Of oddities and ironies...Inspiration-Paradox

Paradox and Inspiration 159: A Glimpse of My Child's World

2012-01-24T18:15:00.000-08:00

My daughter Jerrie, 10, gave me a fright of my life. Never had I expected a reaction such as that from her. Her sense of emphathy and interpretation of adults behaviour were not in sync with my expectations.

During our holiday in Taiwan last December, the whole tour group happened to be enthusiastically bargaining with a young tea salesman over the price of his premium, expensive green tea leaves (about S$100 for a small pack of 150g tea). I must say our tour mates were quite skilled in bringing the discount from 20% to 50% successfully in an extremely hilarious way (at least this is how I saw it, haggling over the price as if we had known the sales man for ages). But Jerrie unexpectedly broke out in tears and after some probing, I found out that she felt that the tour group people (including me) were really very mean and nasty to the salesman. She felt very sorry for the salesman and said so many people should not have cornered and attacked just one man and if he had given so much discount, how was he going to profit in his sales.

An incident that set me thinking much about my child and her perspectives.

Paradox and Inspiration 158: The Enigma of Tolerance

2012-01-24T17:39:00.000-08:00

Tolerance is fervently preached in a multiracial, multireligious country like Singapore so that everyone can embrace this thing called diversity. But can anyone understand how this can actually be achieved in the process?

But how possible is it for someone to appreciate a belief or practice that you have to tolerate because there are conflicts in the different value and belief systems. If appreciation of others' cultures is not a relevant outcome here, what is? Long suffereing, grudges, or pretence? And, in striving towards being a tolerant individual in the society, should one try to be tolerant or intolerant of intolerance?

Paradox and Inspiration 157: The Power of Camera

2012-01-24T17:28:00.000-08:00

If you have young kids or hang around with them often enough, you must have noticed this already - that kids are almost too ready and happy to pose and smile when you asked for them for photo shots. The camera seems to be able to trigger some very instantaneous reaction in them, but yet interestingly they don't seem to be very concerned about the result of those shots. Most of them would never asked to look at the pictures you have snapped for them and even if you do show them the pictures, they don't seem to be that interested either.

On pondering further, does this phenomenon apply also to adults?

Paradox and Inspiration 156: Forgiving and Forgetting, Which Comes First?

2011-11-24T06:07:00.000-08:00

Critics of "Forgive and Forget" believe that forgiving doesn't mean forgetting - one can forgive without forgetting. As much as it sounds logical, I find that when I have forgiven, it is actually when I find it hard to remember how I have been wronged. Could "forget and forgive" hold more truth then? How much can you really forgive if you can't forget anything?

Paradox and Inspiration 155: US Health Stats

2011-10-12T22:42:00.000-07:00

A disturbing fact, the United States

...spends the MOST money on health care (as a % of GDP)...

...yet, is ranked 73rd in the world for overall health system performance.

Source: World Health Organization

Paradox and Inspiration 154: When Adults are Also Children

2011-09-19T09:46:00.000-07:00

Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.
~Jim Fiebig

Paradox and Inspiration 153: When Being Right is Wrong

2011-09-19T09:37:00.000-07:00

Sorry, that was mean. I could have just nodded my head to acknowledge that I had heard her.

Somehow, I just marched into the shop and brushed past the sales lady, without even looking at her face or bothering to respond to her "What are you looking for" in Mandarin. I'm not sure why I did it, perhaps all I could think of at that point in time was to rush to grab a bag of dried wolfberries and go, or maybe then I had ignored her because I was turned off by the repeated encounters of sales people asking that same old standard question when in your mind there's absolutely nothing that I am looking for, or could it be that I was still processing her question for an answer and by the time I could decide if I was actually looking for something, I had already whizzed past her? I'm only human, entitled to occasional glitches.

Full of excuses.

Paradox and Inspiration 152: Religion to Unite or Divide?

2011-08-31T02:31:00.000-07:00

Man institutes religion to unite divided hearts, but sanctions it to tear families apart.

Paradox and Inspiration 151: Which is More Offensive?

2011-08-31T00:41:00.000-07:00

A banner at the Boon Lay MTRT tells you that littering, spitting and urinating are punishable by law. This is nothing bizzare for the locals, but hold on, look at the fines. Why are they different?

I got you, didn't I?

Paradox and Inspiration 150: Hard Truths Hit Home

2011-07-15T09:03:00.000-07:00

Before facing The Hard Truths, I did not have the same measure of appreciation for the leader’s vision, and less did I know the man's commitment to this country.

Lee Kuan Yew epitomises the figure of austerity and paternalistic authority. His unvarnished opinions could easily come across to others as callousness at its worst. And his brutal candour in responding to the journalists questions was startling, to say the least. Even if he hadn't quipped that he was not at all interested in impressing people, I think even his biggest opposition would not dispute that.

It's probably hard to ascribe the attributes of a benevolent and gracious leader unto him. However, he shall not be forgotten for being the architect behind Singapore's remarkable transformation from third-world country to first and his dogmatic push of ideas including a clean and green island, a corruption-free government, and a society based on meritocracy. And perhaps what stands out the most for me is his unequivocal passion for Singapore that exudes through and through. In his words - “Singapore is my concern till the end of my life.”

His firm belief in Singapore’s vulnerability had led him to making decisions that earned him high praises on international level as well as invited the most bitter criticisms at the same time. Some of his views were not easy to accept – the power of hierarchy that influences the prejudices of each race, the misgiving that the Malays in Singapore would not compromise on their religious practice and beliefs for the sake of social integration, the implication that currently all oppositions are "duds" deemed as not capable enough to rule Singapore, the belief that females should produce more children and contribute substantially to the work force at the same time (and let foreign maids hired at low cost to take over the care-giver role?), and the argument that Singapore is not yet a nation when a not-so narrow definition of “a nation” could have been anchored on instead.

While reading the book, you feel like you're bending over under the overbearing weight of his extreme empahsis of economy prowess. But I must say at some point, it did set me thinking, how often in life are we given a middle path to perform the balancing act? Sometimes it's just not a matter of striking a balance but about making a hard choice of sacrifices, is it?

Paradox and Inspiration 149: What Is....

2011-07-14T17:50:00.000-07:00

A riddle from my impressive girl,

What is more powerful than God,
The poor has it,
The rich doesn't have it,
And you will die if you eat it?

Answer?
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
NOTHING

Paradox and Inspiration 148: Grace versus Law

2011-07-10T03:22:00.000-07:00

Truths that I never knew before:
1) Righteousness is not earned. It is an unmerited gift. Romans 5:17
2) Faith is superior to the law. Galatians 3:23-25
3) Either all of grace or all of law, no part grace and part law. Colossians 2:13-15
4) Obedience is the fruit of blessings, and not the root of blessings. Romans 1:1-5
5) Obedience to faith and not the law. 2 Corinthians 10:5

Paradox and Inspiration 147: Dignity Doesn't Come with Age

2011-06-24T01:07:00.000-07:00

While looking for an unoccupied table at the IMM food court, I caught my nine-year-old reasoning with an old granny in Mandarin. On enquiring, my girl complained that she was the first to get to the table but the old lady argued that she was more deserving because she had gone round the food court three times hunting for a table. I pulled my reluctant, red-faced daughter away and explained to her that it was not worth fighting over it. As we retreated, the old lady also hastened off to alert the rest of her family members of her find. This time, another young boy bolted over to take the same table, but was again shooed away by the returning old lady. Looking disgusted, the boy stormed off, muttering "I really feel like giving her the finger!"

Paradox and Inspiration 146: Choice to Smile

2011-06-21T00:42:00.000-07:00

A perspective that I'm been trying to point to my girl who tends to feel blue after having a ball of a good time with her cousins...

“Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.”
~Dr. Seuss

Paradox and Inspiration 145: "Disneyland with a Death Penalty"

2011-06-13T23:28:00.000-07:00

Singapore, "an antiseptic island peopled by a passive citizenry and governed by paranoia"?
Hard Truths, Lee Kuan Yew

Is this why so many western foreigners have labelled us as a people as dull and uninspired as dirt?

Paradox and Inspiration 144: ERP IU Cashcard Cover - to use or not to use?

2011-06-13T21:38:00.000-07:00

Jason got a piece of ERP IU Cashcard Cover free from a purchase of a new Thinkpad. Useless, he griped. Obviously he wasn't thrilled in the slightest by the gift. The cover, an invention by a Singaporean, was meant to hide the cash card from window-smashing thieves and help one avoid the consequence of forgetting to insert the cashcard before driving through an ERP gantry. O come on, if there's no cash card, why put the cover, he groused again.

Paradox and Inspiration 143: Riches Without Money

2011-06-05T09:10:00.000-07:00

"Some people are rich before they have money."
~www.financialjesus.com

Paradox and Inspiration 142: Woes of a Working Mum and the Logical Fallacy of Rewarding Moms for Working & Producing More Children

2011-06-04T09:16:00.000-07:00

Today an old friend of mine recounted how her husband had fallen out with his own mom ever since she refused to relieve part of their burden by taking care of her daughter and how on one occassion she had to cajole her daughter's childcare teacher who was on her off-day into taking care of her sick daughter for the day. Realising I wasn't alone in the same plight of having no maid or any other help with my children, I began to wonder if there were a lot of people like me who have fallen through the cracks of the social system. I recalled during the General Election, one of the Opposition Parties found out that many old folks in Singapore were worried about falling sick. For my friend and I, it was about praying hard that the children would not come down with a bout of fever or flu that would result in denial of entry to the centre and no childcare for that day.

It's been already two years since I surrendered my corporate climb to join the part-time work force. In all honesty, I had never entertained the idea of quitting work for the family until Jerrie entered Primary One. As much as I would love to return to work full-time (Oh, how I miss the adrenaline rush from work achievements much more than the luxury of living on a dual income!), I just cannot imagine where the panacea to all my childcare woes could be sourced from. When holding on to a full-time job, I could never understand what people meant by striking a work-life balance. Resigning to a work-life imbalance sounded more realistic. Whenever the kids fell ill (and Jerrie was quite a sickly child then), we had to literally plead for help to take care of the kid for a day or two while we rushed off to attend meetings. On discovering how crappy and irresponsible the before-and-after school care was, I tried not to mull over it to repress the stabbing guilt. Many people couldn’t comprehend why we were so resolved on not hiring a maid to help out with the kids just like everybody else. Too non-conformist or too idealistic thinking? I'm altogether not too sure either. Simply put, I could hardly imagine relinquishing the role of caring for my young kids to a foreign maid.

