was told of two great historical leaders:

"William Gladstone and Benjamin Disraeli were two of the fiercest political rivals of the 19th century. Their epic battles for control of the British Empire were marked by intense animosity that spilled over from the public arena into their personal lives. Ambitious, powerful, and politically astute, both men were spirited competitors and masterful politicians.

Though each man achieved impressive accomplishments for Britain, the quality that separated them as leaders was their approach to people. The difference is best illustrated by the account of a young woman who dined with the men on consecutive nights. When asked about her impression of the rival statesmen, she said, "When I left the dining room after sitting next to Mr. Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England. But after sitting next to Mr. Disraeli, I thought I was the cleverest woman in England." "

Inspiration & Paradox 78: “Don’t just do something, sit there”

A book entitled “Don’t just do something, sit there” caught my attention last week while I was browsing through some self-help books. The author, Richard Eyre challenges the wisdom of the ages and old clichés, and argues for a place for new maxims to inspire thoughts and establish liberating, energising attitudes towards life.

“If a thing is worth doing, it’s worth doing well.” versus “If a thing is just barely worth doing, then just barely do it.”

“Never put off until tomorrow that which you can do today.” versus “Always put off a put-off-able in favour of a now-or-never.”

“Get serious.” versus “The reason angels can fly is that take themselves lightly.”

Such principles bring to memory the Martha and Mary story in the Bible.

“Now as they went on their way, he entered a certain village, where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. She had a sister named Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to what he was saying. But Martha was distracted by her many tasks; so she came to him and asked, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her then to help me." But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her" (Luke 10:38-42).

The conflict between a hard worker, a doer “Martha” and “Mary” a dreamer, who rather sits and listens ignoring the work there is to be done, points to something much more to life than organising, working and worrying. It teaches that the world will not come to an end if we would sit still for a few moments, to be re-charged and renew our passion for life and work, to listen and connect to someone dear and important.

Don't Just Do Something, Sit There!

Inspiration & Paradox 77: Skills of Obtaining Power Deteriorate Once Power is Attained

Have you come across “tyrannical” leaders whom you find hard to respect and wondered how they get to the place where they are? Perhaps we can find the answer in the paradox of power.

While we know that power can be attained by coercion, deception and manipulation, we also believe that power is wielded most effectively by leaders who are attuned to and can engage the needs and interests and that empathy and collaboration is extremely important in acquiring and exercising power. However, ironically, some studies show that once people assume positions of power, they become more selfish, impulsive, and aggressive, which are all not helpful in influencing and attaining power.

Inspiration & Paradox 76: Know Less, Love More...

As I grow to understand life less and less,

I learn to love it more and more.

- Jules Renard

Inspiration & Paradox 75: False Self-esteem

Food for thoughts...

I was very much perplexed when told that the all-too-familiar American culture of promoting one’s self-esteem from young is now reaping its negative effects in terms of the nation’s rising depression rate. The Asian culture is often criticised for being too unforgiving and stingy with praises and that we have to look to the Westerners and learn to be gracious with our children, always telling them how much you love them, making them feel important and great, and even when they fail or make a mistake, assure them it’s okay, and tell them that they are always the best no matter what happens. We are reprimanded for not knowing how to celebrate and reward successes, for being too harsh with wrongdoings, and bringing up children who are not as confident, open, self-assured, and vocal as the Westerners...

Now, where are the “holes” in the Self-esteem Movement? I was explained that the self-esteem built in a culture of constant praises and rewards (... even for the smallest and most insignificant achievement) and unconditional acceptance of even the stupidest blunder does not allow oneself to learn about realistic assessment of one’s own abilities, strengths and weakness, and does not help in building a character of resilience and tenacity that would cushion the hard effects of failures, hardship, disappointments in the different seasons of life. After being told all the time that everything is alright and “I am the best”, it is obviously hard to come to terms with some very real imperfections in their life, their abilities as compared with others. People become confused and disoriented, and do not know how to face the realities and chart their next steps when they underachieve or make serious blunders in life. And when images of themselves and the world swirled into messy disarray, depression sets in...

"True self-esteem requires an accurate appraisal of one's own abilities in comparison to those of others...a phony self-esteem is vulnerable to puncture by life's experience."
Richard O'Connor

Inspiration & Paradox 74: Where's the Crowd?

When discussing about places, where to go and where not to go, you probably have heard something like this before:

“NOBODY GOES THERE ANYMORE, IT’S TOO CROWDED.”

What are we talking about?