It was then far from easy to save my sanity when I had to aim for excellent work performance and also think about meeting the needs of my kids at the same time; when I had to make sure either my husband or myself could make it to the childcare centre in time to collect the kids from Monday to Friday; when I would rebuke myself for ending up paying the late fines on days when I was not able to come up with a reasonable excuse to end the meeting earlier and reach the centre before 7pm; when I had to stop questioning why my heart could become so callous as to let my kids eat take-away food from the hawker centre seven days a week; when I just didn't know where to turn my seemingly unrepentent face away from the penetrating eyes of the childcare teacher who informed that I had time and again failed to read my child's communication book and missed signing her up for some particular centre activity; when I had to drop everything at work and rush home after receiving calls from my daughter who was weeping in trepidation on the other end of the line and sounded as if she was on the verge of freaking out after finding out she had forgotten to bring a book or stationery expected by her ferocious teacher; and when I felt there was no choice but to shut myself off from finding out how the child was coping in school because all energy seemed to have departed after work and I felt too depleted to care. Every morning, before enough strength could be braced to figure how to make a break from the rut of everyday challenges, I found myself wedged behind the running wheel of a bewildering roller coaster ride. And as each day slipped by, each one like the last, it dawned on me that I was forging forward but barely getting by.

Another friend had taken the plunge to be a stay-at-home mum some ten years ago. She recently shared with me how in the first few years she would stress to her children that she had given up her career to coach them and they better not let their grades slip, and how her husband had labelled her as "an unwilling housewife". Why do stay-at-home mums often feel that they had made a great sacrifice? Let's face it, it's an under-appreciated role in the society. Working mums are affirmed and incentivised by the government while stay-at-home mums are brushed aside and even slapped with steeper childcare fees. What message is being passed on here? Working moms are contributing more to the society? Then what about moms who had to send a child to full-time childcare to have more time for another schooling child or other family commitments? In a nation so hardwired for fostering economic growth and competitiveness, we stay-at-home-mums have paled into insignificance. Even with a part-time job now, having to make arrangements with my husband to make sure there’s always someone at home with the young kids remains a constant effort. A mere triviality it may seem, but with no maid or any other help in the picture, I do question if others could imagine how entangled people like us actually felt about appearing in gatherings or places without the kids. On one hand working moms are much valued, and on the other, they are beseeched to produce more children to boost the Total Fertility Rate, save the shrinking population, and ease immigration tensions, but oh man, where is all the help and support coming from?!

Paradox and Inspiration 140: Idiocy is Wondrous

2011-05-15T07:16:00.000-07:00

"Idiocy in the modern age isn't an all-encompassing, twenty-four-hour situation for most people. It's a condition that everybody slips into many times a day. Life is just too complicated to be smart all the time...It is a wondrous human characteristic to be able to slip into and out of idiocy many times a day without noticing the change or accidentally killing innocent bystanders in the process." ~ Dilbert

Paradox and Inspiration 141: What He Says Versus What Others Say About Him

2011-05-05T21:20:00.000-07:00

"You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him."

— Audrey Hepburn

Paradox and Inspiration 139: A Questionless Answer

2011-05-03T18:03:00.001-07:00

It's amazing how sometimes people are so eager to give you an answer to a question that you may not even have...

Paradox and Inspiration 138: Making Ourselves Feel Painful

2011-05-03T18:01:00.000-07:00

It’s easier to endure great pain than to feel the short or face the fear, so between pain and fear, pain wins hands down most of the time. And hence, the punishment we mete out to ourselves can be far more damaging and undeserving than anybody else may have given us.

Paradox and Inspiration 137: Killing time...

2011-03-08T21:13:00.000-08:00

Has it occured to you that when discussing hobbies and interests, phrases such as "to kill time" and "to past time" have evaporated from our speech, leaving us with only "to find time" and "to manage time"...

Paradox and Inspiration 136: Elusive Point of Balance

2011-01-20T00:39:00.000-08:00

Many parents are quick to crucify Amy Chua. I believe her method of bringing up her daughters is not entirely garbage. At least for me, she has pointed to the relevance of authority and discipline. Well, I am not lauding that mums should turn into stuffed-animals arsonists or ego-shamers of their children when they fall short in their performance, and I feel she has over generalised Chinese Mums, but there were many plain truths in what she said. And I think she got into the spate of cacophonous attacks because those truths were just downright hard, old-fangled, and drab. But I think this is one of the best things she said "as a parent, one of the worst things you can do for your child's self-esteem is to let them give up."

Yet, the point of balancing the East and West approaches in raising young souls can be elusive. I have been trying to find it (respecting the kids' individuality and protecting their self-esteem on one hand and punishing and pushing them so that they achieve on the other) and at the same time wondering if in reality it exists at all...What worked for her and her daughters may not necessarily be the best for others, and can even be plain diaster for some. So, I must say, though she wrote with exceptional aplomb, to be agreeable with her view that "Chinese Mothers are Superior" is far from easy.

Paradox and Inspiration 135: Tiger or Wimp?

2011-01-20T00:34:00.000-08:00

"I wish she wasn't so soft and indulgent. I wish she recognised that in some ways the school cafeteria is more intellectually demanding than the library."

David Brooks
Tiger Mum? Amy Chua's a Wimp
The Straits Times, Review and Forum 19 Jan 2011

Paradox and Inspiration 134: Are Your Children Demanding Teachers Earn Respect?

2010-09-14T23:30:00.000-07:00

Many parents, including my other half have spoken about how our new generation of youngsters have to be nurtured differently, how they should be generously showered with praises so as they would not grow up with a defeatist attitude and warped self-esteem, and how we should treat them as equals when relating to them, talk to them as if they are adults and we are all friends, and that we should be aware that they are a different generation that demand their teachers and seniors to earn their respect and adoration by first proving their credibility and worth.

Yes, I agree that sometimes we as Asian parents do not listen enough to our children, allowing them to express their views, showing appreciation of their opinions despite of our own negative experience we have with our own parents when we were young. But I am afraid that in our endeavour to perform better than the previous generation, we might have unconsciously thrown ourselves to the other extreme when raising our children. As much as we desire our children to grow up as highly self-assured, confident individuals, ask of ourselves if we have also at the same time allowed them to become too self-opinionated, ego-centric, and even too critical and arrogant in the way they perceive others. Are we indirectly encouraging them to be too quick in judging others from the start and demanding their authorities and teachers to first prove their worth before receiving any positive treatment? Are we really teaching our children the right thing? Why should we condone such behaviours and inclinations, just because they belong to a newer, more rebellious generation?

I want my children to be confident and articulate, but I also want to accentuate in them a positive, teachable spirit. As parents, we were called to be the parents of our children and not their friends. They must learn about the institution of authorities in their life and in this society, an awareness of others, and due polite respect for the authorities, the elderly, their seniors, teachers, bosses and parents, who all should be given the benefit of the doubt for the positions they are in. Yes, children should not be expected to blindly and willingly accept any kind of ill treatment and wrong teachings, but what I mean is start with the positive attitude, relate to teachers from the onset with a respectful attitude, recognising they have been given the responsibility to rule over them, rather than adopting a challenging, critical, nonchalant or even hostile disposition right from the beginning. How about unreasonable and incapable educators? Yes, they do exist unfortunately, but they will just have to worry for themselves as their standing and honour amongst their students, peers, and bosses will surely dissipate over time. When we over-indulge our children and bail them out too early from difficult situations, they cannot experience the hard truths about life for themselves and would never learn that the world just doesn't revolve around them.

Paradox and Inspiration 133: Wander

2010-08-09T22:18:00.000-07:00

“Not all those who wander are lost.” – J. R. R. Tolkien

Paradox and Inspiration 132: Questions We Never Were Curious Enough to Ask

2010-07-28T06:02:00.000-07:00

A story was told of a housewife who was preparing dinner when her inquistive daughter popped her a question. "Mum, why do you always have to cut the ham into half before putting it into the oven to grill?" The housewife paused for a moment and replied, "Hmmm....well darling, I'm not sure why but I learned to do this from your grandma since I was a little girl like you."

That very weekend, as part of her routine visit, the housewife dropped by at her mum's place and remembered to ask her daughter's question. And she was stumped as her mum as-a-matter-of-factly said, "Oh, I had to cut it into halves because I never had a plate big enough for the whole ham."

Paradox and Inspiration 131: Last Minute Interventions

2010-06-29T01:27:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago, I had a large fibroid in my uterus removed by laparoscopy. Much to my relief, I am now up and about.

In the past 9 years, open surgery was the only option given to me by my gynaecologist due to the fibroid size – scanned as 8cm in diameter. Yet, a second opinion from another gynaecologist gave me only 50% chance of doing a laparoscopy provided I took a special medicine for some time to shrink the fibroids beforehand. As much as I resented the idea of a 5 to 6 weeks recovery from an open surgery and putting up with the pain, the uncertainty of a successful keyhole surgery led me to my eventual choice – open surgery.

Just two weeks before the scheduled open surgery, my sister unexpectedly passed me the contact of an expert in minimally invasion surgery. However, after having my appointment date messed up by the counter staff and making a wasted trip, and reading to greater length that only small fibroids can be removed by laparoscopy on the internet, I talked myself out of the idea of seeking further advice. Having reached the end of my tether and feeling completely resigned to an open surgery, I decided to forget about the new appointment date.

Guided by some bizarre coincidence, I ended up at the dentist in the morning of the appointed day and then having the dentist somehow led to share with me that her friend’s fibroid which was as big as 10cm was removed by keyhole surgery. That was nothing close to what I had been drummed into believing all the time! Never did I know that large fibroids could be removed that way! Bowled over by the hope of avoiding the big surgery came, I showed up for the appointment that afternoon, without any prior planning. Unbelievably as it turned out, the doctor confidently said the surgery could be done for the 8cm fibroid and I immediately scheduled for it to happen the following week.

Many amazing things occurred, but nothing topped being told by the doctor after the surgery that the fibroid turned out to be joined with another big fibroid and its size was more than double - 19cm by 18cm!

Thank God for all the last minute interventions!

Paradox & Inspiration 130: What is Happiness?

2010-01-14T01:57:00.000-08:00

A survey conducted by the National University of Singapore Business School in 2006 polled more than 1,000 people, aged 20 to 69 concluded the following:

"...people who have a university or postgraduate qualification and earn $5,000 or more a month are the happiest...But they are also dissatisfied with their achievements and enjoy life the least, compared with those who are less well-off...it is the Singaporeans earning less than $2,000 a month who enjoy life the most"

The Straits Times, 10 Jan 2010

So, this study seems to suggest happiness is not about enjoying life?

Paradox & Inspiration 129: Laze and Be Merry

2010-01-12T22:20:00.000-08:00

In her Straits Times article "Have a lazy new year", a lady columnist criticised that purposeful and noble new year resolutions were stifling and questioned if there was more to life than bettering ourselves. Resolved not to undertake any industrious endeavours for the new year, she claimed, "All I want to do with time is to waste it." She advised us to think twice before signing up for another self-improvement class, and instead of getting up for morning exercise, have a luxurious sleep-in until noon...and announced she would be spending lots of time in the virtual world by joining her husband who was having loads of fun acquiring girlfriends in computer games.

When has staying productive and busy become so uncool? And, do people actually need to make resolutions just to become lazy?

Paradox & Inspiration 128: Life Isn't...

2010-01-11T22:51:00.000-08:00

Life is not about how far you run,
how high you climb,
but it is about...
how fast you bounce.

Paradox and Inspiration 127: Time Waits for No Man

2010-01-11T00:32:00.000-08:00

Behold, without the world stopping for even a split second to send off 2009, the rushing tides of 2010 have already crept in for more than a week! It all seems too uneventful, the normalcy of the fact that "2009 is gone forever!" scares me; surely this has to be more dramatised than this… we can never have 2009 back!

Be awaken to the jolting fact time never stops, steer the rudder and work on my to-do-list that is growing by the day. Make 2010 count please.

Paradox and Inspiration 126: Never get into the good books of the judges if you want to be Singapore Idol

2010-01-03T20:28:00.001-08:00

In the Life Section of 2 Jan 2010 Straits Times, Jeremy Au shared his interesting analysis of why Sylvia Ratonel, who was deemed as the hot favourite, lost the Singapore Idol title to Sezair Sezal. One of the determining factor according to him had to do with how much the judges like the contestant. When the judges so frequently made it so obvious that Sylvia Rationel should emerge as the winner, it was like giving her "the kiss of death". Why? Singapore voters hated the judges and would do anything to crush the judges' hope, according to Jeremy Au.

Paradox & Inspiration 125: Kids, Don't Wash Your Hands Before Meal Times

2009-12-22T23:46:00.000-08:00

How often do we holler our kids for not washing up themselves before they grab and stuff food into their mouths? And how much money have we so lavishly splurged on antibacterial hand soaps? And how much effort have we made to survey the most effective brand of antibacterial bath gel just to make sure the kids stay clean and protected at all times? We think that our kids should keep themselves germs-free so that they don't fall sick easily, don't we?

A new Northwestern University research suggests otherwise. Its findings reveal that normal exposure to everyday germs early in life can prevent diseases in adulthood. Below are some quotes from Thomas McDade, lead author of the study, associate professor of anthropology in Northwestern's Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences and a faculty fellow at the Institute for Policy Research.

"...inflammatory networks may need the same type of microbial exposures early in life that have been part of the human environment for all of our evolutionary history to function optimally in adulthood...we have this idea that we need to protect infants and children from microbes and pathogens at all possible costs...But we may be depriving developing immune networks of important environmental input needed to guide their function throughout childhood and into adulthood. Without this input, our research suggests, inflammation may be more likely to be poorly regulated and result in inflammatory responses that are overblown or more difficult to turn off once things get started."

The study, which began in the 1980s, was conducted with data from a longitudinal study of 3,327 Filipino mothers in their third trimester of pregnancy. The mothers were interviewed about care giving and their households were assessed for socioeconomic levels and hygiene. Researchers continued to make visits and followed up until the research subjects were approximately 22 years of age. Blood tests revealed Filipino participants in their early 20s had CRP concentrations on average of .2 milligrams per liter -- that's about five to seven times lower than the average CRP levels C-reactive protein (CRP), a protein that rises in the blood due to inflammation, in adulthood, for Americans of the same age.

You, the discerning reader make the judgement call and decide.

Paradox & Inspiration 124: Story Finds an Ending

2009-09-05T06:38:00.000-07:00

At 3am in the wee hours of 4 September, 2003, our car crashed into a right turning silver vehicle which failed to stop for us at the junction of Bukit Timah Road and Central Expressway. The almost head-on collision left me with a back lash, serious bruises on the chest, a dentine fracture, and two chipped teeth. The next three day found me lying in Tan Tock Seng Hospital, which issued a month of medical leave for me to recover at home. My two-year old daughter whom we were then rushing to the Kandang Kerbau Hospital because of a persistent high fever in the middle of the night ironically recovered instantly after the accident. She was yanked like a puppet to the front seat from the back seat where I was sponging her after I lost grip of her and just before I smashed unto the seat in front of me. For reasons known only to God, she miraculously survived the crash without even the slightest scratch on her body. The Chinese proverb, “Not even strand of hair on the body was disturbed” best described her escape. Much to my relief, my husband, the driver, sustained only cuts and bruises on the body with the protection of the activated airbag. And thankfully, despite the hard slam, none of my bones was ruptured. To this day, recounting how car was wrecked beyond recognition in the crash still sends cold quivers down my spine.

The silver car driver’s very first statement to the police was that he failed to stop for us, however, a few days later he amended his statement and claimed that the traffic was green in his favor. My husband set out on a furious search for witnesses, and traffic cameras, checked with the relevant authorities, but all was in vain. In the meanwhile, I was struggling to recover from the excruciating pain on the lower back which the doctor informed that I probably had to live with it for the rest of my life.

Months later, in 2004, the police wrapped up the case by announcing it as “Inconclusive” due to the contradictory statements from both parties and the lack of evidence on what had actually happened in the accident. Hence, both parties had to bear equal responsibility for the damages. As we were not ready to incur any lawyer fees and continue with the energy-draining ordeal, we committed the situation to God, gave thanks for the closure and were determined to forgive that man and move on.

A year later, the unthinkable happened. We received a letter from our car insurance lawyer, informing that the silver car driver had implicated us as a co-defendant for the suit he was involved in. His passenger had sued him for her injury and he wanted us to bear part of the responsibility. There’s nothing more fitting than the Chinese proverb “thunder strikes in bright sunny sky” to describe this jarring, freakish news. So many questions flooded our minds as we tried to figure the situation, “What could be more outrageous than for this man to sue us for something he did wrong!” “What does he have up in his sleeves?” “Isn’t he going too far to push his luck!”

Flabbergasted and vexed, we had no choice but to pursue the matter. Our car insurance lawyer could not take up private cases, so he referred us to another lawyer who so coincidentally happened to know our case inside out. You wouldn’t believe this; it’s so surreal -- this lawyer turned out to be the lawyer representing the silver car’s passenger who was suing her own driver!

We engaged the lawyer and before long the whole investigation started all over again. Immediately, I was sent for a series of detailed scans and examination of my back condition by different doctors. Everything was so dreadful and wearisome. I resented the process, wishing that the car accident had never happened at all.

Ultimately, six years later, just after the lawyer had finished preparing me for the Assessment Hearing in Court, the matter took a drastic turn out of the blue. A letter dated 1 September 2009, merely three days away from the very same day the accident happened in 2003, made its way from the lawyer’s office to our mailbox, offering a compensation to settle the case out of the court amicably.

Monetary wise, the payoff was small, but the finish of the episode was good enough to shake off any sense of injustice that had smitten us for those years.

I thank you, God, with all my heart.

Paradox & Inspiration 123: Money Can't Buy

2009-06-28T23:14:00.002-07:00

Money can buy a house
but not a home.
Money can buy a bed
but not sleep.
Money can buy a clock
but not time.
Money can buy a book
but not knowledge.
Money can buy food
but not an appetite.
Money can buy position
but not respect.
Money can buy blood
but not life.
Money can buy medicine
but not health.
Money can buy sex
but not love.
Money can buy insurance
but not safety.

Paradox & Inspiration 122: Plague Doesn't Kill

2009-06-28T00:46:00.000-07:00

An oriental legend tells of the desert traveler, who, one night met Fear and Plague, going to Baghdad where they expected to kill 10,000 persons.

The traveler asked Plague if he would do all the killing and Plague answer, "Oh, no, I shall kill only a few hundred and my friend Fear will kill the others."

-R & R Magazine

Paradox & Inspiration 121: The Lemonade Cleansing Recipe

2009-06-26T19:21:00.000-07:00

Designed over a half century ago by Stanley Burroughs, the Master Cleanse, also known as the Lemonade Detox uses natural ingredients to clean the internal digestive walls of debris build-up and mucous.

What I find paradoxical is its ingredients – lemon juice, cayenne pepper, refrigerated mixture. As the Master Cleanse is not a diet because no solid food is eaten, I would take it as a fasting recipe. And during fasting, it is rather incredulous to take cold, citrus, and spicy drinks even if it’s for one or two days. I'd deem it as too stimulating and damaging for the digestive system!

Yet, those who have been on this 10-day detox process say it is safe, and swear by its cleansing and weight loss results. And what is most fascinating is most detox programmes come and go, but this Master Cleanse method has lasted for more than 50 years and has even become more popular now.

Paradox & Inspiration 120: Oxymorons

2009-06-14T02:05:00.000-07:00

My favourite oxymorons:

1) religious tolerance
2) civil war
3) seriously funny
4) terribly good
5) good grief
6) negative growth
7) final draft
8) pretty ulgly

And, my favourite one-word oxymorons:

1) extraordinary
2) spendthrift
3) supernatural
4) someone

Paradox & Inspiration 119: Harmful Cigarettes

2009-06-12T09:15:00.000-07:00

Big irony.