Inspiration & Paradox 73: "Made from Sugar" and Not "Made of Sugar"

Popular low-calorie, diet sweetener Splenda is made from sugar and tastes like sugar, but strangely, it is not made of sugar, that is, it's free of sugar! How is this possible. Read full account in "Can You Drink Safely with Splenda?"

Inspiration & Paradox 72: Poor, Obese People

There is a growing body of research showing that the people who have gained the most weight in the last decade tend to have the lowest incomes. The poor face higher obesity because unhealthy food is more affordable has become a modern-day paradox.

The working poor often have no time for cooking, little money to buy fresh fruits and vegetables, and a long walk to the closest supermarket with a good produce section. These people are obese, frankly, because they have no money, and some diets are cheaper than others. Without adequate resources, poor families must maximize the number of calories they can buy so that their members do not suffer from frequent hunger. They may consume lower-cost foods with relatively higher levels of calories per dollar to stave off hunger when they lack the money or other resources like food stamps to purchase a healthier balance of more nutritious foods. The greater the economic constraints, the harder it will be for these families to achieve the nutritional quality of foods they need.

Inspiration & Paradox 71: How We Spend Money

"Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like."

~ Will Rogers

Inspiration & Paradox 70: Milk does not build Bones -- The Calcium Paradox

I find the Calcium Paradox rather shocking to read, especially when all this while I have been told to top up my intake of calcium by drinking more milk.

Studies showed that postmenopausal women who were taking calcium supplements a day were associated with an increase, instead of a decrease in fractures. A huge research on traditional Chinese diet, disease, and lifestyle studied more than 10,000 people in 130 villages across China from the southern coast to the Gobi desert and found that populations that relied on plant-based sources such as vegetables and whole grains for their calcium had much less heart disease, cancer, diabetes, and obesity than North Americans.

Some nutritionists have thus warned against the consumption of milk for strong bones. The argument is that we all assume bones are made up from only calcium, but the truth is that our bones are built on a foundation of collagen, proteins, magnesium, calcium, boron and other minerals, which together form the bone matrix. Taking enough calcium is important for children who are growing bones, but calcium supplementation alone does not go well with adults in terms of density. Preventing osteoporosis does not depend on calcium alone, but rather on preserving the bone matrix. The bone matrix is a living tissue whose strength and structure depend on many factors including other minerals besides calcium, the absorption of these nutrients from the gut, physical activity, and lifestyle. Also, milk is acid-forming and it's calcium-magnesium-phosphorus levels are way out of balance for proper human absorption and utilization. Fruits and vegetables provide alkalinity and are highly beneficial for bone health.

Inspiration & Paradox 69: When Good is Hated

Read this snippet in Reader's Digest:

A fellow teacher assigned his Year Four student to write a topic sentence for the following phrases: "Sam always works quietly. Sam is polite to the teacher. Sam always does his homework."

The student's topic sentence? "I hate Sam."

Inspiration & Paradox 68: Eat less fat and get fatter

Many people have experienced this paradox in their weight loss diet - "eat less fat and yet get fatter". The real culprit is sugar and refined carbohydrates which lead to insulin resistance. Read about it in Jane's story: Mystery of a Failed Weight Loss Diet.

Inspiration & Parodox 67: Relationship becomes difficult when life becomes easy.

My brother-in-law was sharing about his parents who used to be very loving but now have a problem relating to each other. He said something very interesting: couples belonging to his parents’ generation were able to endure hardship together but don’t know how to enjoy life together, in Chinese, 可以共患难, 但不能同享福. He went on to explain why –in their younger days, when times were difficult, couples shared a common goal, they slogged hard to provide for the children and keep the family together; life was in a way very purposeful and meaningful. There was somewhat a sense of unity. However, when their children grew up and their finances improved significantly, they suddenly could not relate to each other anymore, and started to have frequent arguments and vent their frustration at each other. They appeared to have lost their sense of mission in life and began to drift apart from each other.

He also spoke about the importance of developing a network of friends and keep a social support group which will be there for us when we retire from our jobs. He related that people who are retiring from their high corporate posts often faced a crisis in their lives as all of a sudden they have nothing to do and became a “nobody” in this world. Many of these men are left with no one else except their wives to command and boss around. Hence, ironically, many relationships became very difficult and tense at a time when people are supposed to feel most carefree and relaxed.