While FDA is furiously slapping bans on herb companies which sell products with insufficient safety tests, it is endorsing the marketing and selling of a deadly carcinogenic -- cigarettes.

If cigarette is neither a food nor a dietary health supplement, it is then clearly a drug. But if it’s approved as a drug, where are the required safety tests? In fact, you immediately know there isn’t when you see those graphic health warning labels on every pack of cigarette.

Paradox & Inspiration 118: Mother Teresa's Anyway Poem

2009-06-11T07:20:00.000-07:00

Mother Teresa's Anyway Poem

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

Paradox and Inspiration 117: Poor versus Rich

2009-06-11T00:07:00.000-07:00

"Poor and most middle-class people believe “If I have a lot of money, I could do what I want and I’d be a success.” Rich people understand, “If I become a successful person, I will be able to do what I need to do to have what I want, including a lot of money.”

~ T. Harv Eker Quotes from Secrets of the Millionaire Mind

Paradox and Inspiration 116: Nothing else Matters at 16?

2009-06-08T20:27:00.000-07:00

News reported that in the UK and US, it has become common for mothers to give their teenage daughters breast implants as a birthday or graduation present.

Despite being warned by plastic surgeon and child psychologists that such moves were unwise as even at age of 16 or 17, the breasts had not matured enough and that there would be a lot of psychological repercussions, and cosmetic surgery was a dangerous way to resolve teenage anxieties, many mothers and daughters still believed that girls got to have breasts to be successful, as every other person seen on television had implants, and the best way to prevent any “hang-ups" about looks and boost one’s self confidence and esteem was to get a boob job.

Paradox and Inspiration 115: Lessons from Morrie

2009-06-02T21:43:00.000-07:00

Tuesdays with Morrie, An old man, a young man, and life’s greatest lesson
by Mitch Albom

"Chase the right things in life, devote yourself to loving others, to the community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."

"Find out what’s good and true and beautiful in your life right now. Looking back makes you competitive. And age is not a competitive issue."

"Owning things is good. More money is good. More property is good. More commercialism is good. More is good. More is good. We repeat it – and have it repeated to us – over and over again until nobody bothers to even think otherwise. The average person is so fogged up by all this, he has no perspective on what’s really important anymore."

"You know what really gives you satisfaction? Offering others your time."

"Because I work among the rich and famous, I convinced myself that my needs were realistic, my greed inconsequential compared to theirs. This was a smokescreen."

"Don’t I have enough pain and suffering of my own? Of course I do. But giving to other people is what makes me feel alive. Do the kinds of things that come from the heart. When you do, you’ll be overwhelmed with what comes back."

"When Morrie was with you, he was really with you. He looked you straight in the eye, and he listened as if you were the only person in the world."

“I believe in being fully present.”

"When someone wants to get ahead of me in the traffic, I would raise my hand, as if I was going to make a negative gesture, and then I would wave and smile. Instead of giving them the finger, you let them go and you smile. A lot of times they smiled back. I don’t have to be in that much of a hurry with my car. I would rather put my energies into people."

Paradox and Inspiration 114: Diseases in Developed Country

2009-06-02T21:22:00.000-07:00

The mention of the city-state of Singapore conjures up images of modernity, remarkable cleanliness, admirable disease-free environment, safe and healthy living.

Not sure about you, but I believe many foreigners find it hard to reconcile the existence of life-threatening diseases and viruses such as mosquito-borne dengue and Chikungunya diseases, hand foot mouth, bird flu, SARS with a modern setting like Singapore.

Life is full of ironies, isn’t it?

Paradox and Inspiration 113: When Parenting is Reduced to Numbers

2009-06-02T05:35:00.000-07:00

Parenting is hard. Being a stay-at-home-mum is freaking scary. A big part of the reason is because we do not get a report on how well we are faring in this herculean task, what have been done correctly and wrongly, how much more we should do…

I do not ask to be a perfect parent, but I need to know if I've been a bad parent and how far I am from being a good one. I want to know if giving up my job to be with them is a correct decision, I want to know if what I've done is all worth it. The same principles of performance and reward in the corporate environment cannot be applied in this enormous parenting venture. At work, we have performance indicators to tell us how much have been achieved, how far we are from our targets and goals. At the end of the year, we get appraisal from the bosses.

Like every parent, I want my children to be healthy, happy, and successful in every way, I want to be a key contributor to that end goal. I can so easily forget that "Sucess of loving is not the results, but the loving itself." I must not reduce parenting to numbers – good health reports, good grades, good behaviour, good conduct, good reports from the school, but that feeling of insecurity just creeps in when you know that even if their school report cards record flying colours or they topping the class, it still doesn't mean I have been a good parent.

How to measure the emotional aspect and happiness of my children? Their smiles, their laughter? What a poster I saw said crystal clear - "For a child, love is spelled as T.I.M.E". Perhaps, by just being with them, offering a word of encouragement or a hug of assurance of my presence counts a hundred times more than those endless nights of coaching for school exam.

"The mother-child relationship is paradoxical and, in a sense, tragic. It requires the most intense love on the mother's side, yet this very love must help the child grow away from the mother, and to become fully independent."
~Erich Fromm~

Paradox and Inspiration 112: Embrace or Eradicate Internet Anonymity?

2009-04-26T20:41:00.000-07:00

The anonymity of the internet is a double-edged sword.

Peeking into this paradoxical topic, we learn how anonymity emboldens users to be culprits of hatespeech, financial scams, disclosure of trade secrets and exposure of personal information or secrets, astroturfing, online harassment, cyber bullying, child pornography, vicious behaviour, stalking, personal threats, stalking, and even extortion among other illegal activities, you just name it. The ferocious onslaught of internet predators and cyber crime is unimaginable, extremely dark.

Yet, we long know that the internet’s anonymity sets the basis for upholding and protecting the freedom of speech effectively. Just think of the knowledge we have acquired through this medium, the many more ways to connect, socialize and communicate than ever before. Anonymity provides people an outlet for their opinions, even the most sensitive and controversial ones. Cyber defamation law requiring verification of the user’s identity in online activities will curb freedom of speech, which depends on anonymity in some cases to shield the weak from abusive powers and for truths to be exposed without the fear of being punished.

So where do we go? Envelop or outlaw internet anonymity?

Paradox and Inspiration 111: Paradox Parenting

2009-04-15T22:59:00.000-07:00

This paradox parenting perspective might surprise you.

If disciplining your children is driving you insane, what James Lucas teaches in his article "Paradox Parenting" might help you formulate some strategies to overcome your struggles.

Paradoxes identified by James are - expectations versus tolerance, justice versus mercy, teaching through values versus results, authority versus shared power, "The Way" versus freedom, protecting their innocence versus exposing them to reality, keeping a distance versus connecting at the soul, conditional love versus unfailing love.

Paradox & Inspiration 110: Excellence Redefined

2009-03-08T07:41:00.000-07:00

The word "excellence" gets a new meaning today.

If there's one thing that I had craved for badly in my life and the lives of my children, it has to be "excellence". I yearned for it; I aimed for it; I planned and worked for it; I strived towards it; I prayed for it; I had been disappointed because of it; I had been troubled over it... For me, the end-result of having achieved excellence in life was always images of "success", "full marks", "A", "100%", "best", "number one"...

Pastor shattered that definition and revealed a fresh new perspective for it.

The spirit of excellence enables one to do his or her very best, to give hundred percent, and to leave the results to God. So, my best may not be someone else's best! A 50/100 may be someone's best, while a 100/100 may just be someone's partial effort. These statements are so very straightforward and familiar, but yet have never struck a chord of understanding in me!

Truth sets people free. All I need to do is to present my all and best in everything, and even if the results are far from perfect, I can actually say with good conscience that I have achieved excellence in my life! How wonderful is that!

Inspiration & Paradox 109: When Only Staying Alive Seems to Be Enough

2009-03-03T05:09:00.000-08:00

For the longest time, I’ve wanted to write about Jason’s quite out-of-the-ordinary encounter at the hawker centre.

There he was, having lunch with a friend at a hawker centre when a very normal looking middle-aged man came by at their table and said he was hungry and asked if they could buy him lunch. Not sure if he was one of those rogues or ne’er-do-wells who preferred begging to working, they just ignored him. Moreover, he didn’t have the slightest look of an impoverished, filthy beggar.

It was just a little while before he noticed Jason’s friend had stopped eating and asked if she still wanted the remaining rice and fish soup. And in the next few moments, he was busy helping himself to the left-over. Guilt-stricken, Jason offered to buy him a new lunch. However, he declined and requested if Jason could buy him a drink instead, breaking out in sweats and explaining the peppery soup was too spicy for him. He got his drink, of course.

I couldn’t be more stunned when Jason finished his story. Couldn’t the man find something less demeaning to do with his life? What had reduced him to stooping so low? What could make him push back all dignity to publicly eat what’s left over on a plate by a stranger? It can’t be just the will to stay alive, can it?

Inspiration & Paradox 108: He Wants Our Yesterday

2009-02-17T19:55:00.000-08:00

Just when you think that you have put the past behind you, something happens and all the old memories and feelings come piling on you again. Have you felt this way before?

The meaning of 1 John 4:18 “...perfect love casts out fear” was revelation to me. It is not our faith but our belief and trust in His love that will cast out our fear, fear of lack, fear of inadequacy, fear of failure, fear of tomorrow... It is the confidence in God's perfect love for me that will keep me there. Perfect love is love despite of. He loves me unconditionally, He loves me first... And if I decide to choose to believe that He loves me despite of what has happened and will happen to me, I can have no fear. Focussing and concentrating on God’s perfect love for me will drive out all fear.

And the greatest way to demonstrate that I trust in His perfect love is to give Him my yesterday, and thank Him for every failure, every setback, every pain in the past. Knowing that God has allowed my yesterday to make me what I am today gives me the peace and assurance that I can face tomorrow. God is a God of progress. He’s never standing still. Even when it seems that absolutely nothing is happening in my live or worse, life is taking many steps back, God is working behind the scene to fit me into His scheme of things.

Inspiration & Paradox 107: Time for Recollection

2009-02-15T18:14:00.000-08:00

“Don’t tell him (my-father-in-law) that I am not working”, “why did you tell others that you are not working”, “there’s no need to tell others”, “keep these things to yourself”… my mother-in-law’s words repeated in my mind for many days.

For a while I really didn’t get what she meant. It was minutes before I could sense my crumbling pride and work through my own thoughts…

I was a bundle of nerves after I left my full-time job, but I was also very much looking forward to a new leash of life as a stay-at-home-mum. Whoa, new schedule, new objectives, new plans, new tasks and new routines. Honestly, I don’t mind a teeny bit rolling up my sleeves to dish out hot meals for my family, in fact I have a fetish for it. I know very well the importance of coaching my children, enjoy the new routines of morning exercise, cooking and baking, gardening, and putting in more hours on my website, and taking up part-time teaching in the university. But at the same time, I still miss that sense of “thrive and strive” when working in an organisation, especially when the days are so filled with “to-do-lists” and become rudderless with no sense of direction or focus. I seem to be shortening my sleeping hours, hatching more plans than ever, and having more anxiety to do more every day.

I began to understand why I was fazed by my mother-in-law’s words as I recalled my own feelings in my first month of staying at home…

I didn’t like buying groceries on a weekday morning in the cold stores with slow streams of maids and old folks coming in to browse and shop. I am not trying to make a mockery of these people; but being part of that picture made me feel like I am leading a mundane little life. Neither did I like to see mothers all dressed and powered up for work in the morning saying goodbye to their children as I sent Jackie to her childcare centre in my tee and shorts. It was like as if the whole world was reeling under rapid progress, while I just stagnated away in reclusion. And as if these were not enough to bruise my ego, the credit card telemarketer who was soliciting for new members had to drop my call the moment I told him that I was not working. I thought he was mean. Paging through the daily newspapers was also a dread when the economic slump news became massive. Headlines that read “The most important thing to do now is to keep your job…”, “More retrenchment expected…” “Families making ends meet” made the future gloomier by the day and put into me thoughts that I must be a nitwit to quit in such a time as this. I managed to shake off those negative feelings every time it came without trying to figure the reason for them. Some friends said I must be out of my mind to quit my job, while others applauded my boldness to step out of the corporate world. Then I actually felt quite proud of myself – hey, I was not mainstream! I had what it took to go against popular decisions! I realised there was a host of other meanings in those words that I didn’t associate with. And now I recall what the office canteen boss exclaimed when the news of my resignation reached his ears, “What a waste, you studied so much and now you’re going to stay at home to be a yellow-faced old hag, I just don’t understand you people!” and how the department secretary carped at me, “I tell you, the worst job is to be a housewife!” Names like “yellow-faced-wife” and “housewife” sounded terrible to me, but I didn’t care a fig what was hurled at me. To a certain degree, I even thought these people had quite a fair sense of humour.

Were my emotions then suppressed? I’m really not sure. Perhaps what my mother-in-law said just tipped over some large heaps of words that were piled over me before and caused me to quicken to my own inner senses.

Here I am, born and bred in a culture where everybody tells everybody that a good education is a passport to securing a good job, getting a good pay, and ultimately leading a good life. Period. No matter how much welfare you are able to contribute to your family, if you are not pursuing a good full-time job in a well-known organisation, you are not doing anything very esteemed. So when I turned against this social norm, I was actually secretly bothered by how I perceived myself – a small and insignificant nobody.

To say the least, my own self-discovery startled me. I know very well, it’s not my mother-in-law’s fault, or anybody else’s. While everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I sure can choose my own beliefs and not let any negative thought bug me. This time, I blame it on my own egotism that has turned the wrong side out.

I need to go recollect myself.

Inspiration & Paradox 106: Wrong Context or Wrong Crowd?

2009-02-09T05:44:00.000-08:00

Following is one of those emails that flies around the offices on Friday afternoons. It's a thought-provoking one. The story wraps up with the suggestion that we humans are incapable of appreciating beauty and talent in an unexpected context.

Think about it again, is it "wrong context", or simply a case of "wrong crowd"? What's your take?

**********************************************************************************

A Violinist in the Metro

A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that thousand of people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule.

A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk.

A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.

The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.

In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.

Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston and the seats average $100.

This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of an social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people. The outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?

Inspiration & Paradox 105: Perfectly Imperfect Love

2009-02-04T19:18:00.000-08:00

This morning I had a chat with Jackie’s child-care teacher…

Children are eager to please the people they love, and they do this by performing - behaving well and doing things right. And honestly, we adults often take advantage of that, don’t we. We show our anger and even say unkind words to our children when they misconduct. And often, they attach our emotions and reactions to how much we love them. Well, this happened to Jackie. In her most grown-up voice, she jested in the middle of our regular bedtime story-telling session last night, “When I don’t share my toys with my friends, teacher won’t love me.” Subsequently, a string of questions led me to discover that her childcare teacher has been teaching the kids to “win her love with good behaviour”.

So there I was at the child-care centre, trying pretty hard to put it across to the teacher in a nice way so that she wouldn’t feel embarrassed or offended, and frankly, most importantly, it wouldn’t cause a backfire on Jackie. I shared with her my concern about what Jackie had been picking up in the child-care, and my earnest request that the kids learned the correct reasons for good behaviour. I told that I would like Jackie to understand that our love for her was not a result of how good her behaviour was, and that her disobedience would not make us love her lesser even though we could be upset and appear to be very angry with her.

Awfully tough, isn’t. As much as we know the right things to do with our kids and want them to grow up feeling confident and secure, sometimes, we adults cannot even really grasp the concept of unconditional love ourselves very well, let alone a three-year old. Without a loving relationship, children don’t seem to have any reason to want to learn to behave in an acceptable. And it’s so hard for them to understand why when they do the wrong things, the love adults flaunt about is not expressed in the way they can understand (hugs and kisses).

God, help us flawed parents (and teachers) have a significant positive impact on our children’s lives with our imperfect love for them!

Inspiration & Paradox 104: Stars Do Not Twinkle

2009-01-27T07:40:00.000-08:00

As with most young children, my 3-year-old loves the song Twinkle Twinkle Little Stars.

But we know that stars do not twinkle. When we look at them through the telescopes, they appear as discrete, tiny points of light.

Stars only appear to twinkle. We are viewing them through the thick layers of the earth atmosphere. As we look at them, the light given off by them has to travel through the moving layers of the turbulent earth atmosphere to reach our eyes. When this happens, the light of the stars is bent or refracted in different directions, resulting in the twinkling effect that our eyes see.

Inspiration & Paradox 103: An Adult Trapped in a Child’s Body

2009-01-21T19:34:00.000-08:00

Lately, I have been looking for my favourite cartoon again. Most of the people around me have not heard of it -- Mafalda, a character created by Argentine cartoonist Quino.

Why do I find this 5-year-old girl so remarkable? She makes me laugh.

Patriotic, deeply concerned about humanity, human rights, and world peace, Mafalda is super-quirky, always posing awkward questions to her parents and friends. I adore her pure innocence, child-like temperament, and marvel at her strong character and sharpness of a grown-up thinking all at the same time. “An adult trapped in a child’s body” is how I describe her. She doesn’t try to be funny or even thinks she is funny, she is just funny! While her thoughts do evoke some very serious thinking about the ills of society, how the messages are crafted and delivered and the humour that comes with them will make you rock. Also, her bunch of quirky little friends (businessman, rich mummy wannabe, dreamer, and rebel) is a big attraction to me as well!

If you like comics, I highly recommend Malfada to you. It's translated into only a few languages though, and English is not one of them.

Inspiration & Paradox 102: The Older We Get, The More Lost We Feel

2009-01-21T04:05:00.000-08:00

This comic strip by Scotts Stantis was published in the papers in 1995. It says in the first picture "WHAT AM I GOING TO BE WHEN I GROW UP?", and in the second, "I'M GROWN UP AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING." Then in my early twenties, I thought what was depicted was funny but very real, so I made a cutting to keep it. Today, after more than 10 years, I saw it again while doing some housekeeping. The same sentiments somehow came back...

Inspiration & Paradox 101: Children Without Limits Feel Limited

2009-01-21T01:59:00.000-08:00

Time and again, I have been told that we need to know how to discipline our children, especially when they are young. One revelation that really stands out to me is, “Our children expect us to punish them when they misbehave, and when we fail to do that, they tend to feel insecure and afraid.”

How very true this is! Yes, all children do fear disciplining parents and want to run away from the punishments meted out. Yes, they hope and even beg that they be spared of their wrongdoing; however, when we let them go scot free every time they err, overtime, they form an impression of us – weak, irresponsible, and unsure parents. And when they live under a perceivably weak authority that fails to teach and show them the boundaries and limits in life, they grow up lacking a sense of being protected, a sense of security.

Interesting, isn’t it. Lesson gleaned: Rules keep us safe.

Inspiration & Paradox 100: Circumstances Make or Reveal Us?

2009-01-12T08:05:00.000-08:00

Look at this pot of Prickly Pear Cactus. It’s desperately reaching out for the sunlight in my balcony and the shape of its pad has also evolved into some strange-looking thin and long strip. I’ve been thinking lately…if I had left the pot in a different corner, would it grow the same way like now?

Do circumstances make us what we are or reveal who we are?

Inspiration & Paradox 99: Every Ending is a Start

2009-01-08T07:55:00.000-08:00

The standard answer to the people who have asked me why I left my job was I have chosen to spend more time to raise my kids by taking up a part-time role instead. It’s a brief response, but a truthful one. Recording in black and white my feelings about important journeys in my life always helps me in a way come to terms with things. I figure it’s a sense of closure, a sense of completeness; a sense of urgency to start a new journey. It’s a way of therapy, getting in touch with myself. And this is what I will do now, dropping that “period” as the chapter ends.

Part of the truth also has to be that I have come to a cross road after 8 years in the same place and function, where I feel I want to make a different choice in life. I guess at some point in time, you just want to make a turn and find a fresh start somewhere because riding on the same old road gets scarier and scarier. It just gets too comfortable each year. I need to feel that I am progressing, not in monetary rewards, but in my knowledge and experience as a human. Staying where I am does not make me contented anymore. I think I had made my contribution, and want to be able contribute elsewhere. Well, it’s not true that the job was not demanding anymore, it was still, but I just know the boundaries of the job too well, what I could do and influence and what I could not. I think it’s very correct when people say “once the real passion and vision for the job is gone, it’s time to leave”. It’s hard to admit it, but I think that has happened to me.