Inspiration & Paradox 66: Chaotic traffic may not be as dangerous as you think and orderly roads may not be as safe as you perceive

I have got to agree with some people who said that the traffic in Hanoi has to be the craziest in the world. What you see is a horrendous torrential rush of cars, carts, pedestrians, bicycles, motor cycles, vans, buses, and sometimes even horse carriages, all coming from different directions and intersecting, and a perpetual honking of the honk which nobody seems to be paying attention or bothered with. Crossing the streets was a daunting and heart pounding experience for me and my family, as there never seemed to be a break in the streams of vehicles and you would never find a right moment to cross unless you take a leap of faith to step out and trust that those darting motorcycles would somehow react in time to navigate around you. Our tour guide however revealed one interesting fact – though the traffic seemed to be extremely chaotic and somewhat out of control, nobody was obeying any rules on the road, and the traffic lights and lane markings were completely ignored, the accident rate surprisingly was much lower compared to that of the big modern cities with big roads where vehicles sped at a much faster rate. I am not sure how exactly that is possible but it probably has to do with the level of vigilance which naturally soars when surrounding danger is perceived, or perhaps the monotony of freeway travel on the straight express lanes in the cities has made travelling on the road even more challenging.

Inspiration & Paradox 65: Small is Big

In the minds of the Vietnamese, NOTHING IS
IMPOSSIBLE!

I snapped these pictures during my recent holidays with my family in Hanoi...

Look, who says you need a van or a truck to transport these things... 3 fat live pigs, 3 men in a row, a big basket of live chickens, and even a huge door (see the green oblong shape?)!!!

Inspiration & Paradox 64: When what you do now seems so insignificant...

Want to share this story that a friend sent to me over the email a few days ago. It came as an encouragement to me when I, with my own eyes and my own mind could perceive no purpose, and no fulfilment in what I am doing today...

"Don't give up.....
One day I decided to quit...I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality... I wanted to quit my life. I went to the woods to have one last talk with God. "God", I asked, "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?" His answer surprised me... "Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?" "Yes", I replied. "When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I to ok very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said. "In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would not quit." He said."Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Comparedto the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle." He asked me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots". "I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you." "Don't compare yourself to others." He said. "The bamboo had a different Purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful." "Your time will come", God said to me. "You will rise high" "How high should I rise?" I asked. "How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return."As high as it can?" I questioned. "Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can." I left the forest and brought back this story. I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you. Never, Never, Never Give up."

Inspiration & Paradox 63: Yesterday's Beliefs, Today's Ironies

Think twice before you make a judgment on impossibilities, especially if you are famous enough to be remembered by the many generations to come.

Lord Kelvin, President of the Royal Society, London - 1895"Heavier than air flying machines are impossible"

RCA Executives - 1920"This wireless music box [the radio] has no imaginable commercial value. Who would payto hear a message sent to nobody in particular?"

Thomas Watson, Chairman of the Board, IBM - 1943"I think that there may be a world market for maybe five computers"

Ken Olson, Chair, Digital Equipment - 1977"There's no possible reason anyone would ever want to have a computer in their home"

Bill Gates - 1981"640K ought to be enough for everybody"

Margaret Thatcher - 1974 "It will be years - not in my time - before a woman will become Prime Minister."

Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, US Office of Patents - 1899."Everything that can be invented has been invented."

A Boeing engineer, after the first flight of the 247, a twin engine plane that carried ten people. "There will never be a bigger plane built."

Business Week, August 2 - 1968 "With over 50 foreign cars already on sale here, the Japanese auto industry isn't likely to carve out a big slice of the US market."

Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859. "Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy."

Inspiration & Paradox 62: Truth or Tolerance?

A speaker made this remark during a parenting seminar that my husband and I attended – "I cannot stand it when people teach their children to be tolerant of other races’ differences – religion, belief, values. We must learn to respect the differences and not tolerate them. "

In dealing with what is the true religion and responding to what are the "truths" in our lives, we know that between two religions, it is possible that both are not true but it’s impossible that both are true. So how does one respect or tolerate another person’s religion and yet stand firmly on his/her own different religion? And when judging another’s beliefs, is it morally wrong to tell someone that it’s morally wrong? How do you respect another person’s values when they are totally different from yours? What is the difference in action and attitude when a person respect instead of tolerate? Can one really respect another person for the difference in responding to truths? Does respect entail acknowledging that everyone has the right to believe in everything, and one should not try to alter the beliefs of others? Aren't truths absolute? Or to some people they are only relative - that there are such a thing as half truth, less or greater truth? Or what does it really mean? And does tolerance simply mean that one should put up with the things you are not very happy to experience with the other person and pretend that it’s alright?