Now I need to figure how to work on my new beginnings and am very curious how my life would come together again after this.

Inspiration & Paradox 98: The Cheap Bubble

2008-12-31T01:43:00.000-08:00

Shopping has become an emotional experience for a lot of people.

Many of us get into a habit of scouting and sniffing out for sales and buying cheap clothing, shoes, bags, and etc. The thrill of shopping at discounted prices and getting more for the buck has gotten us into this addiction of buying and stocking up cheap deals we don’t need most of the time. On one hand, our shopping behaviour thrives on discovering good bargains, on the other, it seems that we never really consider if we are really benefiting in terms of saving money or spending even more on unnecessary stuff.

Inspiration & Paradox 97: Stop Looking For Trouble

2008-12-11T05:36:00.000-08:00

The massive daily news on the gloom and doom of the economy is getting on my nerves. Reports of people cutting back on expenses, making ends meet, joblessness, failing businesses, deep pay cuts, restructuring and downsizing are all making wonder if I was too stupid to quit my job now, why didn’t I decide to just cling on to it for another one or two years and see how things move first….I hate these news, I don’t like the fact that they are making me feel wavered about something which I was very sure about, the future and my family financial security. What if Jason’s business gets hit by this economic crisis? Now stop it…cut out all the What Ifs, stop looking for trouble in the future, live in the present, think positively of new possibilities with my resignation, the work I am going to do, the time I would have after I leave my job in Jan next year...

Keep Your Spirits Up & Have a Blessed 2009!

"Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength."
Spurgeon, Charles Haddon

"The worst thing you can possibly do is worrying and thinking about what you could have done."
Lichtenberg, Georg C.

"Worry gives a small thing a big shadow."
Proverb, Swedish

Inspiration & Paradox 96: Latest Beauty Buzz is to Get Eaten Alive by Fish

2008-12-08T07:12:00.000-08:00

Yes, you know I’m talking about the peculiar skin treatment - Fish Spa.

When the legs are dipped into the pool, it's totally free of pain, but downright exhilarating, extremely ticklish. I had to slap my own face to keep my legs in the water as hundreds of these little fish rushed over to nibble and bite relentlessly, but the good news is, after a while you just got immune to the sensation, and then it became kind of therapeutic.

Garra Ruffa, also nicknamed doctor fish, is a small flesh-eating tropical fish now popularly used for treating skin diseases such as psoriasis blotches, flaky and crusty skin, and scabby epidermis. Once found in the lowly river basins of Turkey, they’re now a highly sought after fish in the fish spa markets of Korea, Japan, Malaysia, China and Singapore and are very expensive due to strict importation and exportation regulations. When placed in the spa, these Garra Ruffa fish feed themselves on the dead cells of the human body, leaving the healthy skin of the human body to grow. They not only remove dead skin cells, but also massage the skin and improve blood circulation. It's believed that when the skin is better supplied with oxygen, it becomes softer and smoother!

Inspiration & Paradox 95: When You Can't Gel Personality and Behaviour

2008-12-01T04:51:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, while I was scurrying across the road with my two daughters in Orchard Road, making sure that we could beat the traffic light, I spotted a colleague in front of us. And as I was about to bid hello to him, he did something which I think I would remember for a long time…

You have to understand this, in the office, he is known to be an irate, brutish, heavy-handed, unrelenting guy whom most people don’t fancy working with in projects. Never, never did I expect him to do this… A granny was waving packets of tissue papers under the traffic light. When he saw her, he stopped dashing forward, turned around, and brisked up towards the old lady and hurriedly handed over a dollar coin, and when the three packets of tissue paper were dished out to him, he dismissed them with a quick signal of his hand. And before I could catch his attention, he had already scampered across the turning-red traffic lights and disappeared into the thronging crowd.

As people are writing to the papers to “remove” from the streets these people who simply are eking out a living in between the lives of others in the name of protecting the positive image of this affluent city, what this guy did, his compassionate gesture has certainly shocked me. Who would imagine such a roughshod personality to display such a tender-hearted act of kindness towards a total stranger?

Have we been judging too hard on people’s behavior and character? Don’t these hard-faces, people who consistently appear rude and unfriendly but can surprise you with a kind act deserve a million times of our respect than those double-faces who are consistently sweet and nice but can surprise you with a nasty stab from behind?

Inspiration & Paradox 94: Economy Down, Sales Up!

2008-11-26T06:42:00.000-08:00

On 13 June 2008, Times Online published an article entitled "Rise in champagne sales is sign of recession" that began with this "Champagne sales have increased in Ireland which, according to an economic paradox, signals the country is heading for a recession."

Market researchers explained that with dwindling spending power during a recesion, consumers like to find small ways to cheer themselves up. When finances can’t stretch to big ticket-items like house renovation, cars and long holidays, they will always find money for less expensive treats such as sunglasses, nail varnish, lipstick or chocolate.

So, how true is this syndrome for you?

Inspiration & Paradox 93: When I am big, He is small

2008-11-19T07:18:00.000-08:00

Truths learnt from Ed Welch's book:

When people are big, God is small.
Need other people less, love other people more.

Inspiration & Paradox 92: Whoever Makes the Most Mistakes Wins

2008-11-16T06:11:00.000-08:00

Rather than cripple, failure can strengthen. Depending on how we respond to them, blows can shatter us as if we were a cheap clay pot or temper us as they would steel.

~ Unknown Quote from Whoever Makes the Most Mistakes Wins: The Paradox of Innovation

Inspiration & Paradox 91: Change is really good...but no thanks!

2008-11-16T05:59:00.000-08:00

Dilbert's View of "Change".
Is it yours too?

Change is Great!!!

You go first.

Inspiration & Paradox 90: The tension between strength and flexibility in learning ballet

2008-11-16T04:25:00.000-08:00

My older daugher Jerrie faces some challenges when doing the stretching exercises during her ballet class, whereas Jackie, my younger daughter has an amazingly flexible body, which seems to be perfect for learning gymnastics. Yesterday, I had the opportunity to talk to their ballet teacher and learn a little bit about ballet.

The beauty of ballet is in striking a fine balance between strength and flexibility. The challenge here is that these two forces counter each other. It's easy to find a very strong person who is not so flexible or an extremely flexible person who is not so strong, but the strongest and most flexible person does not exist. A good ballet dancer has to find that harmony between strength and flexibility so that he/she is able to bend the body to achieve certain art forms and techniques and at the same time has enough muscle power to achieve them.

Inspiration & Paradox 89: Sleep and Lose Weight

2008-11-16T03:35:00.000-08:00

“A daily spoonful or two of honey taken prior to bedtime can help us sleep better and lose weight at the same time”.

Now, I expect what I just said to stir up an upheaval of emotions for most of you. How can something so sweet be any good when you are closely watching your weight? Doesn’t it sound all too stupid to consume more calories before you sleep when you are trying all day to lose weight and reduce calories in your meals? Doesn’t everyone know that our body metabolism rate at night is low, so we should avoid eating too late if we want a flat tummy? Surely, this must be one of those baseless old wives’ tales about dieting or some quick fix that’s central to all fad diets. More in... How to Sleep and Lose Weight at the Same Time?

Inspiration & Paradox 88: Expert Knows the Limit

2008-11-13T03:03:00.000-08:00

The more we know, the less we understand.

"My definition of an expert in any field is a person who knows enough about what's really going on to be scared." (P.J. Plauger, Computer Language, 1983)

Inspiration & Paradox 87: What isn’t part of yourselves doesn’t disturb us.

2008-11-12T07:57:00.000-08:00

How much does this make sense to you?

“If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn’t part of yourselves doesn’t disturb us.” —Hermann Hesse

Inspiration & Paradox 86: Gaining and Losing at the Same Time

2008-11-09T04:14:00.000-08:00

"It is one of the paradoxes of success that the things and ways which got you there are seldom those things that keep you there."~ Charles Handy

"For everything you gain, you lose something."~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Most of us plateau when we lose the tension between where we are and where we ought to be."~ John Gardiner

Inspiration & Paradox 85: Deadly Poison Now A Hot Favourite

2008-10-28T03:59:00.000-07:00

Botulism toxin, one of the world's deadly killers, today has become a favourite cosmetic treatment called “Botox”, amongst thousands and thousands of mainstream people. A growing number of people are not only going for the cosmetic surgery but are now getting the treatment as festive and birthday gifts for family and friends.

No longer the preserve of Hollywood stars only, this famous poison in the diluted form is injected into the skin to weaken the facial muscles that control wrinkling. The Botox effect gradually wears off so repeat injections are required in about four months.

Where’s the common sense that it’s totally unnatural to inject a toxic chemical into the body? Common sense it’s not so common, I suppose...

"We are all born mad and some of us remain so!" Samuel Beckett

Inspiration & Paradox 84: Be Still When Gripped by Fear

2008-10-26T21:44:00.000-07:00

Someone recently pointed out how irrational we can become when fear strikes. Sharing about his night topo out in the jungle back during his army days, he recalled how terror took control after receiving no reply came from his army mates no matter how he cried out for them. In that instance of realising that he was all alone and had lost his direction in the pitch-dark jungle, his very first reaction was run! And he ran as fast as he could without any vision or knowledge of which direction he was heading. "Staying put" was not an option in that state of panic...

How often are we like him? When the situation becomes so difficult that we want to run away from it, when a job becomes so unbearable that we want to call it a day, when someone do us wrong, we want to get back at it right away, when the road is long and winding, we want to shift up to a faster driving gear so that we can quickly see our destiny at the other end of the road... Often we already have a big reaction before we could think and assess the next best course of action to take.

Inspiration & Paradox 83: Greatest investment in this economic downturn

2008-10-20T07:37:00.000-07:00

As I hugged my 3-year-old daughter this morning while trying to pull her out of bed, I asked myself how many more times of such hugging do I have....kids grow up too fast, by the time we know it, we have to relate to them at a different level. I was reminded..."when they are still young, find every opportunity to play with them, love them, teach them, and be with them, it may seem rash to give up your job when many jobs out there are becoming unstable, but you will surely realise one day that children are the greatest investment during this economic downturn..."

Inspiration & Paradox 82: Fulfilment of Being Ordinary

2008-10-18T08:00:00.000-07:00

We were at my daughter’s childcare annual year-end concert this morning. One of the classes presented a Chinese song and dance item entitled “The Heart and Soul of a Small Fry” (my own translation), and I instantly turned to my husband who was sitting next to me and criticised that the teacher could have made a wiser choice of song. I was expecting the five, six year-olds to be singing with positive exuberance and embracing with all their hearts the future with great hopes for big achievements in life. I just could not understand the appropriateness of singing a song that promotes the happiness and contentment of people who contributing to the society by being just ordinary people holding small, lowly jobs. It was an absolute ridicule, I thought.

But as I sat there totally uninspired, thinking about the silly irony that the concert was presenting, something even more ironical happened. The words of the tuneful song spoke to my heart ... it went “I have never been bothered before that I am not somebody famous, because there is really also a blessing and a sense of fulfillment in being very plain and ordinary.” I did not immediately know why I reacted so emotionally to the song, but I came to realise something that was deep down in my heart – that I was yearning for simply living! And perhaps I needed a song like this to brace myself for a decision that I have trying to make for the past many months – to quit my full-time job and be with and for my young children more. I wrestled with the conviction that my kids are the most important people to me, my personal desire to achieve and fulfill more than what I am able to today, and be all that I can as a career woman. I wanted others to be proud of what I could do as a working mom and be inspired by my drive and capability and also had the fear of being rejected by the workforce if I wanted to find a job again after several years of unemployment.. And with the recent months of staffing issues and piling workload and incidents of being misunderstood at work, great discouragement set in and bogged me down, and at the same time, the impulsiveness in wanting to make things right away at all cost caused me to feel extremely anxious and depressed. A part of me wanted me to escape from all these, to see that it was time for me to let go of everything and leave the job and just be with the children, and another part of me told me to hold on and find vindication.

I still have no idea exactly what course of actions what I should take now, but the song lyrics surely did something to me; it tore apart the veil in my heart. I seem to be able to sense my own heart better and have received a clue to the answer to my confusing questions -- “It’s okay, don’t justify, stop struggling, let go of your pride, be still and spend time to find out and work out God's place for me in this world by pursuing the most important things in this season of my life."

Inspiration & Paradox 81: Sleep Talking

2008-10-15T07:32:00.000-07:00

It’s strange; when we sleep, our brains seem to be as active as when we are awake, and our thinking, as logical, even though our body acts as if it’s in a state of paralysis. Just like in the case of my husband - he sleep-talks, and whenever I catch him doing that, I play along by responding to what he says, and almost every time he would “converse” with me as if he can really hear me. What’s so funny is, because only he can understand the context of the topic he has created in his dream, what he says to me is often gibberish and doesn’t make sense at all! The most incredible thing is, sometimes when he is obviously still sleeping, he can even tell me that he is awake and that I should stop poking fun at him!

Inspiration & Paradox 80: Are We Doing What We Say?

2008-09-03T07:52:00.000-07:00

Strangely, the more we talk about something and emphasise that it’s important to us, the more we struggle with it and aren’t doing it. Just look at the extent we read, talk and extol about the goodness of health foods, staying slim, the need to exercise and relax; the more this world desires and strives for wholesome living, the more problems we seem to face – rising levels of obesity, weight and health issues, and stress and anxiety in our lives. What has gone wrong?

Inspiration & Paradox 79: Who is cleverer? A great charismatic leader or his follower?

2008-07-31T03:58:00.000-07:00

A story was told of two great historical leaders:

"William Gladstone and Benjamin Disraeli were two of the fiercest political rivals of the 19th century. Their epic battles for control of the British Empire were marked by intense animosity that spilled over from the public arena into their personal lives. Ambitious, powerful, and politically astute, both men were spirited competitors and masterful politicians.

Though each man achieved impressive accomplishments for Britain, the quality that separated them as leaders was their approach to people. The difference is best illustrated by the account of a young woman who dined with the men on consecutive nights. When asked about her impression of the rival statesmen, she said, "When I left the dining room after sitting next to Mr. Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England. But after sitting next to Mr. Disraeli, I thought I was the cleverest woman in England." "

Inspiration & Paradox 78: “Don’t just do something, sit there”

2008-07-28T07:08:00.000-07:00

A book entitled “Don’t just do something, sit there” caught my attention last week while I was browsing through some self-help books. The author, Richard Eyre challenges the wisdom of the ages and old clichés, and argues for a place for new maxims to inspire thoughts and establish liberating, energising attitudes towards life.

“If a thing is worth doing, it’s worth doing well.” versus “If a thing is just barely worth doing, then just barely do it.”

“Never put off until tomorrow that which you can do today.” versus “Always put off a put-off-able in favour of a now-or-never.”

“Get serious.” versus “The reason angels can fly is that take themselves lightly.”

Such principles bring to memory the Martha and Mary story in the Bible.

“Now as they went on their way, he entered a certain village, where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. She had a sister named Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to what he was saying. But Martha was distracted by her many tasks; so she came to him and asked, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her then to help me." But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her" (Luke 10:38-42).

The conflict between a hard worker, a doer “Martha” and “Mary” a dreamer, who rather sits and listens ignoring the work there is to be done, points to something much more to life than organising, working and worrying. It teaches that the world will not come to an end if we would sit still for a few moments, to be re-charged and renew our passion for life and work, to listen and connect to someone dear and important.

Don't Just Do Something, Sit There!

Inspiration & Paradox 77: Skills of Obtaining Power Deteriorate Once Power is Attained

2008-07-17T07:12:00.000-07:00

Have you come across “tyrannical” leaders whom you find hard to respect and wondered how they get to the place where they are? Perhaps we can find the answer in the paradox of power.

While we know that power can be attained by coercion, deception and manipulation, we also believe that power is wielded most effectively by leaders who are attuned to and can engage the needs and interests and that empathy and collaboration is extremely important in acquiring and exercising power. However, ironically, some studies show that once people assume positions of power, they become more selfish, impulsive, and aggressive, which are all not helpful in influencing and attaining power.

Inspiration & Paradox 76: Know Less, Love More...

2008-07-08T06:09:00.000-07:00

As I grow to understand life less and less,

I learn to love it more and more.

- Jules Renard

Inspiration & Paradox 75: False Self-esteem

2008-07-06T01:41:00.000-07:00

Food for thoughts...

I was very much perplexed when told that the all-too-familiar American culture of promoting one’s self-esteem from young is now reaping its negative effects in terms of the nation’s rising depression rate. The Asian culture is often criticised for being too unforgiving and stingy with praises and that we have to look to the Westerners and learn to be gracious with our children, always telling them how much you love them, making them feel important and great, and even when they fail or make a mistake, assure them it’s okay, and tell them that they are always the best no matter what happens. We are reprimanded for not knowing how to celebrate and reward successes, for being too harsh with wrongdoings, and bringing up children who are not as confident, open, self-assured, and vocal as the Westerners...

Now, where are the “holes” in the Self-esteem Movement? I was explained that the self-esteem built in a culture of constant praises and rewards (... even for the smallest and most insignificant achievement) and unconditional acceptance of even the stupidest blunder does not allow oneself to learn about realistic assessment of one’s own abilities, strengths and weakness, and does not help in building a character of resilience and tenacity that would cushion the hard effects of failures, hardship, disappointments in the different seasons of life. After being told all the time that everything is alright and “I am the best”, it is obviously hard to come to terms with some very real imperfections in their life, their abilities as compared with others. People become confused and disoriented, and do not know how to face the realities and chart their next steps when they underachieve or make serious blunders in life. And when images of themselves and the world swirled into messy disarray, depression sets in...

"True self-esteem requires an accurate appraisal of one's own abilities in comparison to those of others...a phony self-esteem is vulnerable to puncture by life's experience."
Richard O'Connor

Inspiration & Paradox 74: Where's the Crowd?

2008-07-04T22:27:00.000-07:00

When discussing about places, where to go and where not to go, you probably have heard something like this before:

“NOBODY GOES THERE ANYMORE, IT’S TOO CROWDED.”

What are we talking about?

Inspiration & Paradox 73: "Made from Sugar" and Not "Made of Sugar"

2008-05-27T06:19:00.000-07:00

Popular low-calorie, diet sweetener Splenda is made from sugar and tastes like sugar, but strangely, it is not made of sugar, that is, it's free of sugar! How is this possible. Read full account in "Can You Drink Safely with Splenda?"

Inspiration & Paradox 72: Poor, Obese People

2008-05-17T08:26:00.000-07:00

There is a growing body of research showing that the people who have gained the most weight in the last decade tend to have the lowest incomes. The poor face higher obesity because unhealthy food is more affordable has become a modern-day paradox.

The working poor often have no time for cooking, little money to buy fresh fruits and vegetables, and a long walk to the closest supermarket with a good produce section. These people are obese, frankly, because they have no money, and some diets are cheaper than others. Without adequate resources, poor families must maximize the number of calories they can buy so that their members do not suffer from frequent hunger. They may consume lower-cost foods with relatively higher levels of calories per dollar to stave off hunger when they lack the money or other resources like food stamps to purchase a healthier balance of more nutritious foods. The greater the economic constraints, the harder it will be for these families to achieve the nutritional quality of foods they need.

Inspiration & Paradox 71: How We Spend Money

2008-05-08T04:46:00.000-07:00

"Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like."

~ Will Rogers

Inspiration & Paradox 70: Milk does not build Bones -- The Calcium Paradox

2008-05-04T02:20:00.000-07:00

I find the Calcium Paradox rather shocking to read, especially when all this while I have been told to top up my intake of calcium by drinking more milk.

Studies showed that postmenopausal women who were taking calcium supplements a day were associated with an increase, instead of a decrease in fractures. A huge research on traditional Chinese diet, disease, and lifestyle studied more than 10,000 people in 130 villages across China from the southern coast to the Gobi desert and found that populations that relied on plant-based sources such as vegetables and whole grains for their calcium had much less heart disease, cancer, diabetes, and obesity than North Americans.

Some nutritionists have thus warned against the consumption of milk for strong bones. The argument is that we all assume bones are made up from only calcium, but the truth is that our bones are built on a foundation of collagen, proteins, magnesium, calcium, boron and other minerals, which together form the bone matrix. Taking enough calcium is important for children who are growing bones, but calcium supplementation alone does not go well with adults in terms of density. Preventing osteoporosis does not depend on calcium alone, but rather on preserving the bone matrix. The bone matrix is a living tissue whose strength and structure depend on many factors including other minerals besides calcium, the absorption of these nutrients from the gut, physical activity, and lifestyle. Also, milk is acid-forming and it's calcium-magnesium-phosphorus levels are way out of balance for proper human absorption and utilization. Fruits and vegetables provide alkalinity and are highly beneficial for bone health.

Inspiration & Paradox 69: When Good is Hated

2008-03-08T06:49:00.000-08:00

Read this snippet in Reader's Digest:

A fellow teacher assigned his Year Four student to write a topic sentence for the following phrases: "Sam always works quietly. Sam is polite to the teacher. Sam always does his homework."

The student's topic sentence? "I hate Sam."

Inspiration & Paradox 68: Eat less fat and get fatter

2008-03-06T07:10:00.000-08:00

Many people have experienced this paradox in their weight loss diet - "eat less fat and yet get fatter". The real culprit is sugar and refined carbohydrates which lead to insulin resistance. Read about it in Jane's story: Mystery of a Failed Weight Loss Diet.

Inspiration & Parodox 67: Relationship becomes difficult when life becomes easy.

2008-01-06T07:34:00.000-08:00

My brother-in-law was sharing about his parents who used to be very loving but now have a problem relating to each other. He said something very interesting: couples belonging to his parents’ generation were able to endure hardship together but don’t know how to enjoy life together, in Chinese, 可以共患难, 但不能同享福. He went on to explain why –in their younger days, when times were difficult, couples shared a common goal, they slogged hard to provide for the children and keep the family together; life was in a way very purposeful and meaningful. There was somewhat a sense of unity. However, when their children grew up and their finances improved significantly, they suddenly could not relate to each other anymore, and started to have frequent arguments and vent their frustration at each other. They appeared to have lost their sense of mission in life and began to drift apart from each other.

He also spoke about the importance of developing a network of friends and keep a social support group which will be there for us when we retire from our jobs. He related that people who are retiring from their high corporate posts often faced a crisis in their lives as all of a sudden they have nothing to do and became a “nobody” in this world. Many of these men are left with no one else except their wives to command and boss around. Hence, ironically, many relationships became very difficult and tense at a time when people are supposed to feel most carefree and relaxed.

Inspiration & Paradox 66: Chaotic traffic may not be as dangerous as you think and orderly roads may not be as safe as you perceive

2007-11-13T06:15:00.000-08:00

I have got to agree with some people who said that the traffic in Hanoi has to be the craziest in the world. What you see is a horrendous torrential rush of cars, carts, pedestrians, bicycles, motor cycles, vans, buses, and sometimes even horse carriages, all coming from different directions and intersecting, and a perpetual honking of the honk which nobody seems to be paying attention or bothered with. Crossing the streets was a daunting and heart pounding experience for me and my family, as there never seemed to be a break in the streams of vehicles and you would never find a right moment to cross unless you take a leap of faith to step out and trust that those darting motorcycles would somehow react in time to navigate around you. Our tour guide however revealed one interesting fact – though the traffic seemed to be extremely chaotic and somewhat out of control, nobody was obeying any rules on the road, and the traffic lights and lane markings were completely ignored, the accident rate surprisingly was much lower compared to that of the big modern cities with big roads where vehicles sped at a much faster rate. I am not sure how exactly that is possible but it probably has to do with the level of vigilance which naturally soars when surrounding danger is perceived, or perhaps the monotony of freeway travel on the straight express lanes in the cities has made travelling on the road even more challenging.

Inspiration & Paradox 65: Small is Big

2007-10-27T09:10:00.000-07:00

In the minds of the Vietnamese, NOTHING IS
IMPOSSIBLE!

I snapped these pictures during my recent holidays with my family in Hanoi...

Look, who says you need a van or a truck to transport these things... 3 fat live pigs, 3 men in a row, a big basket of live chickens, and even a huge door (see the green oblong shape?)!!!

Inspiration & Paradox 64: When what you do now seems so insignificant...

2007-10-25T03:19:00.000-07:00

Want to share this story that a friend sent to me over the email a few days ago. It came as an encouragement to me when I, with my own eyes and my own mind could perceive no purpose, and no fulfilment in what I am doing today...

"Don't give up.....
One day I decided to quit...I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality... I wanted to quit my life. I went to the woods to have one last talk with God. "God", I asked, "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?" His answer surprised me... "Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?" "Yes", I replied. "When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I to ok very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said. "In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would not quit." He said."Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Comparedto the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle." He asked me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots". "I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you." "Don't compare yourself to others." He said. "The bamboo had a different Purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful." "Your time will come", God said to me. "You will rise high" "How high should I rise?" I asked. "How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return."As high as it can?" I questioned. "Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can." I left the forest and brought back this story. I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you. Never, Never, Never Give up."

Inspiration & Paradox 63: Yesterday's Beliefs, Today's Ironies

2007-10-23T07:16:00.000-07:00

Think twice before you make a judgment on impossibilities, especially if you are famous enough to be remembered by the many generations to come.

Lord Kelvin, President of the Royal Society, London - 1895"Heavier than air flying machines are impossible"

RCA Executives - 1920"This wireless music box [the radio] has no imaginable commercial value. Who would payto hear a message sent to nobody in particular?"

Thomas Watson, Chairman of the Board, IBM - 1943"I think that there may be a world market for maybe five computers"

Ken Olson, Chair, Digital Equipment - 1977"There's no possible reason anyone would ever want to have a computer in their home"

Bill Gates - 1981"640K ought to be enough for everybody"

Margaret Thatcher - 1974 "It will be years - not in my time - before a woman will become Prime Minister."

Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, US Office of Patents - 1899."Everything that can be invented has been invented."

A Boeing engineer, after the first flight of the 247, a twin engine plane that carried ten people. "There will never be a bigger plane built."

Business Week, August 2 - 1968 "With over 50 foreign cars already on sale here, the Japanese auto industry isn't likely to carve out a big slice of the US market."

Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859. "Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy."

Inspiration & Paradox 62: Truth or Tolerance?

2007-09-04T08:18:00.002-07:00

A speaker made this remark during a parenting seminar that my husband and I attended – "I cannot stand it when people teach their children to be tolerant of other races’ differences – religion, belief, values. We must learn to respect the differences and not tolerate them. "

In dealing with what is the true religion and responding to what are the "truths" in our lives, we know that between two religions, it is possible that both are not true but it’s impossible that both are true. So how does one respect or tolerate another person’s religion and yet stand firmly on his/her own different religion? And when judging another’s beliefs, is it morally wrong to tell someone that it’s morally wrong? How do you respect another person’s values when they are totally different from yours? What is the difference in action and attitude when a person respect instead of tolerate? Can one really respect another person for the difference in responding to truths? Does respect entail acknowledging that everyone has the right to believe in everything, and one should not try to alter the beliefs of others? Aren't truths absolute? Or to some people they are only relative - that there are such a thing as half truth, less or greater truth? Or what does it really mean? And does tolerance simply mean that one should put up with the things you are not very happy to experience with the other person and pretend that it’s alright?

Inspiration & Paradox 61: When Sacrifice is a Sacrifice?

2007-08-18T00:14:00.001-07:00

So, does sacrifice bring pain or happiness?

Whether it’s in a relationship or approaching an issue in life, the act of sacrifice often suggests the experiencing of great struggle and dilemma when in coming to terms with a situation and making a certain decision to give up something. However, people also often say that no good things happen without a sacrifice; this is, no pain, no gain. This is the paradox of sacrifice. Think about it, the expected or desired outcome of that sacrifice must be so important that is enough to drive one to make that hard decision. If no benefits can be achieved by making a sacrifice, then there would be no sacrifices, and this makes the understanding of sacrifice concept fuzzy. Perhaps what could make a distinction is the motives behind the sacrifices, how selfless is it? Who receives the benefits of the sacrifice, others or own self after all? Nevertheless, when one gives up his time or his “well-being” for a purpose or for a person, the end result of the intended act of sacrificing must have brought about an outcome that is attractive enough to make one feel good or right about that sacrifice. Take for instance a common example of a mother who says she will make the sacrifice of giving up her rewarding career to take care of her growing up children. What has probably helped her make the decision is the prospect of her children receiving more attention and guidance, better training and development, and becoming more able learners in schools and in life. So if the children grow up to do well in life, isn’t this also the gain of the mother and that sacrifice becomes not so much of a sacrifice? Take another contrasting case of a poor man who has nothing to give away but his time for a group of needy children who have nobody to take care of them. And if he tells you that that it’s not at all a sacrifice to him because this is what would make him feel happy and fulfilled in life, would it be still appropriate to call that a kind of sacrificial love for others?

Inspiration & Paradox 60: Can You Really "Balance Life"?

2007-07-18T10:11:00.001-07:00

I am pretty sure you have heard of advise like this “you need to balance your life”, “you have to balance between job and family”. I personally find it hard to appreciate it because life it’s often about prioritising importance, letting go of certain things, and making sacrifices rather than making the balance of activities in amount. For instance, for myself, I have a family and two kids but I also have full-time job. I spent 80% of my time on my work and the rest of my time goes to my family. I never see myself as being able to balance my career and family. It is obvious enough from the amount of time I commit in each aspect that there is no balance there. Juggling the two is a constant challenge. But the decision on how little time I would spend on my family was upfront a very conscious one – if I work full time, I would have only little time left for my children who would then be left to other care-givers. I see it as something that I would have to give up if I work, and that I need to feel good about the arrangement and decision, otherwise I would not have done it the way. After all, my family could have also lived simply on just my husband’s one income if I choose not to work and stay at home to take care of the kids.

I guess ultimately, when we are being pulled in different directions and have to manage a tension caused by the demands and obligations in life, it’s about striking a point where we could make a conscious choice on how what the most feasible arrangement would be and be happy with whatever decision that is made.